There were two bands that affected my youth. Well, really 3, since Love Seed was my favorite Delaware drunk band. But, for speaking the message of dispair and angst, it was Pearl Jam and Smashing Pumpkins.
Please dear Flying Spaghetti Monster, would some more famous people please get tattoos and wreck a few marriages and adopt everyone in the Ukraine so that every time I put the word 'tattoo' in any search engine I don't come up with anything related to Angelina Jolie?
I really don't like or dislike her, honestly, but her tattoos aren't even that good! I hate that she has become like the poster child of tattoo wearers who aren't ex-cons or Hell's Angels. The one on her shoulder in whatever moon language they speak in Cambodia is very pretty, and I think the idea of having the coordinates of where all her kids were born is a neat one, but all the rest of them are pretty poorly executed. The aren't aligned very well, or are sloppy cover-ups (like the kids' coordinates that sort-of cover up Ye Olde Billy Bob Tattoo), or are just the boring stuff that you spot on the wall at a parlor and have slapped on in 20 minutes after a drunken stumble out of a bar. If I had her cash I'd invest in a beautiful piece of artwork by the best tattoo artist I could find.
A priest, a Baptist preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students at the University of Northern British Columbia, Fort St. James campus. The three would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, but a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss their experience.
Father Flannigan, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, goes first.
"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find a bear and when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaimed,
"WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND ME a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a crick. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in real bad shape. The Rabbi looks up and says,
"Looking back on it, I suppose circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
I have decided to start a biker gang. (Technically, a Motorcycle Club, or MC.)
The reasons for this will become clear in a few days, but for now, my as-yet-unformed biker gang needs a name. Any suggestions are welcome, but if you insist on being a smart-ass, remember: once I have my gang, we can literally ride to where you live and kick your ass.
I'm still weighing the options of coed inclusion (traditionally MCs don't allow women to get "patched;" become full members), but if the women can't actually join, they can always be biker bitches, or possibly find fulfillment like these ladies. (NSFW)
Thanks for all your help. In the days to come I will have more information in case you want to be considered for membership in the___________. (Whatever the biker gang is called.)
My Friends, do you need some totally awesome lynx to distract you from the never-ending political coverage today? Do you need the Lynx to "clean up" politics (and thus justify my racy picture above?) Do we dare?
Yes we can!
(There: that got both candidates a plug, without showing favoritism.)
These Lynx will blow you away with the awesome, so be careful.
1. From the World of Eastern Cinema, we have 50 Stunning Asian Movie Posters. Most of these far and away crush the American ones, and they convince me we need to demand more in a movie poster! I stole one, just to give you an idea:
Just judging the posters (and not the movies), my favorite one was for WHISPERING CORRIDORS 4, although you have to love the pterodactyl in LEGENDS OF DINOSAURS AND MONSTER BIRDS. What's your favorite?
2. Here is something kind of cool, or maybe completely creepy: the NOTABLE NAMES DATABASE. They are aiming to track every notable person in the world. Now, before you shout "Big Brother!" you should there: there is far less here than on a Wikipedia page. Mostly just the Who's Who outline. But here's the cool part: the site has a "Mapper" that lets you track how famous people are connected, sort of a Kevin Bacon thing. I went from Barbara Walters to Joseph McCarthy in two steps!
4. Here is one for your wordnerds: The Un-Dictionary. You can submit words that SHOULD BE words. This is something Hyperion has been way ahead of for years. Maybe I will submit all mine. Either that or start my own Hyperictionary. (By the way: my link takes you directly to "Sapiosexuality;" definitely a passion of mine.)
How cool was that? My favorite is the '50s, if only because the bras are so fantastic. What's yours?
[By the way: Hyperion is an ACTUAL FEMINIST, not a FRAUD FEMINIST, which means he believes most women are way tougher than they've been portrayed by the EVIL FRAUDULENT SELF-APPOINTED SELF-RIGHTEOUS leaders of the Women's Movement, which means he knows actual it's actually a sign of respect to jokingly call women bitches the same way he might call his male friends bastards, and he knows the word itself does not set back the cause of women in the slightest, but the overreaction and PC culture some would create surely does. And now I'll get off the soapbox.]
7. I give you this link, of Hispanics Breaking for McCain, only because a friend of mine did it. He was just trying to get a rise out of people on Digg, but it serves as a great lesson to us all: what we read on the net, what we hear "reported" on the news isn't necessarily true. Beware stats my friends. Beware.
8. Finally, if you're tired of politicians who just don't deserve your trust, I urge you to fall in love with Hazel McCallion, the non-partisan mayor of Mississauga, Ontario.
Read her Wikipedia page: Hazel is an amazing woman. In 2005 Hazel came in second in the World Mayor Award to Dora Bakoyannis of Athens, Greece. I'm sure Dora is the Cat's Pajamas and all that, but I smell a French judge somewhere screwing over the Canucks again. In a time when partisanship makes everyone into enemies, Hazel has been a popular mayor for 30 years, and usually runs unopposed. She gets stuff for her city that the gigantic Toronto can only dream of, because she rocks. Nice to have someone to believe in, even if they are igloo dwellers.
Last night at halftime of the Monday Night Football game Chris Berman did a short interview with Barack Obama and John McCain. The interviews were live via satelite. (Conducted live: they may have been shot earlier in the day.) I don't know if the candidates were given the questions beforehand, although this was more of a human interest piece, so it's not like it was tough to figure out.
Both Candidates were asked what was the most valuable thing they ever learned from the sporting world (either from watching sports in or their own lives), and also what one thing they would change about sports. Overall McCain was funnier, throwing in a few jokes that fans of Chris Berman would get, but Obama's answer almost made me weep with happiness. I'm still not planning on voting for either guy, but Obama picked the one thing that bugs me most about sports too, which was pretty moving. I tell you the truth: if I thought for a moment he might actually do something about it, that would be good enough reason for me to vote for him. (I think you'll all agree the BCS is far more important as a single issue than guns or when babies cease to be zombies or taxes or war or any of that inconsequential stuff.)
Here are the two videos:
If the videos won't work, here is the transcript. (They have the order backwards, which may or may not be biased, but it is accurate.)
Former Monkey Dominique sent me an email last night, reminding me of the REDSKINS RULE. The idea is that:
If the Washington Redskins win their last home game before the election, the incumbent party will keep the White House. This has apparently proved true 16 out of 17 times, since 1936, with the lone exception being 2004. Another way to look at that would be it was accurate 16 times in a row, and then the cycle was broken 4 years ago, but whatever floats your boat.
Anyway, THE REDSKINS LOST TO THE STEELERS 23 - 6.
If the REDSKINS RULE is correct, this means Obama wins the election. (See more)
From Skittles, Foamy the Squirrel weighs in (sorta) on the election.
I have to say, I agree with Foamy at the outset, but I completely disagree with his idea that public schools are underfunded. Truly, they are a Tafdamned disaster, but funding is not the (central) issue.
And Foamy's words at the end are completely wrong. Politicians are all about giving you money, so you will vote for them again. What do you think Stimulus packages are designed to do? They sure don't help the economy.
Anyway, we provide forum for all views here, so Foamy, take it away: