Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
I Just got back from the post secrets website, and all I can say is WOW, They left me in awe. One of the best post I have ever seen. You ALL need to had over there and take a few minutes to look them over. I promise you won't be disappointed. I could not pick just one so I have brought you my top 3 picks and one for the season.
~lost (soon to be found) goddess
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart .... Nice children you've got there - are they twins?"
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Do you really think they look alike?"
"No," replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice."
At 2 a.m. on October 29, groggy Americans will turn their clocks back one hour, marking the end of Daylight Saving Time (DST).
The federal law that established "daylight time" in this country does not require any area to observe daylight saving time. But if a state chooses to observe DST, it must follow the starting and ending dates set by the law. From 1986 to 2006 this has been the first Sunday in April to the last Sunday in October, but starting in 2007, it will be observed from the second Sunday in March to the first Sunday in November, adding about a month to daylight saving time. (See: New Federal Law.)
"More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones" T. Capote
Is terror an unwelcome visitor standing at your bedroom door, or is it the preceding shadow? Seraph knew that something horrible and transformative was about to happen to her, and she was powerless to stop it. Seraph had never known terror before, and it was all held within the confines of her mind. Her screams, her anxiety were company to nobody else but Seraph. She perused her choices: spend eternity with that abhorrent creature and eventually turn into one of them, or melt in the sun. “Some choices are better left unmade”, she thought with a hint of sarcasm.
The details of the Initiation were unknown to Seraph, but her instincts were to travel East-toward the rising sun. She, somehow, knew that there would be another choice-just as horrible as the one now facing her-and that would be her Initiation.
In her hypersensitivity, she could feel the creature’s presence. It was a good reminder of all the elders’ tales that the Becoming can twist a good person into a hideous creature. If she were to be stuck here, what would she transform into? The answer scared her, but she also felt pangs of love, and loneliness, and desire. Seraph was used to dispensing justice, not receiving it. Surely, her victims rejoiced in watching her contemplate whether it is better to be damned forever for doing the wrong thing or die doing the right thing. She prayed for resolution.
She was drawn to the largest peak, and she could see a small mound on an outcropping. As she got closer, she could make out a streak of black, and two blue orbs. Her hunger grew, and she remembered that it must have been days since she last eaten.
It was a human, a lesser being that she had only heard about in the elders’ tales. Their small stature belied the ferocity in which they bred prahls and destroyed the ancient trees. “They look so dainty, it’s a wonder that no other creature has preyed upon them.” She was amazed at the swiftness of her breath, the ease of her movements, the singular drive to eat his flesh. The sentry’s rifle did not concern her much as the sliver of light in the horizon. This must be the Initation.
Without thinking, Seraph sank her teeth into his neck and welcomed the rush of warm blood into her mouth. Taking a breath, she found her voice and screamed as she could now feel her fingers elongate, her body strengthen, her teeth grow. She was one of them now, but she felt uneasy. Her warrior instincts returned, and she knew that she would quickly become the most powerful being because of her cunning and strength. But at what price?
The creature stepped forward and openly laughed at Seraph. “My revenge on you is complete, and you did exactly as I knew you would. Come with me quickly, before the sun rises, and we shall plan our reign over this world. We will be stronger than the prahls, smarter than the humans and infinite as the gods.” At those words, Seraph’s prayer was answered and she found the resolution she had sought. Knowing her skills, she said “My darling, we are but a fools’ pawn in this game. But I have you, my love.” Her words calmed him and he came to her willingly. But Seraph had other plans.
She longed for Nia, and a time when their hearts weren’t tainted by greed or bloodlust or revenge. A simpler time; one where there was just the two of them. She murmured to the creature, “Together at last, together forever, be not damned but find your salvation within.” And she began to cry softly as she embraced him. The fourteen words strengthened her resolve. Against his struggles, Seraph held the creature tightly as the first ray of sunshine pierced their heart and burned their flesh to cinders.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Instinctually, Seraph reached for her sword but could not find it. Everything around her was so familiar yet so unreal. Her senses were heightened and the movement by the outbuilding made her ears ring in pain and her nose cringe with the malodorous ether of pine. And, was that just a hint of celery? The Becoming was not as painful as she had feared, and she survived the mind challenge. But it was too soon for congratulatory pauses, for now Seraph was preoccupied with the lack of any weapons, and an imminent need for one.
He glided from the shadows. His face and ears were deformed and his rotted teeth were pointed. Arms akimbo, he finally spoke. But it sounded more of a hiss to Seraph’s ears. “My darling, what took you so long? I have been so patient, we have sssssso much to discuss. You have no need for your sword here.” The awful creature began to snicker. “Besides, it will not help you whatsoever here in this place.”
The gravity of this moment, and who that creature used to be, became fully known to Seraph. She tried to cry, but in this new place, her eyes seared in the saltiness and she quickly stopped.
“Am I trapped here, forever, with you?” Seraph asked, afraid of the answer. The creature could barely contain his perverse. “Oh yessssss, indeed you are, and that’s not the best part! You can’t speak any more until you pass the Initiation, because you’ve asked your question. I wondered if I should even tell you thissss, because it took me months to figure it out.” His eyes moistened, “But since I have been waiting so long for you and have been watching you, your deeds in
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Joel's final scream had pierced through the surface tension of the"water" above him, causing a deluge of liquid oxygen to rush into the between-world where the awful jellycreature had lived. Joel been carried through the rent, and now his body floated to the surface on a thick wave, a fresh smudge on the turbulent surface of an odd dreamworld.
Slowly Joel's body absorbed the liquid in his lungs, and it refreshed him. He was bouyant on the waves, and as his eyes began to open he noticed that the jelly creature had been crushed under the density of the inrushing liquid, and now its strange multicolored body lay in a gleaming puddle under the waves. Its deflated gawping head oozed along on the surface, and a final weary twich of a crumpled tentacle signalled its demise. The ghostly fiend that had taken him from his world and led him to the Master was nowhere to be seen.
In the near distance Joel saw a luridly colored island, and began to swim toward it, hopeful for rescue. As he neared the shore, vibrant creatures jumped around, waving at him wildly and shouting in glee. Once very near, and almost fully exhausted, Joel grabbed at the ribbons they tossed to him and allowed them to drag him to shore.
After a period of some time, Joel awoke to find himself surrounded by a pack of young boys just about his age. A cat-faced fellow with a bright red hat shrieked "he up, he up!" and the parrot, pirate, and clown yelled loudly "he UP he UP!" and danced wildly in their hyperoxygenated world. Joel breathed deeply, the smell of sugar and chocolate filled the air, a cloying-sweet atmosphere of carnival and circus.
"Have some candy, have some CANDY" all the boys shouted, bouncing off of walls and ramming into one another without regard to safety or one another. And so Joel ate. And ate. And ate. And eventually began bouncing off of walls and ramming into other boys, screaming wildly, fueled with sugar and the vivid energy of this extra-oxygenated world. They ran until they were utterly spent.
When he slept, it was to allow in twisting dreams of crazy colors and racing pace. When he awakened, it was to a pounding head and sticky mouth. When he stretched, his bones popped; when he peed, it smelled like cotton candy. He felt sick.
And still the boys stuffed him with sweets. Still they plyed him with sodas. Still they made him run and jump and shout and exhaust himself, for that was the only way he could meet "The Mistress," the one who held the power to decide his fate on this fantasy island. She liked her acolytes energetic and stuffed with glucose. So eat, Joel, and run. Play with us and stuff your face, for The Mistress, for The Mistress wants it that way.
After many days spent in a daze of sweets and screaming and sleep and sick stomach, the pirate said Joel was ready to meet The Mistress. Joel had killed the Master, after all, and in so doing had given her Ultimate Power over the Know-World, and she would grant him one wish.
Joel thought long and hard on this wish, finally settling on one that, just a few days ago, he would have thought strange, but now, in his candy-addled and wrung-out mind, seemed perfectly sane.
He was tired of candy.
He was tired of fun.
He wanted to see familiar stars and eat an apple, for Pete's sake, to settle his head and stomach. He wanted his bed.
In short, he wanted to go home.
The boys led him to the center of the island, to an enormous castle of sugar-glass and marshmallows, in which The Mistress lived. A smart rap on the graham cracker door announced their presence, and soon Joel was led into a vast hall in the middle of which was seated a gigantic women in a tight white outfit.
For a moment Joel felt an odd sensation in the pit of his stomach, and thought that maybe he didn't want to leave after all. She was beautiful, even if she was 30 feet tall and had breasts the size of a school bus. Joel, being a boy, wondered if it would be better perhaps to change his wish to be 31 feet tall and all grown up. However, once her threatningly resonant voice demanded his wish, he reverted to the small boy he was and squeaked out: "I want to go home."
"SIMPLE AS PIE" bellowed the tremedous Mistress. "EASIER THAN TAKING CANDY FROM A BABY!!!"
Joel's stomach lurched.
"IT WOULD BE THE ICING ON THE CAKE OF MY DAY TO SEND YOU HOME, MASTER-SLAYER!!!"
Joel felt ready to heave.
"ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS, EAT THIS!" and at that she held out her enrmous gloved hand, which held a gigantic candy heart with the words "eat me" printed in white icing on it.
Joel gulped hard, his gorge rose, the saliva flowed, he was one spasm of the gut away from a full-on heave. "Not more sugar!" Joel thought wildly. "I can't EAT anymore sugar! I can't DO this! Please, anything but this!"
But still, he opened his mouth, and began.
Suddenly, Seraph became conscious of a disturbance close by. Thrusting away her reminisces, she tried to prepare herself for the attack she knew must come.
Unmanned and as good as defenseless, she nevertheless attempted to stand. As the last line of defense, she knew only too well how important it would be for her to hold them here for as long as she could. Every precious second counted, and if her blood could buy a couple more, she would gladly pay that price.
What she was not prepared for was the green wall of mist moving inexorably towards her.
Gods, what was it? It seemed to go on for an eternity; she couldn't see either end, nor could she see a top. She could see through it, vaguely, making out familiar shapes and such. But the familiarity itself made everything seen through the mist even more strange, and while it didn't seem to destroy anything in it's path, she could not see another of her kind. Who knew what might happen when it got to her?
If she had any physical strength left, she would run. But as it was , she stood and faced down the mist as it enveloped her, breathing it in as slowly as she could, as her heart slowed and her sense of herself fled into the mist.
Then the mist was gone, the night as clear as she remembered it from childhood, reeking of pine; and she was in a room she didn't recognize, full of things both bizarre and homely.
There was a window, and as she crossed the room and looked out of it, she saw that, as much like home as this place was, it was not really home, or at least, not her home as it was when she was there.
And in the moonlight, by an outbuilding, she saw movement and tensed for attack.
A void, an echo of nothingness stood before Joel. One minute he was staring into the void and the next he was falling through the darkness.
Joel tried to scream but all he heard was a squeak and cold laughter. The phantom was beside him still, falling with him. Joel could feel the icy presence through the darkness and then complete blackness.
He didn't know he had blacked out until he awoke. Joel was drenched. His clothes stuck to his body and he could feel water on his face. He tested his legs in attempt to get up but the now familiar frosty hand stilled him.
Slowly through the pitch Joel could see movement, a creature coming toward him. Limbs, jellyfish like, moving slowly menacingly toward him. The creature had no head or face just tentacle like limbs. Some of the limbs had claws, grasping at the surface it walked.
By watching the creature's movement, Joel could make out water above and below where he and the ghostly specter stood. He tried to back away but the phantom stopped him. Joel wanted to cower, roll himself into a ball. Instead he forced himself to stand up and not move.
Joel did not know he was crying until he tasted the tears. The phantom laughed, "Tears only make you taste sweeter. Cry little one."
This time Joel did scream; loud and piercing the air until the water rushed in drowning him.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
It was almost morning when she awoke. The ground was damp and hard, the smell of pine all around her. Once again she had sleep walked her way into the woods behind the house. She’d done it a few times when growing up but ever since the move to this new town it had been more frequent. Maybe it was just the full moon that was bringing on these dreams and the sleep walking? But Lizbeth was getting a strange that there was some how more to it all than an undigested bowl of ice cream before bed and late night Halloween movies with her new friend, Xavier.
Xavier!?! Oh crap, we’re supposed to go to a corn maze today. They were “just friends” right now but, kids at school were already taunting and talking. She’d not mind if they were more and while he was warm towards her, he always kept a slight distance. Although he didn’t have a girlfriend so maybe? What time is it? How long will it take me to get back to the house and get ready? How far in the woods did I go this time?
She trudged along the path she was now getting familiar with over the past few nights. She heard barking and knew she was close. Soon her dog Max would be tearing towards her and almost knock her down. Even he didn’t go this far into these woods. He’d only walk so far into them and when she sleep walked would only meet up with her at the same spot, a rock at the edge of a clearing.
Max settled down when he saw Lizbeth step out of the woods into the clearing. He sat and waited for her by a big rock. She walked up to him and gave him a hug before continuing on the walk home. They were close now. Once there, she’d sneak in her window and get ready for the max w/ Xavier. No one would know the difference. She’d not have to make an excuse this time about looking for Max or leaf gathering for an Earth science class. I took that back in 8th grade, you think they’d have a clue about my classes.
As Lizbeth and Max neared the backyard, Max stopped. The hackles stood up and he let out a low growl. Lizbeth stopped, looked around then crouched behind the shed. From the kitchen cam a strange green glow….
Monday, October 23, 2006
"Class, I need to step outside and speak to Ms. Hoover. Please continue with your assignment. I won't be long." Ms. Hamilton told her class.
Joel felt a chill go through him as he heard the door close behind her. He felt something cold touch his shoulder. Joel swung his head around to see what had touched him. There was nothing.
Am I spooking myself? Come on, its just a stupid story. Vegetables are not dangerous. They taste awful but they won't kill you. Joel thought to himself as he continued to write his story.
His pencil barely touched his paper when he felt the cold hand on his shoulder again and this time it was squeezing him tightly. He turned his head around to see a tall menacing figure in a white cloak. He couldn't make out his face from behind the hood but Joel could see his red glowing eyes.
"Help me!" Joel screamed. None of his classmates seem to notice what was happening to him.
"Let go of me!" Joel squealed as he tried to get up. It was futile, he couldn't move.
"What do you want?"
"I'm taking you to Master", the phantom hissed.
"Noooooooooooo!" Joel cried as everything around him went black.
What is this place? Joel thought to himself as he walked the sandy path. It looked like caves he'd seen in geography textbooks; caves carved out by wind and sand. It was beautiful and frightening at the same time. Joel could hear the wind howling. It was getting louder as he walked down the path. He'd swear he also heard voices in that wind.
"Run, if you can."
Joel would run if he could. He seemed to have lost control of his own body. He struggled to turn the other way, to turn his head, to open his mouth and scream but it was useless. The phantom who's hand was tightly on his shoulder seemed to control his movements.
The wind and the voices were getting louder as the cave became increasingly darker. Soon Joel found himself at the edge of a cliff. The phantom stood next to him.
"Where are we?" Joel asked.
The phantom said nothing as he pointed down over the edge of the cliff.
“Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.” –W.H. Auden
The disquieting hum of Other World had entered into Seraph’s ears like ethereal arsenic. It would simply be a matter of time before the good fight would end. Before she would be consumed. Then she too would finally Become. As Seraph waited for her fate, she allowed her mind to wander. Her skilled hands knew the epee well; her body would fight these fiends as long as possible. But staving off the demons inside? Seraph was inept, and her mind was an unwilling vassal to their calling.
Two pryons ago, today, Seraph lost Nai. Seraph had known Nai since childhood, although their meeting was most unusual. Nai had stolen Seraph’s family carriage and rode it through town to proclaim that he will become a great prahl slayer. Nai became her North, her South, her East and West. He showed her the ancient art of prahl slaying. She could remember when Nai showed her the Wu Myang way of slaughtering a beast with only two fingers. And, there was the smell pine needles as he took her.
But, as the years passed, she forgot the smell of pine. Seraph’s heart had become hollow, and she was vunerable to seduction by Ouraf-the shape shifter prahl. Ouraf had taken on the form of Nai, and tricked her into revealing Nai’s secret name. Ouraf spoke the name, and Nai Became. Seraph entered
But now, Seraph began to tire, and the harpies and the prahls laid claim to their spoil of victory with a chorus of howls and screeches. She laid down her weapon and closed her eyes. The hum was deafening but for the first time in two years, she could smell pine. The Becoming had started.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
whenever God needed to punish someone...
or make an exampIe,
or whenever God needed a kiIIing,
He sent an angeI
Did you ever wonder what a creature
Iike that must be Iike?
A whoIe existence spent
praising your God,but aIways with one wing
dipped in bIood.
WouId you ever reaIIy
want to see an angeI?
The answer to Quote This and the most thought provoking dialog in the movie
Thursday, October 19, 2006
I've been sick all week and I've spent the last 2 days at home. I'm feeling better today and I decided to spend some time baking. Baking always makes me feel better.
I worked on my new muffin recipe. I've tried different variations over the past couple of months and by Hyperion, I think I've got it! These Banana Blueberry Lemon Muffins are crunchy on top, super moist on the inside and not too sweet - my definition of the perfect muffin.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Know your state's motto:
Alabama "Hell Yes, We Have Electricity."
Alaska "11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong."
Arizona "But It's A Dry Heat."
Arkansas "Literacy Ain't Everything."
California "By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda."
Colorado "If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother."
Connecticut "Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedys
Don't Own It Yet."
Delaware "We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water."
Florida "Ask Us About Our Long-Distance Grandkids."
Georgia "We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism."
Hawaii "Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru." Translation: "Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money."
Idaho "More Than Just Potatoes... Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Good."
Illinois "Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"."
Indiana "2 Billion Years Tidal-Wave-Free."
Iowa "We Do Amazing Things With Corn."
Kansas "First Of The Rectangle States."
Kentucky "Five Million People - Fifteen Last Names."
Louisiana "We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign."
Maine "We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster."
Maryland "If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It."
Massachusetts "Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's."
Michigan "First Line Of Defense From The Canadians."
Minnesota "10,000 Lakes...And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes."
Mississippi "Come And Feel Better About Your Own State."
Missouri "Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work."
Nevada "Hookers and Poker!"
New Hampshire "Go Away And Leave Us Alone."
New Jersey "You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto, Right here!"
New Mexico "Lizards Make Excellent Pets."
New York "You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney..."
North Carolina "Tobacco Is A Vegetable."
North Dakota "We Really Are One Of The 50 States."
Ohio "At Least We're Not Michigan."
Oklahoma "Like The Play, But No Singing."
Oregon "Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner."
Pennsylvania "We're Cooking With Coal."
Rhode Island "We're Not REALLY An Island."
South Carolina "Remember The Civil War? Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet."
South Dakota "We're Closer Than North Dakota."
Tennessee "The Edyoocashun State."
Texas "Se Hablo Ingles."
Utah "Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus."
Vermont "Ay, Yep."
Virginia "Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?"
Washington "We Have More Rain Than You Do."
West Virginia "One Big Happy Family...No Really, We Are."
Wisconsin "Come Cut The Cheese With Us."
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
I also know some of you must be too... Why else would you shift through hyperion's endless rambling. To get to the movie picks that why. I know, I know, I out all of you people but lets see where it goes.
Anyways I have a movie quote here from one of my personal favorites. Lets see if any of you remember it or even know where it came from.
"You know how you got that dent in your top Iip?
Way back,before you were born,
I toId you a secret, then I put my finger there...
and I said, "Shh."
Extra Cool Points
If You Can Tell Me the Name of the Character Who Said It
~Lost"Movie Freak" Goddess
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background
checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists:
Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of
the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know
that you will follow your instructions no matter what the
circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a
chair. Kill Her !!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take
your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and
went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came
out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same
instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into
the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming,
crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there
stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded
with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
MORAL: Women are evil. Don't mess with them
Monday, October 16, 2006
"Overall, what I see is a situation in which people -- especially children -- will be much more isolated, because not only will their parents both be working, but they'll have fewer siblings, fewer cousins, fewer aunts and uncles," the scholar argued. "So over time, we're moving towards a much more individualistic society."(full article: http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20061015/ts_alt_afp/afplifestyleussociety)
Wouldn’t it be like the pendulum effect? And later swing back to these solo kids wanting bigger families and all themselves?
What do you think Barners?
I think what disturbed me more than anything about my results was that it said the 99.7% of people with my first name are male. You mean to tell me there are actually women with the first name Kevin? Sick parents.
Entitled: Kitty Litter Cake
(please save the awesome photo until the end!)
On a recent visit to our veterinarian to get shots for our cat I found this recipe on the waiting room bulletin board. After recovering from hysterical laughter, I obtained a copy from the office staff so that my wife could make it, which she refused to do. I took it to work and gave the recipe to a lady at work who loves cats. The pictures below show the results of her work. It doesn't look very nice, but it's actually quite tasty, so I decided to pass it along.
1 box spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 box of white cake mix
1 package white sandwich cookies
1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix
A few drops green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls or equivalent
SERVING "DISHES AND UTENSILS"
1 NEW cat-litter box
1 NEW cat-litter box liner
1 NEW pooper scooper
1) Prepare and bake cake mixes, according to directions, in any size pan. Prepare pudding and chill. Crumble cookies in small batches in blender or food processor. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of cookie crumbs. Mix with a fork or shake in a jar. Set aside.
2) When cakes are at room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss with half of the remaining cookie crumbs and enough pudding to make the mixture moist but not soggy. Place liner in litter box and pour in mixture.
3) Unwrap 3 Tootsie Rolls and heat in a microwave until soft and pliable. Shape
the blunt ends into slightly curved points. Repeat with three more rolls. Bury the rolls decoratively in the cake mixture. Sprinkle remaining white cookie crumbs over the mixture, then scatter green crumbs lightly over top.
4) Heat 5 more Tootsie Rolls until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle with crumbs from the litter box. Heat the remaining Tootsie Roll until pliable and hang it over the edge of the box. Place box on a sheet of newspaper and serve with scooper. Enjoy!
But I can't find the video on You Tube. I don't even know what the video looks like.
I did find two videos that take other stuff and put the song over it, which I have below. One is some sort of Cartoon thing I've never heard of, and the other is a tongue in cheek thing to Draco following Book 5.
Feel free to ignore the videos. Just choose one to listen to the lyrics. The lyrics are the thing.
Anti-Ed/Winry (your guess is as good as mine) Version
PS I know Schrodinger will claim this is only the second best "Since You've Been Gone," following her favorite singer Kelly Clarkson, but she's wrong.
PPS Yes, this can serve as the Barn's unofficial theme song next week when I lose internet access totally
I only have a minute, so I will be brief. When I challenged you to write great posts, you delivered! Those were some great posts last week. I was very proud. Many were good, but the best had to be that kitten with a gun to its head.
Okay, here is the next challenge: come up with Halloweeen Top Ten Lists. You will have to try pretty hard to beat Ajax's lists last year, but I exhort you to come up with something. Send them to hyperionexiled and I (or Kaida) will make sure they are posted).
Miss you all
Friday, October 13, 2006
" Do you want me to give you something to cry about?"
And that's my father. I didn't understand it then, but I do now and maybe that's what really counts!
Pillaging, plundering and grog, sweet grog - James Hill is happy to discuss the finer points of pirate life. Just not before you hear him out on lobbying reform.
How can you not vote for him?
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Anyway, as I was checking out all these profiles, I was shocked at how many of them were totally stupid and devoid of any kind of personality...and the pictures! Dear God, the pictures! I very nearly shoved a Number-2 pencil in my eyeball just to end the horror.
So please, people, if you plan on rockin' out the online dating thing, avoid the following things in your profile if you ever expect to get some ass:
Today's lesson: Seven deadly sins of online profiles
1. Your picture
Everyone would love to think that they are full of inner beauty and rainbows and unicorns and whatever and that that's what any potential lover will judge them on, but the sad truth is, you're really gonna be judged first by your picture, so do yourself a favor and make it a good one. Please don't use any pictures of yourself where you:
2. 'I like to have fun and travel'
No. Shit. Do you like to breathe oxygen too? I know you think that by writing this you're conveying a care-free attitude, but here's a news flash, dumbass: everyone likes to have fun and not be at work. Be more specific, tell people what you do to have fun (and don't you dare say 'I like to have fun with my friends' because that's as equally unoriginal).
3. 'I've never done this before...'
The whole gosh-golly-gee shy thing is irritating. You signed up to do the online dating thing, now grow some balls and be assertive.
4. 'It's hard to talk about myself...'
This goes in the same category as #3. Also, keep in mind that you're trying to sell yourself, so if you can't think of even one interesting thing to say about yourself, then no one is going to want to kiss your pink parts.
For the love of everything good and holy, pretend that you passed the sixth grade and learn the difference between your and you're.
6. 'The things I can't do without...'
Most sights have a goofy thing where you list some things you just couldn't live without. Be creative and don't put the following things: friends, family, pets, food, water, my car, blah blah blah. Really, this is a super-easy way to put something funny about yourself, and no one thinks that putting oxygen down is clever.
7. Leave your damn emotional baggage at the door
Try not to be a psycho in your profile. We've all had our hearts broken before, so try to relax and don't blast an ex, have a neurotic laundry list of characteristics you want (or don't want) in a partner, or air your personal business. This might feel cathartic to you, but most people will read that and think you're keeping someone in your basement and occasionally squirting them with a water hose.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Could it be....Sea Hag posting twice in one day? Is this a sign of the apocalypse? Is the end nigh!?!?!
Man, I need to stop freebasing.
Anyway, it's National Coming Out Day, so for everyone who is in the closet, apparently Hallmark has designated this day for you to come out and tell everyone if you want. Much love and courage to those who are brave enough to do it today (or any day).
"You're crusin for a brusin"
"Because I said so, that's why"
"Sit down and hold each other's hand"
"Trust me, you don't want me to pull this car over"
"So help you god, if I have to come in there someone is going to get hurt"
And last but not least the ever perverted sounding (but trust me this IS NOT. He had a 2" wide leather belt, and would snap it so you knew he was on his way to make good on his threats....
"Bend over and grab your ankles"
Okay, I really only use the first three or four but you get my point. Question is am I really turning into my father?
What about you? Ever received threats like these or is it just me?
So it's my favorite three this time......
Yes I realize that's 4 The first one I simply had to include so it's really not on the list
Shut up I don't want any back talk out of any of you! Only kidding you know I love your doggie style!
So yeah, I am kinda underwhelmed by the lack of responses to the best and worst pick up lines ever. So I'm giving you all another chance to submit them to me by e-mail or, if you're lazy, by sticking them in the comments section. You can submit more than one, if you want.
I will be giving away a prize to the best one. Seriously. No, I don't know what the prize is yet...but rest assured, it will be so awesome it'll most likely cause some sort of rift in the time-space continuim. I have no idea what I'm talking about anymore. I need to lay off the absinthe.
(Also, to inspire you, I am changing the picture, motto, and quote. Hope you like them)
I happened to get a copy of Sunday’s Parade Magazine, and saw the Marilyn vos Savant questions. (Does anybody else have a hard time buying her as the smartest person in the world?)
(I'll bet she doesn't know all the words to Don Gato)
Anyway, one of the questions sent to Marilyn was so astonishingly easy I goggled. It took me about 12 seconds, and that’s counting that I went back to double-check the answer, thinking it could not possible be that simple, and I had overlooked some important detail. Marilyn seemed to indicate that many would have trouble with it. Here it is, and you decide for yourself.
”At a small grade school Class Reunion (fewer than 24 people), two thirds of the men are married to three fifths of the women. How many people are single?
I don’t want you to put the answer in the Comments (as to ruin it for others, but tell me this: is this question difficult? Are we such a Math-Phobic culture that we freeze up at the mere mention of numbers?
What say you?