Friday, April 03, 2009

Yet more FML!

Because Lost Goddess asked so nicely, here are some more of my favorite FMLs


Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend and she was grabbing the fat on my stomach I said to her "stop touching my fat". She replied "so don't touch you at all?" FML
[Hyperion - if a man said that to a woman....oh, man. I'm already cringing.]

Today, my over-protective mom decided to do a blacklight test on my room to make sure I wasn't doing the naughty in my bed. The bed was clean. My face wasn't. FML

[Hyperion - I'm not sure what's more disgusting; her whorriness or her lack of hygeine.]

Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML

Today, I told my girlfriend I needed someone to talk to because I just found out my aunt has cancer. She told me to talk to her in an hour, Spongebob was on. FML

Today, I woke up a little after seven. I felt sick to my stomach because last night was my bachelor party and I drank more than I ever have before. I checked my phone, and I had received 42 missed calls. It was seven o'clock pm. Today was my wedding day. FML

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text telling me to turn the radio on to a certain station. When I did, there was a talk show on, and the host was ranting about how important it is for women to control themselves and not be emotional. My boyfriend continued texting me, asking if I was listening. FML

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "because you can't find a real girl I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

[Hyperion - That's just brutal. ]

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