Thursday, November 30, 2006
I got my first Dinosaur Presen Day (Featuring T-Rex) gifts yesterday. I tell you the the truth, homies: anyone who is down on that holiday should have seen my haul.
My foodstuffs included: Skittles, Jelly Bellies, Spicy Peanuts, Granola Bars, Dark Chocolate Almond Bark, Dried Mangoes, two kinds of homemade cookies and lots of Beef Jerky.
Besides that, I got a cool sweater, Canadian Beanie Babies (to commemorate my time here, which is fast coming to an end), TO CATCH A THIEF, RAGING BULL (not to be confused with BULL DURHAM), and Norah Jones.
Plus....I got more wizards.
In this cool little black box (with a rose on it) were three wizards and a dragon. (Not our dragon; I'm sure she wouldn't be shacking up with three men, but a pewter dragon). All of the wizards were holding objects such as these (these are not my wizards; they refused to be photographed, but you get the idea):
I realized what I had on hand: A Wizard Bowling Team! I am currently trying to come up with a cool-ass name for my Wizard Bowling Team. If you have a suggestion, I am all ears.
Oh, and if you feel left out and want to exchange gifts for Dinosaur Present Day (Featuring T-Rex) write and ask me. I can't tell you my address, but I can give you the address of my aunt, who should know how to get it to me, wherever I end up.
Of course, I had a change of heart based on two of my pewter figurines (more on that in a minute), but with the crappy internet service here at Camp Outlaw I could not change my team name before the first game commenced on Thanksgiving (per league rules). However, seeing as how the League Commish is Bear, and how he hopes his sisters never find out he offered me both of them once for a Chicken Biscuit, I went ahead and changed by team name anyway, even though we were mid-game.
And of course I lost.
But I shouldn't've. If someone had started Joseph Addai like they were supposed to (read: Koz), I would have gotten Addai's 37.80 points instead of Travis Henry's -.60.
The result of this debacle is that not only did I A) Lose, but B) missed out on being the high scorer for the second week in a row, with the second highest total of the season (second only to my total the week before), but C) the loss eliminated me from playoff contention. To add insult to injury, when I mildly complained (not whining, just pointing out that with Addai I'd have been there), the guy who beat me, normally a class act, gives an entire post bent to mocking me. Sadly, I should have known, as no one from Mississippi is ever classy for very long.
Anyway, I'm letting the playoffs go, and for now just focusing on my new team name.
First, let me tell you how it came about. Awhile back (for Hyperion Day, as I recall), I received two pewter figurines, a Faery and a Wizard. I started carrying them around in my pocket for luck, and wouldn't you know it, the Faery seduced the Wizard. If you don't think that's possible, let me show you what they look like.
Tell me you wouldn't be seduced? Unfortunately, the Faery was going up against more than she bargained for, and that ol' crafty Wizard turned her out.
I know; shocking, but it happens.
So, ladies and gentlemen, for the next few weeks, please root cheer (and heck; maybe even pray) for my fantasy football team
FAERY SLUTS & WIZARD PIMPS
Of course, now I want one!
In other news, I'm announcing a contest, blantatly ripped off from Chicky Babe (but I don't think she reads me any more, so we should be safe, plus, even if she does, Chicky's Australian, and they are noted wusses).
Anyhoo, you know how when you leave a comment there is a Word Verification code? And it's supposed to be random and everything, but sometimes it spells a word, which reallllly creeps me out. Anyway, I've been storing the most interesting of them, but of course they are all currently on my home computer, which is Light knows where.
So I turn to you. Start saving the more interesting Verification Codes and post them on here. Winner gets 32 Monkey Barn Cool Points.
(This one isn't funny, but I post it anyway for the dumber Monkeys who aren't sure of whence I speak.)
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
I promise to be funnier soon.
Monday, November 27, 2006
I wonder what it will be like...what the will they include?
Or will they take another spin on it...
Monkey Barners can only ponder at this time.
Have a "Smurfie" day! (wink wink - nudge nudge)
Thursday, November 23, 2006
H (Lost Goddess)
K (Lady Jane Scarlett)
S (Schrodinger's Kitten)
V (Tracy Lynn)
I (Sea Hag, playing a variation on the theme)
G ("ing" words; the whole Barn)
If you are thankful for things, be sure to leave them in the comments!
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
I scored the most points last weekend in my Fantasy Football league. Not only the most points of any team, but the most points this season!
My team sucks, but for one shining week....
Anyway, the reason I bring this up: The rules are that if your team is the high scorer you can change your team name.
My team was called IRANIAN JEWS FOR JEBUS
Right now I have ISRAELI MUSLIMS FOR BUDDHA, but that's just a place holder. I need a good team name by game time tomorrow.
The more offensive/clever the better.
You people know me. What would be good?
Asking for help,
For the Second “G,” I wanted to mix it up, so I asked the Monkey Barners to send me words that ended in ING that they were thankful for. This is what they came up with. [Any comments I have are in brackets like this]
[It cracks me up that Bear is thankful for belief, since as a scientist that's usually the last block in his wall. Maybe Bear is referring to believing that Schrodinger will one day love him)
likely won't make the list but still thankful for...
[What do you know? They made the list after all, as Dominique blushes a furious red]
bling bling (rings and things)
Sing(ing in the rain)
Spring(the best season-EVER)
Buffalo wings (the hot kind)
Natrual springs (for well, being natural)
String (to tie “things” up with ;)
[From this list it looks like Lost Goddess does a lot of partyING, and if I ever get to go to one I'll be thankful too]
ING (the bank)
[the ING bank one cracks me up. I asked Sea Hag what the ****ing one was, but she wouldn't say, wanting us to guess. Hmmmmmmmm]
[I am speaking to Tracy Lynn as I write this, and she wants me to emphasize peeing. So again, PEEING]
KOZ [his original list was rejected by management, but if he's brave I suppose he could always put it in the comments]
Passing (the football, before Thanksgiving Dinner)
Passing (out on the couch)
[This one is so boring I almost wish I'd kept his first list . Almost]
[I have it on good authority that Dragon sighs like a champ, and that tendrils of smoke come out of her nostrils]
LADY JANE SCARLETT
[It's too easy, you know?]
Thing(s 1 and 2)
[I like how Sleeping is first for her. And what's up with “Spring” being a joke? I need someone less funny to interpret. Also, I happen to know that Thing 1 and Thing 2 are her kids, so let's all together say Awwwwwwww!]
So that's them. I wanted to add something myself, and for two weeks have been looking for this song I saw on Captain Kangaroo. I only saw the show twice, but both times they had this song at the end, leading me to believe they always played it, yet I have searched high and low without a simple bite, so maybe not. The song was a list of “ING” words that you can do, with video of all these things. The words are sung quickly, so it comes out almost like a music video. I can hum the damn thing, but cannot remember the words, other than I am pretty sure swimming, hiking and biking are in there. At the very end they sing, “There's so much to do, these things are just a few!”
I wanted to end with that video, but since I can't find it (and 98 Monkey Barn points to anyone who can), I will give you my own list. If Audioblogger still worked I'd sing it for you, but feel free to sing along in your own tune, or the Captain Kangaroo one if you happen to remember it.
What I am Thankful for (by Hyperion)
READING FEEDING WATCHING SLEEPING WRITING
TRICKING LICKING CARD PLAYING AND FIGH– I – TING
DRINKING WINKING JOUSTING VERBING
SNEAKING PEAKING (DO NOT DISTURBING)
THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO
THESE THINGS ARE JUST A FEW!
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
As they say in the Lion King,"akuna matata" It gets better. This week is blowing up with great post. I going to list them all. Well all the good ones, at least to me. I might even tell you why I chose them.
For shame. Go back and take a look at it, then come back here.
Really, what could I do to compete with THAT?
Fortunately, I don't HAVE to compete, because I was given a rule to play by, and that was that whatever I came up with for my Thanksgiving list had to be in the style of "x 'n' y".
"Pork n' beans," for example. "Strippers n' poles," for another.
So, um, HERE GOES!
Things I'm thankful for that are "something n' something" else, by Tiff
Surf n’ turf
Peanut butter n’ jelly
Salt n’ peppah
Pepperoni n’ sausage
Franks n’ beans
Pie n’ ice cream
Rum n’ coke
Bourbon n’ soda (skip the soda)
Black n’ Tans
Chutes n’ ladders
Hop, skip n’ jump
Twist n’ shout
Rock n’ roll
Hugs n’ kisses
Twigs n’ berries
In n’ out
Moan n’ groan
This n’ that
Nuts n’ bolts
Soap n’ water
Hopes n’ dreams
Bits n’ pieces
Bells n’ whistles
Life n’ death
Monday, November 20, 2006
My favorite Sports Columnist Bill Simmons has this theory that certain women are more dangerous to guys than others. For example, Bill says, guys can say that Ann Hathaway is hot and the does not bother wives and girlfriends, as they find her unthreatening. (Even though she seems to be going out of her way to slut up her image.)
On the other the other hand, this same GF who might say, "Oh, Ann Hathaway is nice" will start dropping F Bombs and throwing things if that same guy says BrittanyMurphy is hot. (Bill also says the same applies to some girl from MTV's The Hills, but never having seen it I am not sure who he meant.)
Anyway, I was watching a movie the other day I'd rather not say that included Amy Smart, and I think she might belong on the second list. Not the most beautiful girl in the world, but when you talk about her to girls, they get mad. I remember once mentioning Amy Smart to my sister, and she immediately trashed the girl's talent, looks, everything. I mean, wow! I just casually mention her and I get a litany back.
I was definitely on to something.
The pictures don't really do her justice. You have to see her in action to understand.
So, what makes a girl threatening to you ladies, and what makes her not? I asked a couple of people for an example of a non-threatening woman, and got Gwyneth Paltrow. Is this true, ladies? If your man said Gwyneth was hot would you be upset?
What about the original non-threatening girl of the '90s: Julia Roberts?
In the end I still need to collect a lot more information. So I throw open the question to the women. What names piss you off when your man says they are hot? What names are you fine with?
And for guys, who are more likely to be honest in this situation, what names have you found your women freaking out over, and what ones pass by without much jealousy at all?
This should be good.
(Extra credit: Ay papi!- what you say when you see eye candy.)
Hawkeye Pierce- M*A*S*H is one of the best shows ever, and any time I'm flipping channels at 3 a.m. and I find an episode, I'm profoundly grateful.
Firefly- One of the best TV shows that met an untimely death. I am thankful to Joss Whedon for introducing me to the creamy goodness that is Nathan Fillion.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Valor - of our men and women in the military
Virtue - the everyday kind
Velocity - without which, I achieve nothing
Veracity - the active side of Truth
Villainy - cuz I find that shit amusing
Vibrating Pillow - if you don't have one, you won't understand. If you do, no explanation is necessary.
Vespa - Hol just won one, but I get to ride it
Vanilla - the base for all things delicious
Vanguard - cuz I'm SO on it
Vituperation - so I can deal with Hyperion and all the other people who work my nerve
Vociferousness - sort of speaks for itself, doesn't it?
Happy Thanksgiving, kids.
Tracy "Lord of Linguistics" Lynn
Ice cream - :)
Idealism - my source of hope.
I think, therefore I am - self awareness and dualism.
Ireland - I loved being there.
Imagination - for which, I am eternally tortured and blessed.
Isaac Newton - My lack of coordination proves the law of gravity over and over again.
Intelligence - the part of my mind that keeps me from insanity.
Intimacy - yum.
Irony - Without irony, I may not laugh as much, if ever.
Internet - I learn something everyday and electronically meet people who encourage me and challenge me to be imaginative. (Yes, I am talking about you Monkey Barners.)
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
She walked up to the group and with a big smile said: "Do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other. One of the workers looked up into the steelwork and yelled "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers yelled down a "Yea. Why?"
The worker yelled back, "His wife's here with his lunch."
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Things I'm thankful for, that begin with the letter S:
Sailing with the Captain
Satin Sheets (+2 points)
Sex on the Beach
Slim Shady (+2)
Samuel L. Jackson
really big Salads
Severus Snape (+2)
Monday, November 13, 2006
1 cup chopped vidalia onions
2 cups crushed Ritz crackers
1/2 cup melted butter
1 can cream of mushroom roasted garlic soup
1 (8 oz) container sour cream
* combine melted butter w/ the crushed Ritz
* with 1 1/2 cups of the cracker mixture, press into a 9 in pie pan (or casserole dish)
* mix the chopped onions w/ the soup and sour cream
* pour mixture into the cracker pie crust and sprinkle the remaining crushed crackers on to the mix
* bake at 350 for 30 - 40 mins (or until the mixture begins to bubble and the onions are soft)
Gobble Gobble y'all :-)
Kisses: From a peck to a passionate kiss that lasts for days, kisses are wonderful!
Kindness: I think that if we each did one random act of kindness, our little world be a better home.
Karma: For when people aren’t very kind, and for when they are…
Kilauea: An active volcano on the
Kaida! She took over the Monkey Barn when we needed a swift kick in the collective butt, so thanks for being a tough (but tender) cookie.
K (as in Potassium): Without K, we’d all be dead!
Kittens: They’re so small and adorably fuzzy, every time I see one, I smile.
Kernels: Of popcorn!!!
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Friday, November 10, 2006
Okay so this wasn't the best week for post secrets...Maybe they don't want to be repetitive with the same ol' secrets, but those are some of the best ones!!! What is a matter with you people. Send them the goods!!! I need to be tied off!!! ...........................And we're back....With Harry Plams! Sorry there, I weirded out there for a minute. Its ok now the world is better.
And now for my post secret pick of the week