Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Dragon's Oscar 2008 Fashion Picks

Every year one of the Monkeys (Dragon) combs through the thousands of Oscar dresses to come up with her ten faves.

2006 Oscar Dresses

2007 Oscar Dresses

Dragon's 10 Favorite Dresses at the 2008 Oscars

Hi Monkeys! I'm back again with my picks of the best Oscar fashions.

11. VIGGO MORTESEN Ok, he's not in a dress but he's on the list because he's the Man.

10. MARION COTILLARD took a risk in this Jean Paul Gaultier intricately detailed mermaid dress. It worked for her.

9. CATE BLANCHETT was a yummy mummy in this deep blue satin Dries Van Noten gown.

8. HELEN MIRREN was regal on the red carpet in her red satin Georges Chakra gown. I loved the way the dress cinched around her waist.

7. RENEE ZELLWEGER shone in this silver shimmering Caroline Herrera gown. She was went with old Hollywood glamour and she stood out in the crowd.

6. ANNE HATHAWAY glowed in her draped red Marchesa gown. I've seen close ups of the flower details and they are exquisite.

5. PENELOPE CRUZ is always glamorous and looked amazing in her Chanel Haute Couture navy feather embroidered gown.

4. HEIDI KLUM was radiant in this red silk taffeta John Galliano gown. The dress will be auctioned off online to benefit the Red Heart Truth charity.

3. JENNIFER GARNER sizzled in this black silk taffeta Oscar de la Renta gown. This dress looked amazing on TV but I had a hard time finding a photo that did it justice. I loved this dress!

2. KATHERINE HEIGL was simply stunning in her red silk georgette Escada gown. She's a goddess.

1. HILARY SWANK showed everyone what it takes to sparkle on the Oscar red carpet. She looked amazing in her intricate black Versace gown.


Hyperion's New Career

Look see! I found a job for Hyperion!

:) LJS


Friday, February 22, 2008

Leaked Clip From ‘Where the Wild Things Are’

Lindsay Lohan IS Marily Monroe

I'm sure you have heard by now that Lindsay Lohan did a photo shoot with all the same poses/costumes as the infamous one from Ms. Marilyn Monroe, about six weeks before the star died. (One hopes that's not an omen.)

The above photo is the only one I can safely post here, as many of the more female Monkeys turn into screaming banshees when even moderately beatiful pulchritude is posted. (I toyed with the idea of claiming it was pop culture and art, but clever reasoning, much like math skills, NEVER impresses girls.)

ANYWAY, feel free to read the article yourself, thinly disguised as New York Magazine's attempt at fashion. When you go to the site (perfectly work safe), you can click on the little "slideshow" button on the picture above, and see all of the pictures. These pictures are decidedly NOT WORK SAFE, so use discretion.

I'm actually shocked how much was revealed. Maybe I'm naive, but New York magazine, in the name of fashion goes much further than Maxim or FHM ever does. (At least in America.) Moreover, these pictures are ostensibly aimed at women!

So, let me ask you, ladies, (since I know you want to see Lindsay, if only to judge her), is this common in a high-fallutin' fashion spread?

As for Miss Lohan herself, she looks fine, if waaaaaaaaaay too skinny. I'm not trying to judge the woman, but if you're going to take off your clothes, you sort of invite that. Also: can one woman have 10,000 freckles? Who knew?

Personally, I found the pictures where the nudity was hiding more alluring than the full-on titty shots. Hiding through sheer diaphanous cloth to be sure, but hiding nonetheless. It's hard to believe she lost that much weight (she's no longer Skeletor, but still very skinny), and yet her breasts are back to whatever robust size that is. (I'm no expert. I can never tell a woman's breast size by looking at her. I can, however, tell her age if she sits on my lap.)

As for comparisons to Marilyn, please. True, the Blonde Bombshell was known more for her looks than her acting, but she actually was a great actor, or at least turned in several great perfoamances. (SOME LIKE IT HOT, SEVEN YEAR ITCH, BUS STOP just to name a few.) My understanding is that Lohan is very appealing in PARENT TRAP and MEAN GIRLS, and it's been all downhill since.

Still, at least the magazine article got us talking. About fashion. I think I'll run out and get me some of them cloth-y things. Never know when they may come in handy.


Most viewed

Somehow THIS is the most viewed video in You Tube history:

I'm not even sure what to say.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

MENSA TV - 10 Smartest TV Shows EVER

Mensa Says: The repartee was sensational; the main characters were very good. Even though they portrayed people who were likely of high intelligence, they also showed their weaknesses.
Yahoo! TV Says: Since Frasier and Niles would have been the poster boys for Mensa, this only makes sense. Well played, Mensa leader guy.

The West Wing
Mensa Says: You had to pay attention to stay up with it. The repartee was fast and furious and you needed a fairly high level intelligence to keep up with it.
Yahoo! TV Says: Yes. Uh-huh. We agree with what he said. Especially about needing to be smart to keep up with it. Which we definitely were.

Boston Legal
Mensa Says: It's primarily because of the characters. The story lines are OK, but the characters are incredible and the writers give them great dialogue.
Yahoo! TV Says: Sure, David E. Kelley consistently delivers quirky, complex, deeply-flawed characters. But "Boston Legal" is so goofy and over the top that we would never rank it in our top 10 smartest list -- if we had been smart enough to come up with one.

Mensa Says: It's about the only game show that really tries to test people's intelligence. There's very little luck involved, and there are few game shows like that. I don't watch it all that much honestly, but from what I've seen it tests more than knowledge, it tests intelligence too.
Yahoo! TV Says: "Jeopardy" seems like it was handcrafted for Mensa by Mensa. Like the smart guy says, there are very few game shows that require book smarts to win the big prize; a couple of our other favorites would be "Cash Cab" and "Win Ben Stein's Money."

Mensa Says: [Carl] Sagan was able to communicate something extremely complicated to the layman and do it well, and that's unusual for a scientist at his level.
Yahoo! TV Says: At first we gave ourselves extra smarty-pants points for having watched Carl Sagan's "Cosmos" as children. But when we learned that over 600 million people worldwide have seen it, we revoked our points and issued each other a layman's gold star.

Mensa Says: Again, it's high level type of show; it's the personality that makes it a winner, plus it deals with science.
Yahoo! TV Says: Does this endorsement mean all the crazy medical mystery stuff that happens on "House" is actually possible?

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Mensa Says: The way they use science to solve their programs is intriguing to viewers.
Yahoo! TV Says: More science. We've identified a trend.

All in the Family
Mensa Says: The show dealt with social issues before its time and was on the forefront of trying to show people's feelings, beliefs and the complexities of personality, in both a serious and comedic way.
Yahoo! TV Says: We find it ironic that a show that featured the most infamously ignorant TV character found its place on Mensa's Top 10 list. We not only agree with this decision, more importantly we hope we used the word "ironic" properly.

Mad About You
Mensa Says: It’s a personal favorite, I loved the characters and the back and forth. It was very smart.
Yahoo! TV Says: This is surprising. "Mad About You" is a very sweet and likable show, but not overly brainy. Maybe we were distracted by Murray the dog. That happens sometimes.

Mensa Says: It had smart repartee and was so much more than a comedy.
Yahoo! TV Says: We 100% agree. M*A*S*H was brilliant in its ability to intertwine deep moral issues with laugh-out-loud comedy.

One Line Bar Joke Challenge

Here is this week's Challenge:


We all love bar jokes, but can you tell them when you only get one line?

In case you're having trouble with the math, they pretty much go like this:

X walks into a bar..... X says "yada yada"


X walks into a bar..... someone else (usually the bartender) says "yada yada"

That's all the room you get in the joke. This means you have to be punchy and to the point. I will start us off with some classics:

A guy walks into a bar ..... and says "Ouch!"

A skeleton walks into a bar...... and says "Gimme a beer and a mop."

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves walk into a bar ..... and the bar tenders says "We don't serve minors in here."

A dog limps into a bar ..... and says "I wanna see the man who shot my paw."

Julia Roberts walks into a bar ..... and the bartender says "Why the long face?" (Also works with Celine Dion or a horse)

A priest, a rabbi and a lawyer walk into a bar ..... and the bartender says "What is this, a joke?"


This Week's Oscar nominated recommendations on TCM

I'm a bit behind with this week's Oscar recommendations on Turner Classic Movies, but here is the rest of the week (full schedule at TCM's home page.)

21 Thursday
4:15 AM From Here To Eternity (1953)
Enlisted men in Hawaii fight for love and honor on the eve of World War II. Cast: Burt Lancaster, Montgomery Clift, Frank Sinatra. Dir: Fred Zinnemann. BW-118 mins, TV-PG, CC

5:00 PM Dirty Dozen, The (1967)
A renegade officer trains a group of misfits for a crucial mission behind enemy lines. Cast: Lee Marvin, John Cassavetes, Charles Bronson. Dir: Robert Aldrich. C-150 mins, TV-PG, CC, Letterbox Format, DVS

7:45 PM Great Escape, The (1963)
Thrown together by the Germans, a group of captive Allied troublemakers plot a daring escape. Cast: James Garner, Steve McQueen, Richard Attenborough. Dir: John Sturges. C-172 mins, TV-PG, CC, Letterbox Format

10:45 PM Thomas Crown Affair, The (1968)
A bored tycoon turns to bank robbery and courts the insurance investigator assigned to bring him in. Cast: Steve McQueen, Faye Dunaway, Paul Burke. Dir: Norman Jewison. C-102 mins, TV-14, CC, Letterbox Format

February 22 (Friday)

8:45 PM Manhattan (1979)
A TV comedy writer falls for his best friend's girl. Cast: Woody Allen, Diane Keaton, Meryl Streep. Dir: Woody Allen. BW-96 mins, TV-MA, CC, Letterbox Format

10:30 PM Love Story (1970)
Students from opposite sides of the tracks fight for their love. Cast: Ali MacGraw, Ryan O'Neal, Ray Milland. Dir: Arthur Hiller. C-100 mins, TV-MA, CC, Letterbox Format

February 23 (Saturday)
6:30 AM Notorious (1946)
A U.S. agent recruits a German expatriate to infiltrate a Nazi spy ring in Brazil. Cast: Cary Grant, Ingrid Bergman, Claude Rains. Dir: Alfred Hitchcock. BW-101 mins, TV-PG, CC

8:15 AM Man Who Knew Too Much, The (1956)
International spies kidnap a doctor's son when he stumbles on their assassination plot. Cast: James Stewart, Doris Day, Brenda De Banzie. Dir: Alfred Hitchcock. C-120 mins, TV-PG, Letterbox Format

10:30 AM North By Northwest (1959)
An advertising man is mistaken for a spy, triggering a deadly cross-country chase. Cast: Cary Grant, Eva Marie Saint, James Mason. Dir: Alfred Hitchcock. C-136 mins, TV-PG, CC, Letterbox Format, DVS

1:00 PM Psycho (1960)
A woman on the run gets mixed up with a repressed young man and his violent mother. Cast: Anthony Perkins, Janet Leigh, Vera Miles. Dir: Alfred Hitchcock. BW-109 mins, TV-PG, CC, Letterbox Format

7:00 PM Ordinary People (1980)
When a young man drowns, his family fights to recover from the trauma. Cast: Mary Tyler Moore, Donald Sutherland, Timothy Hutton. Dir: Robert Redford. C-124 mins, TV-MA, CC, Letterbox Format

9:15 PM Raging Bull (1980)
Hard-hitting biography of middle-weight champ Jake La Motta, whose life was haunted by violence inside and outside the ring. Cast: Robert De Niro, Cathy Moriarty, Joe Pesci. Dir: Martin Scorsese. BW-129 mins, TV-MA, CC, Letterbox Format

February 24 (Sunday)
9:30 PM Contact (1997)
An expert on interplanetary communication receives plans for a mysterious space vessel. Cast: Jodie Foster, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Skeritt. Dir: Robert Zemeckis. C-150 mins, TV-14, CC, Letterbox Format

12:15 AM Bodyguard, The (1992)
A former Secret Service agent signs on as bodyguard to a temperamental pop star. Cast: Kevin Costner, Whitney Houston, Gary Kemp. Dir: Mick Jackson. C-129 mins, TV-MA, CC, Letterbox Format

7:00 AM Key Largo (1948)
A returning veteran tangles with a ruthless gangster during a hurricane. Cast: Humphrey Bogart, Edward G. Robinson, Lauren Bacall. Dir: John Huston. BW-101 mins, TV-G, CC, DVS

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

52 Pick up

My friend sent this to a group of friends yesterday. She included her answers and I've enjoyed finding out things about my friends I've never known. My answers are in the comments. Can't wait to see what I learn about my fellow monkeys.

1. What time did you get up this morning?

2. Diamonds or pearls?

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

4. What is your favorite TV show?

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?

6. What is your middle name?

7. What food do you dislike?

8. What is your favorite CD at the moment?

9. Favorite sandwich?

10. What characteristic do you despise?

11. Favorite item of clothing?

12. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?

13. What color is your bathroom?

14. Favorite brand of clothing?

15. Where would you retire?

16. What was your most memorable birthday?

17. Favorite sport to watch?

18. Favorite saying?

19. Are you a morning person or a night person?

20. What is your shoe size?

21. Pets?

22. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?

23. What did you want to be when you were little?

24. What are you today?

25. What is your favorite candy?

26 What is your favorite flower?

27. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?

28. What are you listening to right now?.

29. What was the last thing you ate?

30. Do you wish on stars?

31. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

32. How is the weather right now?

33. Last person you spoke to on the phone?

34. Favorite soft drink?

35. Favorite restaurant?

36. Hair color?

37. Siblings?

38. Favorite day of the year?

39. What was your favorite toy as a child?

40. Summer or winter?

41. Hugs or kisses?

42. Chocolate or Vanilla?

43. When was the last time you cried?

44. What is under your bed?

45. What did you do last night?

46. Favorite smell?

47. What are you afraid of?

48. Plain, buttered, or salted Popcorn?

49. How many keys on your key ring?

50. Favorite day of the week?

51. How many cities have you lived in?

52. Do you make friends easily?

Monday, February 18, 2008

Twenty things

I was reading an article today about 20 Things I wish I had known when starting out in life. And it got me thinking if these 20 things would be the same or different had the young "me" listened to the older "me".

For example: If old me had told young me that one day not only would I hate TV but I would aspire to run a marathon and love running, young me would have said "yeah, OK. I can barely run a block because my lungs suck (thanks mom and dad for smoking)" then proceeded to watch another episode or ER or X-files.

Is wisdom dependent upon experience? Would you change your life, even though you knew that everything up to that point has brought you to your wizened perch?

I wonder if having experiences and being open to whatever life gives us is wisdom. The Secret or anyone of those "put it out in the universe" philosophies seem (at least to me) hedge on cosmic, random magnanimity rather than personal responsibility and fortitude.

And, for #21: stop eating tortured bovine.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

You better recognize!

Make ABSOLUTELY SURE you check out today's Hyperion Institute post -


that is all


Chocolate Skittles

Long-time readers know I feel about Skittles the way I feel about your wife (I’m up for munching anytime). So, when my sister Jerrica handed me a pack of Chocolate Mix Skittles, I knew for the good of the Barn I needed to investigate. Here is a mini-review.


On the front of the package Skittles us the five flavor ideas they came up with: S’mores, Vanilla, Chocolate Caramel, Chocolate Pudding, and Brownie Batter. (Not for nothing, but in bad lighting the Caramel/Pudding Skittles are hard to tell apart, and even more difficult, the Pudding/Brownie.) Also, I’d like to point out that at least 60% of the package was Brownie. I suppose that could be an anomaly, but I have never seen a Skittles package with such a discrepancy, so I have to believe that’s on purpose. I tried them all individually, several times, and then tried the more usual gluttonous mouthful.


S’mores – not bad, although I’d never in a million years guess I was tasting graham cracker and marshmallow.

Vanilla – Fairly bland, and only emits its vanilla essence in the aftertaste.

Chocolate Caramel – Completely generic chocolate. Not a nanogram of caramel taste.

Chocolate Pudding – Arguably the best of the bunch. The pudding affect only shows up in the aftertaste, but a good solid chocolate feel.

Brownie Batter – By far the strongest taste (which may be why they made it most of the bag). Even now, two hours later, I can still taste the Brownie the strongest. The first two bites were great, but after that diminishing returns. (But to be fair: that’s pretty much how I feel about brownies, so that could be me.)


Most people eat Skittles in small handfuls, so the true test of any new flavor “theme” is how well they work together. I found the end result to be generally inoffensive and bland, with a sugary an slight cocoa mix. Kind of like if you scarfed some of that Bridgeford mix you saw on a tray at a Christmas buffet. Afte ra few pieces they all taste pretty similar, n’est pas? And maybe it’s just because I’m thirsty now, but I don’t remember previous Skittles being this salty. In fact, I react this way generally to chocolate flavoring—especially cheap chocolate flavoring.


Skittles has come out with several new flavor combos lately. Some work very well. Others not too much. I think the Fruit and Crème and Wildberry have been homeruns, the Sour is perhaps the best “sour” on the market, and the Tropical is solid, while the Circus Skittles were more novel than giant winners. Ultimately I did enjoy the experience of the Chocolate Mix Skittles, and I might try one or two again if a friend had them, but I don’t think I would buy them on my own. I guess you could say that, much like a bathhouse in San Francisco, it wasn’t my kind of rainbow.

Things You Can Learn From Your Dog

In case you don't have a Valentine today, you can always love your dog. (I know some of you are into that.) Speaking of which, here are things you can learn from a dog:

Things You Can Learn From Your Dog

- When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

- Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

- Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

- When it's in your best interest -- practice obedience.

- Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

- Take naps and stretch before rising.

- Run, romp, and play daily.

- Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

- Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do.

- On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

- On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.

- When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

- No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout... run right back and make friends.

- Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

- Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

- Be loyal.

- Never pretend to be something you're not.

- If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

- When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

-from Arcamax

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Wine Library

I found out about this dude yesterday.

Disclaimer: I am not into wine AT ALL, and do not advocate or recommend it to people. However, many of you drink wine, or at least know of wine. And even if you're like me, this guy is freaking hilarious!

His name is Gary Vaynerchuk (or as he pronounces it "VAY - NER - CHUCK!!!!!!!111), and he reviews wine in each "webisode." I started watching and just cracking up, thinking "I'll tell me readers just to watch the first minute....I'll tell my readers just to watch the first three minutes....)

If you at all can, hang through at least 6 minutes, when he starts comparing vegetables to the Justice League, but really: the whole thing is a scream. What's even funnier is that he continually gets distracted by people off camera who apparently are coming by to say hi or something.

Anyway, trust me: you HAVE to watch a few minutes of this guy.

And if you like him, check out his website: The Wine Library

I definently SMILE like this - Rock on Lily Allen!!!!!

Candy Heartz Part 2 (P.O.D.)

More of the Candy Hearts Monkey Barners made for the Barn:

LJS originally submitted far more pirate-like hearts, full of raping and pillaging, but I made her tone it down, as this is a family site. I think the first one reflects her anger over my orders.

I never heard back whether the first heart was an anti-republican stance or a pro-hetero one. The yellow towel is for her beloved Steelers.

I asked Lost Goddess whether her Freak Show heart referred to one of her websites or was a subtle socio-political commentary on contemporary international diplomacy. She rolled her eyes at me and said dryly" I think there's a third option you're not considering."

You'll have to ask Sea Hag some day about her Gnome. He gets more action than Bill Clinton on a three-day pass. By the way, SH has that first phrase as an actual tattoo. (I'm not going to say where.)

Try it yourself! - Candy Heart Generator

How many?

How many faces did you see? :) LJS

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Rejected Paintings

As I was preparing today's Valentine-themed column, I needed some sexy YET TASTEFUL paintings. I finally found several that worked for me, but there were others I couldn't quite talk that small voice on my shoulder into. The very fact I can only post the links here is probably proof it was a good idea.

However, I wanted you, the Barking Monkeys, to take a look. My question (and there is one): which is your favorite? Be warned: these are JUST PAINTINGS, and they are definitely art, not porn, but let's just say things get a bit nipply around here.

EDIT: Screw it. I'm uploading them. If you don't like them, blow past. They are art, people!

Rejected Painting #1 - Old School Goth Girl

Rejected Painting #2 - Garden Triangle

Rejected Painting #3 - Stripes

Rejected Painting #4 - Fortune Cookie

Which is your favorite?

Monday, February 11, 2008

Candy Heartz (P.O.D.)

Shamelessly stolen from that Cheeky Conniving Anarchist Rennratt:

Over at "the Ratthole," (which, if you ask me, she should totally rename her site that, at least the title if not the URL), Rennratt had a candy-heart generator. I asked my Barking Monkeys to each come up with some "personal hearts" that reflected their personalities. Here are some of them:


Typical Kaply. She wanted to point out that the die slowly is specifically for me. She more or less is indifferent to your demise.

The RDA stands for MacGuyver, not the Recommended Daily Allowance. That Schrodinger is always bragging about her BF. Sheesh.

Koz apologized for misspelling whipped but said it wasn't his fault; he didn't have enough letters.


I think the last one refers to Dragon's Kitchen, her cooking-oriented website, but one never knows....

Tomorrow: Sea Hag, Dominique, Lost Goddess and Lady Jane Scarlett

31 Days of Oscar (Week 2)

Time for another week of Turner Classic Movie's "31 Days of Oscar."

This time, rather than post the entire week (which you can find for yourself by clicking on their home page and selecting "Month Schedule," (two spaced below the world TURNER at the top), I am just including the movies I recommend. I haven't seen many of these movies, so please check out the schedule and schedule some time to watch some of these with your spouse or kids. It'd be the best education you can give them, and at this point more essential than Idol. [My comments are in brackets]

Monday, February 11 (all times Eastern)

3:30 PM Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
An idealistic Senate replacement takes on political corruption. Cast: James Stewart, Jean Arthur, Claude Rains. Dir: Frank Capra. BW-130 mins, TV-G, CC [ONE OF THE MOST HEART-WARMING MOVIES EVER MADE]

8:00 PM It Happened One Night (1934)
A newspaperman tracks a runaway heiress on a madcap cross-country tour. Cast: Claudette Colbert, Clark Gable, Walter Connolly. Dir: Frank Capra. BW-105 mins, TV-PG, CC [THE FIRST MOVIE TO WIN THE TOP FIVE OSCARS. PROBABLY THE BEST COMEDY EVER MADE]

Wednesday February 13

8:00 PM Quiet Man, The (1952)
An Irish ex-boxer retires to Ireland and searches for the proper wife. Cast: John Wayne, Maureen O'Hara, Barry Fitzgerald. Dir: John Ford. C-129 mins, TV-PG, CC [EVEN IF YOU DON'T WATCH THE MOVIE, YOU HAVE TO TUNE IN TO THE FIGHT, ABOUT 90 MINUTES IN]

Friday February 15

2:15 PM Pink Panther, The (1964)
In the first Inspector Clouseau film, the bumbling French police detective tries to stop a notorious jewel thief from nabbing a princess' diamond. Cast: Peter Sellers, David Niven, Robert Wagner. Dir: Blake Edwards. C-115 mins, TV-PG, CC, Letterbox Format [THE MOST UNDERRATED COMIC PERFORMER OF THE CENTURY. MAKES WILL FERRELL LOOK LIKE AN EPILEPTIC SQUIRREL]

2:15 AM Nashville (1975)
Country music stars get caught up in tangled affairs and an independent's political campaign. Cast: Henry Gibson, Lily Tomlin, Ronee Blakley. Dir: Robert Altman. C-158 mins, TV-MA, CC, Letterbox Format [THE BEST AMERICAN MOVIE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN. PLAY YOUR FREAKING DAY AROUND STAYING UP LATE TO WATCH THIS, OR AT LEAST FOR AVITABLE'S SAKE TAPE IT!]

Sunday, February 17

8:00 PM River Runs Through It, A (1992)
A preacher's sons, one serious, one wild, look out for each other while growing up in rural Montana. Cast: Brad Pitt, Craig Sheffer, Tom Skerritt. Dir: Robert Redford. C-124 mins, TV-14, Letterbox Format [I'M ALWAYS SURPRISED WHICH ONE TURNS OUT TO BE REDFORD]

10:15 PM Amistad (1997)
Africans on a slave ship headed to the U.S. mutiny against their captors. Cast: Morgan Freeman, Djimon Honsou, Anthony Hopkins. Dir: Steven Spielberg. C-155 mins, TV-MA, CC, Letterbox Format [ONE OF THE TOP FIVE ACTING PERFORMANCES OF THE DECADE (HONSOU), AND HE DIDN'T EVEN GET NOMINATED]

1:00 AM L.A. Confidential (1997)
Detectives clash while investigating political corruption. Cast: Russell Crowe, Kim Basinger, Kevin Spacey. Dir: Curtis Hanson. C-138 mins, TV-MA, CC, Letterbox Format [SO IMPRESSED WAS I WITH THIS, I SAT IN THE THEATRE FOR 20 MINUTES AFTER THE CREDITS ROLLED, UNABLE TO MOVE, JUST SAYING "DAMN!"]

3:30 AM Jerry Maguire (1996)
A sports manager strikes out on his own after he loses his job. Cast: Tom Cruise, Renee Zellweger, Cuba Gooding, Jr. Dir: Cameron Crowe. C-139 mins, TV-MA, CC, Letterbox Format [SO WHAT IF YOU HAVE TO WORK IN 4 HOURS? LET'S PUSH THROUGH 'TIL DAWN, BABY!]

Friday, February 08, 2008

A Time to Screw

Poll Question of the Week (and if you come to this site ever, you HAVE to leave a comment answering, or your genatalia will fall off).

Le'ts say you HAD to sleep with someone not your spouse/mate/GF/BF/whatever.

Further, let's say that

A) No one will ever find out.

B) Both you and the person will forget after one week

C) It has to be a famous person, not someone you'll run into at lunch. (I'm onto you, Wordnerd.)

Actually, let's ramp it up. You have to sleep with 4 people!

1) - One living person of the opposite sex

2) - One living person of the same sex

3) - One dead person (for the purposes of sex they will come back to life, unless you like it like that, you perv)

4) - One fictional person.

I will give points for the best answer.

I reserve the right to change my mind, but for right now I have:

#1) (opposite sex) Cate Blanchett - find me someone better at what she does than she, and I might consider switching.

#2) (same sex) Thomas Sowell - Possibly the smartest Social Economist in the world: I would hope his tender kisses resulted in increased knowledge for me.

#3) (dead) Joan of Arc - She was deadly fierce, led by God, could ride all day long, and I'm pretty sure was under-age.

#4) (fictional) Aphrodite - She's the embodiment of all Love and Desire. How can you not hit that?


Wednesday, February 06, 2008

31 Days of Oscar

I meant to bring this to you earlier, but better late than never:

Turner Classic Movies is running their annual
"31 Days of Oscar." The entire Month they are running nothing but Oscar winners, and if you care about movies, you should check out as many as you can. This year they even have theme nights, by genre and decade. Each week while they are running it, I will post the schedule, as well as any Hyperion particularly recommends. My recommendations will be in Purple and larger. (All times Eastern: adjust according to your time zone, and Canada has slightly different offerings, so check out TCM Canada for that.) Go here

Weekly Schedule

for interactive menu of what they are offering this month.
10:15 AM When Ladies Meet (1933)
A female novelist doesn't realize her new friend is the wife whose husband she's trying to steal. Cast: Ann Harding, Robert Montgomery, Myrna Loy. Dir: Harry Beaumont. BW-85 mins, TV-G, CC
11:45 AM Teacher's Pet (1958)
A tough city editor assumes a fake identity to study journalism with a lady professor who's criticized his work. Cast: Clark Gable, Doris Day, Gig Young. Dir: George Seaton. BW-120 mins, TV-G, CC, Letterbox Format
1:47 PM Short Film: Little Johnny Jet (1953)
C-7 mins,
2:00 PM Libeled Lady (1936)
When an heiress sues a newspaper, the editor hires a reporter to compromise her. Cast: Jean Harlow, Myrna Loy, Spencer Tracy. Dir: Jack Conway. BW-98 mins, TV-G, CC, DVS
3:45 PM Citizen Kane (1941)
The investigation of a publishing tycoon's dying words reveals conflicting stories about his scandalous life. Cast: Orson Welles, Joseph Cotten, Agnes Moorehead. Dir: Orson Welles. BW-120 mins, TV-PG, CC, DVS
5:45 PM Foreign Correspondent (1940)
An American reporter covering the war in Europe gets mixed up in the assassination of a Dutch diplomat. Cast: Joel McCrea, Laraine Day, George Sanders. Dir: Alfred Hitchcock. BW-120 mins, TV-PG
7:47 PM Short Film: Army Champions (1941)
BW-11 mins,
8:00 PM Vertigo (1958)
A detective falls for the mysterious woman he's been hired to tail. Cast: James Stewart, Kim Novak, Barbara Bel Geddes. Dir: Alfred Hitchcock. C-130 mins, TV-PG, CC, Letterbox Format
10:15 PM Rear Window (1954)
A photographer with a broken leg uncovers a murder while spying on the neighbors in a nearby apartment building. Cast: James Stewart, Grace Kelly, Raymond Burr. Dir: Alfred Hitchcock. C-114 mins, TV-PG, CC, Letterbox Format
12:15 AM Country Girl, The (1954)
While trying to help her husband make a comeback, an alcoholic singer's wife fights her love for another man. Cast: Bing Crosby, Grace Kelly, William Holden. Dir: George Seaton. BW-104 mins, TV-PG, CC
2:15 AM Bullfighter and the Lady (1951)
An American takes up bullfighting to impress the ladies but learns to respect the sport. Cast: Robert Stack, Joy Page, Gilbert Roland. Dir: Budd Boettcher. BW-125 mins, TV-G
4:30 AM Wild Is The Wind (1957)
A woman marries her late sister's husband but finds true love with his son from an earlier marriage. Cast: Anna Magnani, Anthony Quinn, Anthony Franciosa. Dir: George Cukor. BW-110 mins, TV-PG, CC

7 Thursday
6:30 AM Brothers Karamazov, The (1958)
In this adaptation of the Dostoevsky classic, four brothers fight to adjust to the death of their domineering father. Cast: Yul Brynner, Maria Schell, William Shatner. Dir: Richard Brooks. C-146 mins, TV-PG, CC
9:00 AM Three Musketeers, The (1948)
Athletic adaptation of Alexandre Dumas' classic adventure about the king's musketeers and their mission to protect France. Cast: Lana Turner, Gene Kelly, June Allyson. Dir: George Sidney. C-126 mins, TV-G, CC, DVS
11:15 AM Tale Of Two Cities, A (1935)
Charles Dickens' classic story of two men in love with the same woman during the French Revolution. Cast: Ronald Colman, Basil Rathbone, Edna May Oliver. Dir: Jack Conway. BW-126 mins, TV-PG, CC, DVS
1:30 PM Adventures of Tom Sawyer, The (1938)
An orphan in 1850 Missouri gets into a variety of scrapes, including a murder mystery. Cast: Tommy Kelly, Jackie Moran, Victor Jory. Dir: Norman Taurog. C-91 mins, TV-G, CC
3:02 PM Short Film: Night At The Movies, A (1937)
BW-10 mins,
3:15 PM Farewell To Arms, A (1932)
An American serving in World War I falls for a spirited nurse. Cast: Gary Cooper, Helen Hayes, Adolphe Menjou. Dir: Frank Borzage. BW-89 mins, TV-G
4:45 PM Hawaii (1966)
Missionaries to the Hawaiian Islands fight nature, disease and their own passions. Cast: Max von Sydow, Julie Andrews, Richard Harris. Dir: George Roy Hill. C-161 mins, TV-14, Letterbox Format
7:28 PM Short Film: Battle Of Gettysburg, The (1956)
C-30 mins, , Letterbox Format
8:00 PM 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Classic sci-fi epic about a mysterious monolith that seems to play a key role in human evolution. Cast: Keir Dullea, William Sylvester, Gary Lockwood. Dir: Stanley Kubrick. C-149 mins, TV-G, CC, Letterbox Format, DVS
10:45 PM Lolita (1962)
Vladimir Nabokov's racy classic focuses on an aging intellectual in love with a teenager. Cast: James Mason, Shelley Winters, Peter Sellers. Dir: Stanley Kubrick. BW-154 mins, TV-14, CC, Letterbox Format, DVS
1:30 AM Easy Rider (1969)
A cross-country trip to sell drugs puts two hippie bikers on a collision course with small-town prejudices. Cast: Peter Fonda, Dennis Hopper, Jack Nicholson. Dir: Dennis Hopper. C-96 mins, TV-MA, Letterbox Format
3:15 AM Reivers, The (1969)
A young man comes of age when he stows away in his grandfather's stolen car. Cast: Steve McQueen, Rupert Crosse, Mitch Vogel. Dir: Mark Rydell. C-111 mins, TV-14, CC, Letterbox Format
5:15 AM Whisperers, The (1967)
An elderly woman tries to cope with her predatory son and husband. Cast: Edith Evans, Eric Portman, Avis Bunnage. Dir: Bryan Forbes. BW-106 mins, TV-G, Letterbox Format

8 Friday
6:18 AM Short Film: Strauss Fantasy (1954)
C-10 mins, , Letterbox Format
7:15 AM Sin Of Madelon Claudet, The (1931)
A woman takes to the streets to provide for her illegitimate son. Cast: Helen Hayes, Robert Young, Neil Hamilton. Dir: Edgar Selwyn. BW-75 mins, TV-G, CC
8:30 AM Champ, The (1931)
A broken-down prizefighter battles to keep custody of his son. Cast: Wallace Beery, Jackie Cooper, Irene Rich. Dir: King Vidor. BW-86 mins, TV-G, CC
10:00 AM Great Lie, The (1941)
Believing her husband to be dead, a flyer's wife bargains with his former love to adopt the woman's baby. Cast: Bette Davis, Mary Astor, George Brent. Dir: Edmund Goulding. BW-108 mins, TV-PG, CC
11:49 AM Short Film: Kings Of The Turf (1941)
C-0 mins,
12:00 PM Mildred Pierce (1945)
A woman turns herself into a business tycoon to win her selfish daughter a place in society. Cast: Joan Crawford, Ann Blyth, Jack Carson. Dir: Michael Curtiz. BW-111 mins, TV-PG, CC, DVS
2:00 PM Grand Hotel (1932)
Guests at a posh Berlin hotel struggle through scandal and heartache. Cast: Greta Garbo, John Barrymore, Joan Crawford. Dir: Edmund Goulding. BW-113 mins, TV-PG, CC, DVS
4:00 PM Camille (1936)
In this classic 19th-century romance, a kept woman runs off with a young admirer in search of love and happiness. Cast: Greta Garbo, Robert Taylor, Lionel Barrymore. Dir: George Cukor. BW-109 mins, TV-PG, CC, DVS
6:00 PM Kitty Foyle (1940)
A girl from the wrong side of the tracks endures scandal and heartbreak when she falls for a high-society boy. Cast: Ginger Rogers, Dennis Morgan, Gladys Cooper. Dir: Sam Wood. BW-108 mins, TV-G
7:49 PM Short Film: Pigs In A Polka (1943)
C-8 mins,
8:00 PM Bound For Glory (1976)
True story of folk singer Woody Guthrie, who rose to the top while fighting for the rights of migrant farm workers. Cast: David Carradine, Ronny Cox, Melinda Dillon. Dir: Hal Ashby. C-148 mins, TV-14, Letterbox Format
10:30 PM Voyage Of The Damned (1976)
A luxury liner carries Jewish refugees from Hitler's Germany in a desperate fight for survival. Cast: Faye Dunaway, Oskar Werner, Lee Grant. Dir: Stuart Rosenberg. C-151 mins, TV-14
1:15 AM Apocalypse Now (1979)
An Army captain travels to Cambodia during the Vietnam War to terminate a renegade officer. Cast: Martin Sheen, Marlon Brando, Robert Duvall. Dir: Francis Coppola. C-153 mins, TV-MA, CC, Letterbox Format
4:00 AM Midnight Express (1978)
A young man arrested for drug smuggling fights to survive the horrors of a Turkish prison. Cast: Brad Davis, Bo Hopkins, John Hurt. Dir: Alan Parker. C-121 mins, TV-MA, Letterbox Format

9 Saturday
6:15 AM 7 Faces of Dr. Lao (1964)
A Chinese showman uses his magical powers to save a Western town from itself. Cast: Tony Randall, Barbara Eden, Arthur O'Connell. Dir: George Pal. C-100 mins, TV-PG, CC, Letterbox Format
8:00 AM Bishop's Wife, The (1947)
An angel helps set an ambitious bishop on the right track. Cast: Cary Grant, Loretta Young, David Niven. Dir: Henry Koster. BW-109 mins, TV-G, CC
10:00 AM Topper (1937)
A fun-loving couple returns from the dead to help a henpecked husband. Cast: Cary Grant, Constance Bennett, Roland Young. Dir: Norman Z. McLeod. BW-98 mins, TV-G, CC
11:39 AM Short Film: Tit For Tat (1935)
A Laurel and Hardy sequel to Them Thar Hills - they open an electrical repair shop and discover that their neighbor/grocer are the same couple they had a run in with in Them Thar Hills. Cast: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Mae Busch. Dir: Charles Rogers. BW-19 mins,
12:00 PM Thousand and One Nights, A (1945)
Aladdin tries to make his fortune with the help of a beautiful genie. Cast: Cornel Wilde, Evelyn Keyes, Phil Silvers. Dir: Alfred E. Green. C-94 mins, TV-G
1:45 PM Hook (1991)
A grown up Peter Pan has to fight off the return of Captain Hook. Cast: Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts. Dir: Steven Spielberg. C-142 mins, TV-PG, CC, Letterbox Format
4:15 PM Absent Minded Professor, The (1961)
A college professor fights off corrupt businessmen to market his new anti-gravity invention. Cast: Fred MacMurray, Nancy Olson, Keenan Wynn. Dir: Robert Stevenson. BW-96 mins, TV-G, CC, Letterbox Format
6:00 PM Bedknobs And Broomsticks (1971)
An apprentice witch and three war orphans try to prevent the Nazi invasion of England. Cast: Angela Lansbury, David Tomlinson, Roddy McDowall. Dir: Robert Stevenson. C-117 mins, TV-G, CC, Letterbox Format
8:00 PM Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
A tough detective tries to clear a cartoon character charged with murder. Cast: Bob Hoskins, Joanna Cassidy, Charles Fleischer. Dir: Robert Zemeckis. C-104 mins, TV-PG, CC, Letterbox Format
10:00 PM WarGames (1983)
In search of the ultimate game, a young man accidentally hacks into the government's top military computer. Cast: Matthew Broderick, Ally Sheedy, Dabney Coleman. Dir: John Badham. C-113 mins, TV-MA, CC, Letterbox Format
12:00 AM Stand by Me (1986)
Four friends share a rite of passage on a long walk to view a dead body. Cast: Wil Wheaton, River Phoenix, Corey Feldman. Dir: Rob Reiner. C-89 mins, TV-MA, Letterbox Format
1:45 AM Dead Poets Society (1989)
An English teacher inspires his students to seize the day with sometimes disastrous results. Cast: Robin Williams, Robert Sean Leonard, Ethan Hawke. Dir: Peter Weir. C-129 mins, TV-MA, CC, Letterbox Format
4:00 AM Au Revoir, Les Enfants (1987)
A French boarding school harbors Jewish children during the Nazi occupation. Cast: Gaspard Manesse, Raphael Fejto, Francine Racette. Dir: Louis Malle. C-105 mins, TV-14, Letterbox Format

10 Sunday
6:00 AM Lady Of Burlesque (1943)
A star dancer and comedian team to investigate murders. Cast: Barbara Stanwyck, Michael O'Shea, J. Edward Bromberg. Dir: William A. Wellman. BW-90 mins, TV-PG
7:37 AM Short Film: Rhapsody In Rivets (1941)
C-8 mins,
7:45 AM Ladies in Retirement (1941)
A housekeeper tries to manage her actress employer and her own emotionally disturbed sisters. Cast: Ida Lupino, Louis Hayward, Evelyn Keyes. Dir: Charles Vidor. BW-92 mins, TV-PG
9:30 AM Gaslight (1944)
A newlywed fears she's going mad when strange things start happening at the family mansion. Cast: Charles Boyer, Ingrid Bergman, Angela Lansbury. Dir: George Cukor. BW-114 mins, TV-PG, CC, DVS
11:30 AM Spellbound (1945)
A psychiatrist tries to help the man she loves solve a murder buried in his subconscious. Cast: Ingrid Bergman, Gregory Peck, Michael Chekhov. Dir: Alfred Hitchcock. BW-118 mins, TV-PG, CC
1:30 PM Maltese Falcon, The (1941)
Hard-boiled detective Sam Spade gets caught up in the murderous search for a priceless statue. Cast: Humphrey Bogart, Mary Astor, Sydney Greenstreet. Dir: John Huston. BW-101 mins, TV-PG, CC, DVS
3:15 PM Murder On The Orient Express (1974)
Belgian detective Hercule Poirot investigates the murder of a mysterious businessman during a luxurious train ride. Cast: Albert Finney, Sean Connery, Ingrid Bergman. Dir: Sidney Lumet. C-128 mins, TV-14, CC, Letterbox Format
5:30 PM Sleuth (1972)
A mystery novelist plots revenge on his wife's lover. Cast: Laurence Olivier, Michael Caine, John Matthews. Dir: Joseph L. Mankiewicz. C-138 mins, TV-14, CC, Letterbox Format
8:00 PM Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
The king of Halloween Town sets out to take Santa Claus' place. Cast: Chris Sarandon, Catherine O'Hara, William Hickey. Dir: Tim Burton. C-76 mins, TV-PG, CC, Letterbox Format
9:20 PM Short Film: Night Before Christmas, The (1941)
C-9 mins,
9:30 PM Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (2003)
The Fellowship of the Ring fights its last desperate battle to save Middle Earth from the forces of evil. Cast: Elijah Wood, Viggo Mortensen, Ian McKellan. Dir: Peter Jackson. C-201 mins, TV-PG, CC, Letterbox Format
1:00 AM Silence Of The Lambs, The (1991)
A fledgling FBI agent enlists a psychopath's help in catching a serial killer. Cast: Jodie Foster, Anthony Hopkins, Scott Glenn. Dir: Jonathan Demme. C-118 mins, TV-MA, CC, Letterbox Format
3:15 AM Se7en (1995)
A retiring police detective and his new partner investigate a serial killer whose crimes mirror the seven deadly sins. Cast: Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, Kevin Spacey/ Dir: David Fincher. C-127 mins, TV-MA, CC, Letterbox Format