Monday, October 31, 2005
How cool is that, people? How cool is that?
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Pirate keyboard [no word if the monitor is specially made to fit a guy with an eyepatch]
A completely lame game that you’ll spend way too much time playing [Sounds like dating in the 7th Grade]Ro-Sham-Bo; The Next Generation [I couldn’t follow the flow chart, but I’d be willing to start a club if anyone’s interested]
Red-Tailed Hawk vs. Rattlesnake [I do not know why FOX doesn’t have a show called “Vs.” which features animals, humans, whatever fighting. Who wouldn’t watch this every week?]Darth Vader scares his wife [I need to get me a wife just so that I can do this]
This must be what taking drugs is like [I can honestly say I’ve never seen white men jump that high. Show this one to your wife. She’ll leave you alone for hours]What’s really in your Halloween candy? [I do this one so that Harriet can’t accuse me of never having anything positive and community-friendly on this site (and so that I can get away with what’s coming)]
Fainting Goats [Easily the cutest animals ever. I must own one. (By the way, this one is from Gorilla Mask, so some of you might want to hyperventilate now]
The plan was to hang on to these until I had HyperionX back up and running, but I've decided to jetison most and just post a couple. Obviously Quincy and Harriet can't look at any of these, although strangely, they are all (but one) educational. Anyway, learn at your own risk.
20 ways to say “Eat a Dick” [Reminds me of that scene with Steve Martin in ROXANNE]
Zoo Weekly’s 100 Best Bodies [This one is mostly scantily clad women, although since it’s a British publication there are a few topless (but you have to zoom in to see anything). I present it here mostly becase there are so many awful awful choices. I mean, Heidi Klum doesn’t make the list, but both Paris Hilton and Charlotte Church make it? For their bodies!????]
How Pregnancy Happens [This is from Planned Parenthood, and I’m guessing their theory was that kids would pay more attention if they weren’t pandered too. I can’t decide if this is a good idea or a terrible one. Harriet, you’re conservative but still somehow cool. What do you think?]
That should hold you guys until Halloween day. until then....
When I first read what “Anonymous” wrote I was pretty upset. I wrote my own comment, but couldn’t figure out how to get the poetry just right. That and the fact that a comment shouldn’t consist of saying “go fuck yourself” more than twice.
So I let it go and I thought about it. More specifically, I thought about the Hyperionic Code, which (surprise surprise) I actually wrote myself without any help (unless you count Hammurabi, and I don’t). In that Hyperionic Code, I wrote that it’s not what people get wrong about you so much that burns you up, but what they get right.
So, no matter how many legitimate attacks we could make on “Anonymous’s” character, no matter how many times I could bang his girlfriend, he’s still essentially right.
Not always, but lately there have been a lot more links. If you go back five months you’ll see that the last few weeks more and more have been from the aforementioned gorilla mask.
There’s two reasons for that, or more accurately, two offshoots of the same reason. When I started this site I never intended for people to really go here. The site is the most like a “blog,” and I didn’t want to do a blog. I merely wanted to use the services of the good people at Blogger to put my columns on. But c’est la vie, this site is by far the most popular. (What that says about you people I don’t know, but I’ll move on.)
Anyway, I didn’t intend to do links, but every now and then I ran into something I thought was funny and I’d post it. This proved to be quite popular. Now, the reason I’ve been doing more links lately, and the reason they are in general more from one site is the same: I’m just extremely busy. Besides the column, and the movie reviews, and the top ten lists, and the stories, I’m working on a novel, three screenplays, and trying to get published. (You know, from people that might actually pay me money, as none of you seem to be wont to do, no offense intended.) And, I’m trying to launch three new sites. Something had to give. As it were, it was my least favorite site, this one. Instead of spending my time developing the nearly 100 ideas I have for short posts, I have been leaning on links as a way to have consistent material rather than short humorous observations about whatever.
The very first time I linked something I asked Hyperion Council member Laureate if I should credit it. He said no, for the reason that the site I was linking from got plenty of traffic, and could care less about me, and that sites like Gorilla Mask and others get their links from other sites too. In other words, it’s not like one person is making all this stuff up.
However, a good point is a good point. So, here is what I’m going to do. I’m going to pick the best of the “links” I have stored and post them all right now. After that, this site will no longer have links unless A) someone sends them to me or B) they are related to something I want to talk about. If you want to see links you can go to one of those other sites. That’s the way it is.
Oh, and Anonymous? You are a coward. In the Hyperion Nation, we don’t hide when we have something to say. Make up a name and stick with it. Or go back where you came from. [And I was just kidding about banging your girlfriend. We all know how you spend your nights, and if there’s any pussy involved it’s much more likely to be that two-tongued cat. Let’s be friends for life.]
Friday, October 28, 2005
This one isn't the best, but it does include the classic clip of a guy getting thrown off a bridge for cheating in a bike race. Those are my kind of people.
I saw a better one last week. Let me see if I can find it..........
Here it is. Best part: the video is set to that POD song: "Boom (here come the boys from the South)" Ultimate Ownage
(And, it goes without saying that I'm going to be the red dude for Halloween)
(QS. come to think of it, this is a dumb rating. From now on, I'll only rate if there is something objectionable, okay?)
Next Tuesday STAR WARS EPISODE III is coming out. Imbedded in the DVD is an easter egg.
We've talked about these before. Easter eggs are cool little features "hidden" on DVDs that you can only find by looking around for them.
This is the REVENGE OF THE SITH Easter Egg, and it's the greatest one in history. Enjoy
content: QS (Quincy Safe)
ads: QQ (those aforementioned scantily clad girls, but just ignore them, as you MUST see this, even if not a Star Wars fan (although, honestly, if you're not a Star Wars fan, do you really need to be foulling up my website? Can't you be doing something more productive, like jumping off a cliff?))
Before I throw a few your way, someone has brought up the "ratings" of the links, and what this might have to do with Quincy.
Quincy is a friend and avid Reader, and because he was a pastor (before he became a game show host), I like to say things are "Quincy-safe," as in, if HE can see it, so can you. Of course, I'm not sure if he reads any more, now that he's a Hollywood big shot, but still, that's the rationale.
If I put something is NSFQ (Not Safe For Quincy), that means it might be objectionable, or more importantly (as most of you aren't easily offended), might not be safe for work computers. I try very hard to give a clear accounting of the links, but sometimes I don't notice the ads, which I'm sure some of you have noticed occasionally have scantily clad girls.
Bottom line: you're on your own with taking a look. I assume if you're here you are an adult and can make your own decisions on what you want to see. I am powerfully uninterested in whining. However, I am sympathetic to people stuck at work who just can't go too long without a Hyperion fix, so from now on all links will cary ratings, both for content and (if applicable) ads. QS wll mean Quincy-Safe, meaning anyone can look at this. QQ means Quincy Questionable, usually because of the scantily clad girls in the ads, or whatever. And we already discussed NSFQ.
One other note, while I have you all here. Ajax mentioned to me the other day that only a small number of you are leaving comments. According to my counters, quite a few more are reading. So, to see who's actually out there, I want you (that means you, yes you), to comment on this post. You don't have to say anything profound (Lord knows most of the Commenters are dumber than rocks), but you need to say SOMETHING. If you don't want to pick a name, just post as Anonymous1, Anonymous2, etc. and say you're here, you're queer, get used to you.
I'm averaging 35 unique viewers to this site every day, so I expect 35 comments by tomorrow. If I get it, I'll give you a reward, and TRUST ME, you'll be happy.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
It reminds me of a great story. When bodies are trasnsported via airplane there are a lot of rules to follow, to preserve the dignity of the HRs (Human Remains). You have to face it a certain way, to prevent the perserving liquids from coming out, and you can't stack anything on it, etc.
They don't always actually have a casket; sometimes the body is in a bag, but regardless there is always a white HR box that the body (or casket) is in.
Anyway, one time we found an extra HR box lying around, so we put it up in the plane. We told this new girl that we had to stack around the HR because space was tight, and she knew to be careful and not bump the box (you could damage the casket).
I'm sure you can guess, but we put someone in that box, waiting on her. The girl has been stacking for about ten minutes when one of us (in on the joke) "accidentally" knocks the lid off the box. suddenly the body starts moving and he's yelling, and the girl almost had a heart attack. I think she took off like 5 days from work.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Crying while Eating (safe for work and Quincy, but maybe not for your soul)
First, an article from the BBC about a man who sued for the right to be drunk. Where are the Beasty Boys when you need them?
Next, Google continues it's mission to bring us everything under the sun, by offering Droogle, which tells you how to make any drink in the universe. Some of the names of drinks made me blush. I think I'll bring them up the next time my family is together to see if I can embarrass my sister.
Finally, Modern Drunkard Magazine brings us the 86 rules of boozing. Not being a drinker myself I'm not sure how accurate these are, but since most of you lazy sots are borderline alcoholics, maybe you can chime in.
"To Beer: the cause of and solution to all of life's problems."
-Homer J. Simpson
Though she may have just been tired and didn't want to walk all the way to the end, she started a revolution that still goes on to this day. I salute her for that.
Of course, I don't agree with her. In my experience, the best parts of the trip always happen in the back of the bus, but enough about church camping trips!
Two fist-pumps to the heart and kisses to heaven, Rosa. We'll miss you.
Friday, October 21, 2005
In my opinion, people who get too close to the cages at the zoo get what's coming to them. Don't worry: nobody dies, but check out the helpful guy in the background. I wish I could make inciteful comments like that.
Polar Bears Rule!
[They are uncensored so there is a bit of language when they screw up]
The scariest part--and I'll never forgive myself for saying this--is that the outtakes are actually funny. They reveal a group of men deeply aware of the irony of working on this cutsey show. Does that mean any of these men are cool and shouldn't be shot on sight? Of course not. But it is unsettling how funny the clip is.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
These costumes will get you plenty o' candy
I had to get up at the butt-crack of you don't even want to know how early to help out with family things (which I was happy to do. I'm not beyotching; just saying). Anyway, I'm still a tad off my game, but I hope to recover soon.
But I did see something pretty cool on the road. We were backed up at a light, and the car in front of me had tail lights that were two circles full of dots. It kind of looked like a Christmas stencil or something. It was pretty cool.
As we got up closer, though, we noticed the two circles were intertwined. In fact, it looked like a slightly angled "infinity" sign.
Now, as I'm sure Bear will attest, infinity doesn't actually exist, but that's an argument for another day. What was so cool was, the car was an Infinity something or other. I felt very special to have seen it.
Not special enough that I ever want to wake up that early again, but still...
Oh, and why aren't there any comments on the Pizazz video? Funniest thing EVER and no one has anything to say? What about my female readers? You guys never shut up. Or Ajax. You talk enough to almost be a woman. C'mon guys: get it together.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
One of the great things about LOST is how not only the characters intertwine in creepy ways, and those stupid number CONTINUE to pop up everywhere, but there are so many little tiny things to look for. This is why LOST is the best show on TV right now.
As for me, I have many other posts and top ten lists, but I'm wiped out after ferrying everyone around today for tickets and surgery. I must get some sleep, and then I'll do what I can. Promise.
I posted this months ago, but you really should bookmark it and check it out once every two weeks or so. It will simply blow you away. The deal is that people send their secrets to this guy on postcards that they make/decorate themselves, and he scans them and posts them online.
At first it will seem silly, but some of them will just devastate you. Go there now to Post Secret.
For those of you not in the cult, run out and watch the first season so you can catch up. For those of you who are fans, a couple of sites to fascinate you:
Oceanic Flight 815 has some cool stuff. The best part is the easter egg. Click on the bar code at the bottom and type in 'theislandiswaiting" A page of script comes up. I have no idea if it's authentic, but it's cool nonetheless.
The Hanso Foundation is from that creepy movie Jack and Locke watched. It doesn't really have much content, but just for giggles, add an "s" after the http and then do it again. Isn't that weird? What do you think it means?
And big thanks to those who have subscribed to email notification. you are the wind beneath my wings.
And to reward you, here is a Halloween costume sent in by a girl (you'll know why I mention that when you see the costume). It is a tad racy, but there's no nudity or anything. In otherwords, it's Quincy-safe
Monday, October 17, 2005
Unless you pass out laughing.
Have you ever been in Love?
If you didn't see the post last Thursday, I ran an article proposing what Christian Pornography might look like. Predictably it was met with scornful comments, but I'm guessing those people didn't even bother to read the article, as it was very sincerely written, and quite thought-provoking, I thought. In fact, I may do an entire column on it.
Over on the movie site there are a couple of posts you owe it to yourself to read. This one has three short articles. The third one is the best. You'll crack up.
Even more essential is this post on The Shining. A high school girl made this trailer, and it just goes to show you how lazy Hollywood is these days. Go now. (And while you're there, sign up for Movie-Hype email notification.)
My request to have you all send in your scariest movies was a complete bust, as only one person did so. However, maybe I can find one people will actually do. If you have a link or a picture of a scary or funny Halloween costume, send it in and I'll post it.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
I hate that. Who's with me?
Thursday, October 13, 2005
I bet some of you are already rolling your eyes or thinking this is smut, which may be proof what my buddy Quincy used to preach that the church doesn't talk nearly enough or openly enough about sex.
The proposal very reasonably points out that most people don't know a whole lot about sex (especially Chrsitan husbands and wives who are limited in experience when they get married, as its assumed is true). The writers go on to suggest how pornography might be done in a Christian manner.
It's actually pretty fascniating. (Should be safe for work; it's just text.)
See what you think about CHRISTIAN PORNOGRAPHY
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
See how long it takes you to get to paradise
Anyway, in a recent strip Faye is asking this boy Marten for more time (basically the story of the strip) before she shares her past with him. Marten agrees, pointing out it's either give her time and space or kill her and dump her body in a ditch. (He's joking.)
Faye's response is the funniest thing I've heard all week. She says....actually, I'll let you read it for yourself
Seriously: does anyone think this might work?
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
This might be the scariest post of the day. The thing is, Anne Hathaway is about as sexy as Barney Gumbel in a binkini. In fact, the only person I can think of who's as palpably unsexy is Julie Andrews, who happens to star with Hathaway in that PRINCESS movie. Can somebody tell me why ANYBODY would find these chicks sexy?
The first shows how some bees have learned to vanquish their enemies by cooking them to death.
You know, I've always been fascinated with how bees operate. To this day scientists are unsure exactly how it all works. Could it be that bees are more intelligent than we realize?
Well, they're certainly more vicious, as this clip about hornets shows.
Jeez Louize is this a scary clip.
The camera work is as good as ANYTHING you've ever seen. The stats we hear are simply staggering. The music is creepy....and that guy's voice. You life will change after watching this.
What I want you to do is pull up the lyrics by clicking this underlined link right here and hopefully it opens in a new window or else I wasted three hours trying to learn how to do this
Then, if you click this link here a window should open up that allows you to hear what you're reading. (You'll find the song where it says, "Check it out." Also, in case this in an issue, I believe they say the word "ass" in the song.)
Hopefully you've done this by now and I can enumerate my extreme problems with this track.
#1 It's an incredibly infectuous beat/background. Seriously: if this were a decent song I would trumpted it as best of the year. I am not a fan of The Black Eyed Peas, so when I like something of theirs, that's news.
#2 The song crassly refers to women's body parts as both "humps" and "lumps." Now, I've never been accused of not being crass, but that's a bit much, don't you think?
#3 Most R&B songs reduce women to mere sex objects, and for some reason girls seem okay with this in the clubs. "My Humps" gives girls the power, but sets back feminism 50 years. I mean, guys buy girls things because of their butt and breasts? Okay, maybe that's true, but the way it's spelled out here is nothing to be proud of, ladies.
#4 This may be a minor point, but the song clearly indicates a relationship between white women who happen to have curves, and black men who are so excited by that prospect that they spend all their money on said women. Forget how ugly that premise is for a minute. My main problem: If there is a "black man's cryptonite," it sure as shooting ain't Fergie (the lead singer). Now, if Jessica Alba sang this...maybe, 'cause that girl's got a shelf on her.
Monday, October 10, 2005
I'd actually buy #8
And remind me to talk about #1 tomorrow.
Just kidding. However, I am going to place my bet on the name.
I do have two questions, though. One is why would Iceman be included? And why on Earth would DeMornay not be?
Saturday, October 08, 2005
(This ain't pretty, so don't click unless you really need to know)
Anyway, if you're not squeamish, take this test and try to determine.....
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Why is that important? In our league, we have a rule that the highest scoring team each week can change their team name if they so choose.
That's where you come in.
I have until Sunday morning to come up with a new peramanent name (unless I am high-scorer again).
I need your help, Hyperion Nation.
Don't let me down
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
For now I have two things to say:
One: That new Black Eyed Peas song, "My Hump," is absolutely the last straw. Pop music has reached a nadir, and I'll pummel anyone I hear singing it. Truly the worst thing we've yet gotten.
Two: I'm declaring war on Blackberries. More on that later, after sleep
I've actually had this for several months but held off because it's so jarring and disturbing. I mean, clearly the mom is a loser, but that kid....everyone who opined seem to think he was cool, but I hated the kid. He was a total...well, you know.
Anyway, you can see for yourself. There's nothing on screen that would get you in trouble. (Actually, there's almost nothing in screen), but there is some language, so if that offends you or you're at work, be careful.