Saturday, May 31, 2008

This Maybe a chick quiz

But I am posting it anyway, because I think some of the traits still speak to a man who deals with women all the fucking time

I am Elinor Dashwood!

Take the Quiz here!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Oh the things I watch for class and to save the planet...

International Indiana

For what it's worth, I did a sorta review of INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL. And also don't forget! Today is International Read a Childhood Book Day. And even if you're illiterate you cannot miss Sunday's International Princess Leia Day!!!!!!!!!!111

You can find all the cool new Holidays over on International Day. Yeah!

Elevator Ghost

Now that's just creepy

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

We fall to pieces without Hyperion...

Click to Mix and Solve

Cannes 2008 Fashion

What a sexy Pirate wants, a sexy Pirate gets....

Dragon's Picks for the best fashions of Cannes 2008

6. Cate Blanchett was a stunner in this Armani Prive gown for the opening of the newest Indian Jones movie. Best looking villian ever. Ever!

5. Angelina Jolie - I love the colour of this Max Azria Atelier gown. And you can always count on Angelina to wear the best accessories on her arm. Mmm, Brad looks yummy. I wonder if I can get him in my size?

4. Bar Refaeli - This Israeli model turned a lot of heads with her lilac Alberta Ferretti gown. The gown cost $700,000 and was studded with diamonds around the neckline and bodice. I bet you thought those men in dark suits around her were guarding just her body.

3. Eva Longoria showed us why she's becoming a queen on the red carpet in this amazing blue Versace gown.

2. Penelope Cruz - I've said it before, she never disappoints me. This white Marchesa gown shows off her sexy back and shoulders beautifully.

1. Cate Blanchett - I simple LOVE this blush Armani Prive. It is a work of art and Cate looks like a goddess in it.

What do you think of my picks? Agree/Disagree?

Things you cannot live without.

Because I, Hyperion, of the Monkey Barn Tribe (MBT), do desire all good things for my fellow monkeys, various hangers-on and assorted groupies (cough cough avitable cough cough), I bring you the following three items that you should not, nay dare not live without:

1. Monster 1200W I don't know the last time I watched an entire infomercial on a cleaning product, but the Monster 1200W fit the bill. Not just a steam cleaner, but with a non-toxic cleanser/sanitizer hooked in at the bottom, which is good for the germ-killing and odor removing and whatnot. OCD clean-freaks will love it, but I can't see anyone not wanting one of these. Check out the Monster 1200W website, which has a small clip from the infomercial. I would actually do housework if I had one of these.

2. For the men (and really cool women), isn't it time you ordered some more beef jerky? And not just beef jerky, but how about ostrich, elk, alligator, even kangaroo! Personally I thought the Cherry Maple Smoked Turkey Jerky looked divine, but there are plenty of favorites to choose from. Just make sure you send me some.

3. Ladies, you didn't think I forgot about you, did you? From our good friends the Trojans, I bring you the new Vibrating Touch. Meant to go on a finger, and after that it's up to you! (If someone orders this, please leave a long, detailed and steamy comment about how it works, eh?)

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Previews before Prince Caspian

Saw PRINCE CASPIAN last night. Before the film were six previews, ranging from good to suicide-inducing.


Comment: Looks adorable, and I'd follow Pixar anywhere.


Comment: I actually tried to slit my own wrists with a soda can. No lie.


Comment: I have fears this might suck, but at least it looks like they are trying. I'll wait for word-of-mouth on this, but feel cautiously optimistic.

- I posted the clip last time (watch it over on You Tube should you desire), but I did add a wrinkle this time you might want to try in the theater. At the beginning of the trailer the words appeared "the most powerful superhero on earth...." and I piped up, "Oprah?" General laughter from those around us. Then, they start to show Hulk's immense green body breaking through the asphalt, and I quipped, "....still could be Oprah....." Brought the house down. Try it!

JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH - I posted this earlier too (watch it here). I have every confidence this 3-D movie will suck, but at least it will be an interesting experiment.


Comment: Will Smith has proven he can open a movie, whether it's dreck or gold. These trailers look pretty good, and I like the take on a superhero who's so alone and freakish he becomes a homeless alcoholic. Add in Justin Bateman, and this could be the movie of the summer.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Quote of the Day - Late Night

"Well, as reported, some Democrats are quietly sending word to Hillary that it's over. And Hillary's people said it's not over until the fat lady sings. To which Bill said, 'There's a fat lady? Where?'" --Jay Leno

Sunday, May 18, 2008

The "One Semester of Spanish" Spanish Love Song

Disgruntled former Barner Koz sent me this video. I laughed my ass off. My favorite part? When he casually keeps the vase from falling over.

Good times.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

A new recipe for you.....

Dragon's Amaretti Brownie Cheesecake

I won first place in a Bake Off today with this yummy creation. It my own Dragon's Amaretti Brownie Cheesecake and its devine. :) Enjoy.


Brownie Layer
1 cup unsalted butter
1 cup cocoa powder
1/2 tbsp espresso powder
1 3/4 cups sugar
4 large eggs, room temperature
2 tsp vanilla
1 1/4 cups all purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp fine salt
1/2 cup toasted almonds, chopped

Cheesecake Layer
6 oz semi-sweet chocolate, chopped
2 x 8 oz (250 g) packages of cream cheese at room temperature
1/2 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp pure almond extract
1 1/3 cups whipping cream
1 tbsp Amaretto liquor

2 oz white chocolate, melted
2 oz dark chocolate, melted
4 amaretti cookies, crushed

Get the rest of the recipe over in Dragon's Kitchen.


Cannes I be awesome like Cate?

Might I suggest that Dragon also review the fashion at Cannes? From what I've seen, looks good!
As one example, for the Barn Overlord's pleasure, I present...Cate Blanchett.

:) LJS

Death Star Cantene (Eddie Izzard bit)

Indecision 2008

There are some great one-liners. Enjoy! :) LJS

Free McDonald's Chicken Sandwich

Today McDonald's is giving out FREE SOUTHERN-STYLE CHICKEN SANDWICHES, when you buy a drink.

While not as good as Chick-Fil-A, they are nothing to sneeze at. Worth a trip through the drive through, n'est pas?

P.O.D. - funny papers

Click for bigger size.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Best Horses Ever, in the Mind of a Duck

[Hyperion's Note: My good friend (and occasional lover) Sparky Duck posted the following over on his website Philly Transplant. He was kind enough to allow me to repost it here as well, for all those horse-lovers out there. (Joke omitted about Monkey Barn gals and their "love" of horses)]

This is actually a post idea that I got from a comment on my Kentucky Derby review post of last week. Good ole Hyperion asked a darn fine question. Plus, I think I am going to cross post this post on the Monkey Barn, just to hear what Hyperion thinks.

Hyperion said...

I'm not a big horse racing guy, but I have been watching the Triple Crown religiously for 20 years. I'm curious what the best horse and horse races you have seen.

The best duels were with Easy Goer and Sunday Silence, late '80s I think. The best horse, hands-down, was Point Given. To this day I can't figure out why he lost the Derby (his only loss ever, I believe). Just didn't want to win that one. Man, did he dominate in the Preakness and Belmont

And of course, being Hyperion, he does bring up some great horses to look at. Though of course, me being the duck that I am, I am going to have to quibble just a little bit.

I have been watching races since the early 80s. I still remember winning my family Preakness pool when Forty Niner hit on the board. So, I have lots of races tucked away in my feathery brain.

The best horse ever of course is Secretariat. His Belmont performance was sheer and utter domination. But, Secratariat was even before my time.

The best horse I have ever seen in person was Smarty Jones, but that was not really in a race since it was his retirement workout at Philadelphia Park. By then, Smarty was ready to start shagging, not racing. So, best I have seen at the time would be a tough call, between Hyperion's Point Given and Afleet Alex. Both horses had inexplicable faults in the Kentucky Derby and then went out and won the last 2 parts of the Triple Crown races, stomping the pretenders that had managed to defeat them in the Derby. I would probably give the nod to Point Given, based on bloodlines and his price, but Afleet Alex was also damned special.

Best race ever? Even tougher call, probably because as I watch, I am so impressed by some performances. Afleet Alex stumbling at the start of the Preakness and then cruising to a win. Though the most crushing race in the Triple Crown races at least of my past, has to be Real Quiet losing to Victory Gallop by a nose at the Belmont. My heart just sunk.

And for uplifting, check out what Rags to Riches did in the Belmont last year. While the field was a tad overrated, a Filly winning like that against the Stallions is special.

Don't mess with Papa Bear!

Enjoy the Colbert version of Papa Bear's meltdown.
:) LJS

Obama/Stewart 2008

Marital score!

Found an interesting ditty on Slate today and thought I'd bring it to the Barn. I must say that Mr. LJS is a saint for taking someone who managed to score a negative (!) on this test! What a difference women's lib makes!
:) LJS

Quote of the Day

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise.

-- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Bill O'Reilly

Do you hate Bill O'Reilly as I do? Every night it seems like he and Keith Olbermann are in a never-ending contest to see who's the biggest douche-bag. (and don't even begin to tell me that Olbermann is "good." They both suck balls, which is what they are doing when they can't find a young girl to stalk. Look into it.)

Anyway, I found a video of O'Reilly going crazy on camera a few years ago. Now, recording for tape can be tough, and everyone on camera has made thousands of mistakes. I'm more than sure Olbermann has his terrible moments, as do other TV personalities that I don't wish raped to death by pit-bulls.

But I have to admit: in a real snarky way, watching Bill O'Reilly lose his shit is funny stuff:

O'Reilly loses it.

P.O.D. - Black Bear style

My sister has a long (and complicated) history with black bears. So she was lovin' it when I sent her this picture. She made it her desktop image, and you should too!

Green Day : the Pachelbel Case

Our Dear Overlord posted a YouTube video by Paravonia earlier. I laughed and went..he has a point. I reccomend his bit about Friends, it's a hoot! Green Day with Pachelbel played under it...fascinating & fun.

Brothel Parrot

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. “Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.”

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.”

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, “That’s really not so bad.”

When her two daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, “New house, new madam, new girls.”

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman’s husband Francis came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said,

“Hi, Francis!”

Monday, May 12, 2008

P.O.D. - May 12

I've just got to write a story about this

Daily Lynx - Monday style

the following are links you need to click to make it through your Monday. Don't fight it; I'm an expert.

1. From the Crime Lab, we have the Hired Assassin Agency. For when you're just too busy to kill 'em yourself.

2. From the Equal Opportunity Department, we have, uh.....ahem, underwear for men. There is no nudity, ladies, but not a lot left to the imagination, either. One hesitates to ask, but, do you think there could be some, er, enhancement going on?

3. From our Cross-Promotional Department, it is International Kiss the Cook Day. Please lay one on your favorite gourmet in my honor, eh?

4. From our Garden of Eden Department (Tree of Forbidden Knowledge Division), we have a link that I really really really really really recommend you avoid. And for Light's sake, if you do go see the curious but innocent picture, DO NOT take the man's advice. You're just going to have to trust me.

5. And Last (but not fist), from our Elitist-Liberalism Department, impress everyone with your take on the Reverend Wright controversy by reading Michelle Obama's Senior Thesis written while she was at Princeton University, in 1985. Since the thesis alone won't help you much (and is virtually unreadable), skim the work for people Miss Michelle LaVaughn Robinson praises, and then look up "Black Separatism" on Wikipedia. I'm not the first to think of this, but perhaps it was not Barack Obama who insisted on going to Rev. Wright's church for all those years.

these are you Daily Lynx. Use them wisely.

Backwards Walk

Is it wrong that I find this sexy? - Watch more free videos

Quote of the Day - W.W.

This is what you shall do: Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body. . .

Walt Whitman

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Favourite Duran Duran Song...

.... Ordinary World. What's yours?


wrong email...

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because oftheir hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without noticing his error, sent the e-mail to the wrong address.

Meanwhile somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a Minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Date: Friday, April 13, 2007

Subject: I have arrived!

Dearest Love:

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

P.O.D. - Bruce Campbell style

I was double-dog dared, and you know what that means....


It turns out every single song ever made is really Pachelbel's Canon.

Who knew?

Daily Lynx - Lohan style

1. Lindsay Lohan will apparently go full-frontal in her next movie, an "Indie," where Lohan will play a nymphomaniac waitress. An insider told the London Sun, "Lindsay doesn't care she's getting paid peanuts. She wants to remind people she can act and that she is worth hiring.” Works for me.

2. This one isn't a link, but have you heard they are making the 7th Harry Potter movie in two installments? Supposedly this is to get "all of it" into the movies, but I think we all know the real reason.


3. I found myself mesmerized by this guy, calmly discussing how religion and politics can affect people. How did they do that?

4. A photo collection of the Worlds' Biggest Holes. Shockingly, neither Courtney Love or Andy Dick made the cut. Seriously, these holes freaked me out. How 'bout you?

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

In his spare time

Wow. The comments under the article are very funny also.
:) LJS

Meanwhile, in his spare time...

...Obama seems to have brought peace to the Niger Delta. No joke.


Rebels who have stepped up attacks on Nigeria's oil industry in the last month said on Sunday they were considering a ceasefire appeal by U.S. presidential hopeful Barack Obama.

The Movement for the Emancipation of the Niger Delta (MEND) has launched five attacks on oil facilities in the Niger Delta since it resumed a campaign of violence in April, forcing Royal Dutch Shell to shut more than 164,000 barrels of oil per day (bpd).

"The MEND command is seriously considering a temporary ceasefire appeal by Senator Barack Obama. Obama is someone we respect and hold in high esteem," the militant group said in an e-mailed statement.

P.O.D. - Restroom Sign

Easily the best Dual Restroom Signs I have ever seen. Beats the tar out of Dingos/Sheilas

Trapped in an Elevator

Time-lapse video of a man trapped in an elevator for 41 hours. With the musical score I found it oddly compelling. I'm not sure I would do that well.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Daily Lynx

Haven't done the Daily Lynx in awhile. These are pretty spectacular, plus there is a secret message below written in code.

1. Take a look at America's Most Lustful Cities. I'm always suspicious of the criteria these "groups" use to determine such things, but it is at least interesting. Although, that said, how did Ohio get two cities in the top ten? And Maryland gets two too? Weird.

2. From Lady Jane Scarlett (who would have posted herself, but is on a self-imposed sabbatical while she mourns the death of Mohandas Gandhi), we have Star Wars in an Urban Setting. These are really sweet. I think my favorite are the two with the Imperial Guards. Probably because that red really pops, you know?

3. From Bear, we have Hot for Words. There's no real way to describe what's going on here. Basically Marina (seen above), is a philologist, which means she studies linguistics and etymology. She explains word origins in her little videos, all while...well, you have to see for yourself. It's totally safe for work, but you might never be the same again. Actually, I'll embed one of the videos, so you can see what I mean.

4. Finally, in a slightly different direction, you've no doubt heard about the questionable pictures of Miley Cyrus in Vanity Fair. The funny part is Disney getting all up in arms. Not So Fast, says Slate Magazine, who points out a Disney underwear ad in China. The picture in the article is in no way pornographic or anything like that, and one would think I would jump at the chance to show a 13 year old in her underwear, as part of a "legitimate news story." But I just feel uncomfortable with people googling "disney," "underage" and "panties" and coming here. So it's on Slate if you want to take a look. And just last night I was flipping through the channels and saw on some show called TMZ that they also send cartoon-based bras and panties overseas with underage models in them.

Look, I'm not a prude, and I don't know where the line is. I mean, tasteful underwear for a 12 year old is no different than a swimsuit, and we wouldn't have a problem with that, right? I don't know, though....something about it just doesn't sit right with me. And for damn sure Disney has a lot of nerve getting all up in arms over the Miley Cyrus shoot.

(And forget about Miley and family getting upset. Vanity Fair went to far as to release a video that shows the family there on the day of the shoot. AND, the pictures were digital, which means they saw them right then. This is a case of a story going south and people looking for cover.

Food Quiz

from Arcamax:

1) What do the following products all have in common: Barnum's Animal Crackers, Cream of Wheat Cereal, Grey Poupon Mustard, Knox Gelitin, Life Savers, Milk Bone Dog Biscuits, Planters Peanuts and A.1. Steak Sauce?

2) Do you know what percentage of the total world catch of fish is caught in the northern hemisphere?
a) 10% b) 25% c) 40% d) 75% e) 90%

3) What is the difference between the liquid in a can of salmon and the liquid in a can of tuna?

4) Portobello mushrooms are actually the mature, fully opened form of what mushroom?

5) The following events all took place in the same year. Can you guess what year?
* Gold Bond Trading Stamps were introduced.
* Teflon was discovered.
* Larousse Gastronomique by Prosper Montagne was published.
* Lawry's Seasoned salt was created by Lawrence L. FRank for use in his new restaurant, Lawry's The Prime Rib in Los Angeles.
* Both the Nestle Crunch Bar and Hershey's Krackel bar were introduced.
* Mott's Apple Juice was introduced.
* Nescafe instant coffee was introduced by Nestle in Switzerland.
a) 1918 b) 1923 c) 1928 d) 1933 e) 1938

6) Native to both Europe and the Americas, today this fruit is cultivated in the U.S. from Alaska to Florida, but it is rarely cultivated from seed. The U.S. produces 75% of the world's crop, and it is an important crop in Canada, Australia, Japan, and parts of Africa.

Its name is very old, dating back to at least 1000 AD, There are many theories, but no one really knows for sure how, why and where its name originated. The Romans valued it for its supposed medicinal properties, such as healing loose teeth and treating stomach problems.

This fruit is technically an enlarged pulpy receptacle bearing numerous achenes, or in other words an aggregate of numerous nutlets distributed on an enlarged, pulpy, scarlet receptacle. It is 90% water and contains more vitamin C than an equal quantity of lemons or oranges.

Name this fruit.

7) The Encyclopedia Britannica gives the following description of this bean: The fresh beans "have no aroma. The characteristic aroma results from enzymatic action during curing. The traditional method begins with subjecting the harvested beans to a process of nightly sweating and daily exposure to the sun for about 10 days, until they become deep chocolate brown in color. Then the beans are spread on trays in an airy shelter until dry enough for grading and packing. Curing and drying requires from four to five months. The best grade of cured bean pods may be covered with tiny crystals, which provide the characteristic aroma, sweet, rich, and delicate. This coating, known as givre, may be used as a criterion of quality."
Name this bean.

Answers in Comments