I like looking through the Hatland.com website because it's one of the few places that regularly stocks hats my size. I was browsing through the other day and saw a "Holiday" section, and simply loved these three.
Santa vs. Turkey (Who Ya Got?)
How on Earth has this not been made into a treasured Holiday special? (buy it here)
Christmas Lights
I think this looks sweet. Maybe I'm an idiot. They also had it in white, but black makes the most sense. (Buy it here)
Santa Skull
Don't know why, but this just spoke to me. (Buy it here)
IMPORTANT NOTE - all pictures are copyrighted by hatland.com - I hope they won't mind me borrowing them since I'm giving a plug. So you know, I do this of my own accord because I love the hats. I get no payment or kickback of any kind.
The other day I was talking to Tracy Lynn on the phone about computers, and she had this odd three-minute semi-rant against Apple. I didn't really think anything about it until she launched into her spiel again on her website.
Okay, so Tracy's not so hot on Apple. But surely she'll change her mind once she sees the new Apple Wheel!
I have some more great gifts, for girls, guys, and even kids!
Eddie Bauer Smart Mug - This thing plugs into your cigarette lighter in your car to keep your coffee/cocoa/blood warmer longer!
Internet Radio Jukebox - You plug this into your computer's USB port, and it allows you to select from 13,000 radio stations all over the world. No software needed, no monthly cost, and you can save your favorites right to the Jukebox so that you can take it with you! ($25)
The Shred Sled - It's a skateboard, but the two halves are separate, joined at the middle. the practical effect of this is to allow much more autonomous movement in each section. The website claims you don't have to push off and you can even go uphill. Not sure how that works, but the videos seem pretty cool. The idea is that it feels more like a snowboard than a skateboard. ($100)
i-Spin Portable DJ Mixer - Let's get this party stared, right?! For all you would-be House DJs who are also snobby enough to have IPods, the perfect gift for you to retain your mad flavor without giving up your merlot. Instead of sticking records on a turntable, old scool, you stick in IPods and use the music to scratch out sounds. It doesn't injure the music like a record player might, and they even have mini turn-tables for manipulation. You'll be the hit of the country club! (Sorry for the bitterness. I consider anyone with an IPod to be an insufferable Park Avenue snob, but this thing is kinda cool.)
and our best in show......
VADO Pocket Video Cam - Now THIS is a cool gift. It's a camcorder the size of a cellphone. You can take up to two hours of video and then download it directly to your computer via the USB port. No fuss, no muss. Great for capturing those "moments" that come up quickly. Birthday greetings to Grandma, clips to your website (or even Monkey Barn, hint hint). Comes in pink and silver. I would use this. In fact, I think I'll put it on my Amazon Wish List right now.
Yesterday I posted some gifts for guys; today I have some for you lovely ladies.
From the world of coiture, Wal-Mart has a Bubble Coat for only $12. This is perhaps the most amazing deal I've ever seen. It's labled as "juniors," but according to the reviews that's inccorect; the coats are quite large and roomy. I love this purple, but there is also black. Don't thank me now.
Continuing our Fashion Phalanx, Macy's is offering Cashmere Sweaters (normall 110-130 dollars), for $60. I have never owned a cashmere anything, but chicks like this, right? The above link is V-neck, but there is also shawl-collar, turtle neck and boat neck, for those so inclined. (I had some trouble with the specific links; if you do too, use the first link and just click on women, then sweaters, then scroll down.)
Shifting gears slightly, we have the Snuggie. Basically it's a blanket with sleeves, since chicks always seem to be cold. I refuse to write anything else about this. Watch the damn video, you big babies.
Speaking of babies......
So, I was talking to someone last night, and somehow the subject of babydoll lingerie came up. (And what do you talk to you grandma about?) I got led to this "plus size" website called HipsAndCurves.com. First of all, I continue my outrage at Big Fashion. What the F**k, people?
There's nothing wrong with a big girl; I myself could flatten a house. But these girls are not what I would call plus anything. They're normal-sized. I cannot imagine that straight men make these decisions, since straight men tend to like regular-sized women. You know, with hips and curves. Therefore, I lay the blame at the feet of Straight Women and Gaydom.
Clean up your act, Fashionistas! Quit trying to relabel the queens! (There are some great babydolls here, by the way, for perfectly normal girls. If you happen to buy one, the least you could do is send me a picture of you in said garment.
Up next: cool gadgetry for men, women, boys or girls. (But not haters who decide on fashion.)
The other day I posted some incredible DVD deals. These are so amazing it's hard to believe, but true. I'm not sure anything can beat 19 seasons of Simpsons on DVD (8 of which aren't even available in America), for $170, but there are a few jaw-droppers that I didn't get to post the other day.
The Cannes Film Festival has a 60th Anniversary package, with 60 movies. They look to be all the winners of the Palm D'Or. It costs $160.
Then there is the Oscar Classic Package. It includes an astonishing 96 movies, including many of the Best Picture Winners (and all nominated movies that are famous) for $210. You should click just to read the list!
And what may be the biggest draw, Disney has their 100 Years of Magic Collection, which actually comes in a Golden Treasure Box! There is a 150 disc edition, and a 132 disc edition. I just looked at both discs, and the only thing the 132 disc edition is missing is a few Barbie cartoons and a couple of Disney Fairy tales. It's not worth 50 extra bucks. Anyway, the 132 disc edition has everything you've ever wanted, from all the regular disney movies, to the Pixar movies, to all the Donald and Mickey and Minnnie and even all the Whinnie the Pooh and Tom and Jerry. You have never seen anything like it. It's regularly priced for 1000 bucks, and the lowest I've seen is $250, but here it's $170.
All of the items have a $17 shipping, but when you consider how much more expensive these would be anywhere else, they're just steals.
Also, remember to visit the home page to get coupon codes for 5, 10, or 15% off.
And feel free to get me something! (I'm going to put up a wish-list tomorrow, Tengri willing.)
Dude, I have deals for you. I found a site called One Click, and the DVD offers are incredible. So much so that I questioned it, but looking into matters, it's legit. They take paypal, and are Visa guaranteed (which means that if your purchase went sour Visa won't charge you for it, same with Amazon or anyone.)
The trick is, it's in (I think) Korea, and as such there is a hefty shipping fee added. Even with that, the deals are still eye-popping, but to get your money's worth I only included Box Sets. Make sure you look at the home page for coupon codes (depending on how much you're ordering.)
Dude, some of these offers aren't even on DVD in America yet. Wait until you get to the very last one! There are multiple versions of several of the offerings (different distributors), so poke around if you want. I am giving the lowest priced ones, but you may want another. For example, the first offering (Deadwood) has another full series set with an additional bonus disc, but it costs 9 bucks more. Enjoy!
Actually, I HAD a whole bunch. I found all these "Black Friday" deals at Amazon, but I guess it's not Black Friday anymore. (I don't ever remember that term. How long have people been using it?)
Anyway, I found some other deals that you might like. Make sure to get me something too, okay?
Amazon has movies for less than $5. There are 275 of them, some actually good! I noticed INSIDE MAN, BRICK, ABOUT A BOY and CHILDREN OF MEN just on the front page.
And Amazon has Seasons of TV shows for less than $20. Including Seasons of The Simpsons, Gilmore Girls, Mad Men and more. There are also movies, so you have to sort of comb through (1228 options), but dude, the deals are worth taking the time.
How long have you lived without a Darth Vader Toaster? Too long my friend, too long. (You didn't even know these things existed before, but now you want one!)
And for those Star Wars Fans out there who also get cold, , might I suggest a Stormtrooper Hoodie? Perfect for that guy or gal who's out on the town looking for droids.
Yesterday I was sitting in the parking lot at Wal-Mart, because I am most surely an idiot. We needed a few groceries, which my sister and I were going to get. However: Saturday was the 2nd, the day after payday, which means everybody and their brother was at Wal-Mart (on a Saturday afternoon).
Second, every year Georgia runs this scam where they hold a "tax holiday," in order to get people to spend more money. Are people this stupid? In a word? Yes.
(We like to do the shopping in the middle of the night, when it's just you and the stockers. Might be a little tough to maneuver, but it's so nice to move in relative freedom.)
Anyway, so the plan was ill-conceived. Unfortunately, my allergies were just killing me, and (this is gross, in case you want to skip to the next paragraph), I kept swallowing snot all through lunch, and I drank water on top of Chinese food, which is salty, which means it didn't digest, which means the snot just curdled in my stomach, and long story short, I kept throwing up ribbons of snot as I spit/blew my nose hundreds of times.
This meant that I stayed in the car while my sister went it. (Actually, I drove around to different parking spots, because I kept opening my car door to throw up and I didn't want to be associated or near that. I couldn't really get out and walk around because it was almost 100 degrees.
So not good times.
However, the point: as I was sitting and not breathing, I listened to hard-rock radio. Not generally my first club out of the bag, but I was too miserable even to change the dial. One of the songs caught me with the line "Maybe I'm the one who is.....the schizophrenic psycho." As they say, it was like they were playing my song.
When I got home I looked it up; turns out the song is sung by Puddle of Mudd. (It's called "Psycho.") I'm not super familiar with them, but I've heard a few of their songs. I seem to recall in one of them that someone (either the singer or the girl he was singing about), wanted his/her ass smacked. Not sure why that detail stuck in my head.
I listened to the song again, and read over the lyrics. They seemed mysterious and meaningful, even though they probably aren't. Here you go:
Then, I happened to find another version, the music video. This changed everything for me. Has that ever happened to you? You totally like a song, it seems to hit that certain part of the back of your brain, to reach out and "get" you, but the video is so different from your interpretation that it almost ruins it? They won't let me embed that, but if the song hooked you, watch it here.
I suppose I should wrap this up with something witty or interesting, but I can't breathe again, so I'm done.
[This post is "borrowed" by my blog, cross-posted here because no one ever goes there and I wanted that outside chance that someone would read this.]
Because I, Hyperion, of the Monkey Barn Tribe (MBT), do desire all good things for my fellow monkeys, various hangers-on and assorted groupies (cough cough avitable cough cough), I bring you the following three items that you should not, nay dare not live without:
1. Monster 1200W I don't know the last time I watched an entire infomercial on a cleaning product, but the Monster 1200W fit the bill. Not just a steam cleaner, but with a non-toxic cleanser/sanitizer hooked in at the bottom, which is good for the germ-killing and odor removing and whatnot. OCD clean-freaks will love it, but I can't see anyone not wanting one of these. Check out the Monster 1200W website, which has a small clip from the infomercial. I would actually do housework if I had one of these.
2. For the men (and really cool women), isn't it time you ordered some more beef jerky? And not just beef jerky, but how about ostrich, elk, alligator, even kangaroo! Personally I thought the Cherry Maple Smoked Turkey Jerky looked divine, but there are plenty of favorites to choose from. Just make sure you send me some.
3. Ladies, you didn't think I forgot about you, did you? From our good friends the Trojans, I bring you the new Vibrating Touch. Meant to go on a finger, and after that it's up to you! (If someone orders this, please leave a long, detailed and steamy comment about how it works, eh?)
A few last minute shopping websites you need to know about, with free Shipping!
(And since my paypal account has not been ringing up yet, this is a fine way to send me a gift!)
Overstock.com Recently these dudes have been advertising on TV, but they really are the cat's pajamas. Their philosophy is to take stock stores can't sell (often previous years' merchandise, but still new and good), and sell if cheaply. And did I mention FREE SHIPPING?
Hyperion Connection: Hypie has been craving some good cordless headphones, so he can watch TV with his very loud fans on. Also, if you're looking for stocking stuffers, DVDs are only six bucks! They aren't the newest releases, but hey.....If you're willing to spend a few more dollars they have The Simpsons Movie and Superbad Unrated for about 15, but even the non-new releases have some gems. They have The Ref for $7.27, Clue for $6.97 (one of the funniest movies EVER), Grosse Point Blank for $8.99 and Return to me for $10.10. (Note: anyone who buys me Return to Me will be shot. I only include it because chicks like that shit.)
Moving on, we have
Hats.com These dudes really know how to top off a party. (Top off. Har har.) They boast free shipping if you buy three (I don't think it's very much otherwise), and tons of deals on discounts and specials that pop up all the time. The fedoras by Country Gentleman will make your man do back flips. (Hyperion recommends the "Raider" or the "Bogey," and yes, they are modeled after Indiana Jones and Rick Blaine. Sadly, they are not likely to fit Hyperion.)
Hyperion Connection: most of the hats won't fit Hypie, but if you really want to get me a hat, the grey colored "Glen" by Bailey in XXL would fit me.
Tomorrow: the mother of all last minute gift places. I'm so confident they can have your stuff to you by Christmas, I'm not telling you until then.
