Sunday, June 27, 2010


I'm sure it's not real, but MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE, the movie?  Sweet!


Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Green Hornet Trailer

I've never been a fan of Seth Rogen, so part of me is 'spicious....but I'm willing to keep an open mind:

Monday, June 21, 2010

P.O.D. - Ummmmmmm

F-My-Life - Longest Day Edition

Bringing back an Oldie but a Goody.....

From the hilarious website (where people post about their misfortunes), I have collected some of my favorites, along with my even funnier responses. Enjoy

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend down the street and a really hot guy walked past with no shirt on. While distracted by his hardened stomach muscles, I promptly walked into a pole, then became single. FML [She picked the wrong pole to walk into!]

Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML [Knowing this Fucked-up Country, he probably sued.]

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML [People, I'm going to tell you what I tell all prospective newly-weds who seek my counsel. You need: 3 bank accounts (His, Hers and Y'alls), 2 Bathrooms, 1 Bed and 0 Kids. But whatever you do, get separate bathrooms. You'll thank me later. ]

Today, while lying in bed with my wife, I asked her if she still loved me. Her reply "Sometimes". This I know is true because she instantly rolled over and farted on my leg. FML [I think I'm in love]

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. Trying to be romantic, I told him that I loved him and I was so glad I was with him. He responded by giving me a thumbs-up and turning back to the TV. FML [Should have waited for a commercial]

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML [Have you ever met someone who says "Frisky"?  Me, neither.]

Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tommorow. FML [I love how she only realizes she's "wrong" because of the incorrect date, as if keying the car otherwise was justified. As if he couldn't have had a family emergency, be in the hospital, made the same good-faith error of thinking it was the wrong day or maybe just REALIZING YOU'RE A FUCKING PSYCHO WHO WOULD KEY A CAR OVER BEING STOOD UP WITHOUT EVEN BOTHERING TO FIND OUT ANY DETAILS.]

Today, I was on AIM talking to a really cute guy, whom I've had a crush on for forever, when he asked me to video chat. I got so excited and immediately pressed accept, without thinking. Not until he started screaming and cursing did I realize that I was still using my laptop on the toilet. FML [Women go to the bathroom?]

Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML [Who pretends to make-out with a friend's dog?  This wouldn't top the Comedy scale in Iowa, honest-to-God Iowa!  Maybe he misunderstood what Penthouse Letters meant by Doggy-style.]

Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML [Tar Heel Women: not exactly making Ken Jennings look over his shoulder, ya know?]

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML [ try to be supportive and accepting, but it's never enough, is it?]

Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML [In general I hate conflict, but here I think I would have to make an exception. Tell me that's not a Family Reunion worth attending!]

Today, my entire extended family was over for Christmas. I opened a gift to see that it was a fruitcake and saw everyone looking at me, smiling. This is their way to tell me that they know I'm gay and that they accept me. I'm straight. FML [I don't know what's worse: having your Family think you're gay, or getting fruitcake for Christmas.]

Today, my ex got dumped by his girlfriend. Seeing my opportunity I sent him a song I wrote for him about how much I still love him. He sent it on to the girl who had just dumped him claiming he had written it. They are back together. FML  [This is why I only write bitter songs. (That and the fact that I'm always bitter....)]

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML  [Are you thinking what I'm thinking?  Of course you are: WHAT KIND OF SANDWICH???]

Today, I was working as a counselor at a fat camp. The kids bet me I couldn't do a sit-up while blindfolded. Never one to turn down a bet from minors, I set out to prove them wrong. When I sat up, my nose went right into a fat kid's buttcrack. FML  [If you're going to spend your Summer as a Counselor at a Fat Camp AND be and idiot, you pretty much deserve whatever Karma has in store for you]

Today, as I was taking a shit in the men's bathroom at a local bar. A man rushes in the bathroom to puke. All the stalls were taken. He kicks in my door and tells me to get out. I say "No, I'm taking a shit". Without warning he pukes all over me, punches me in the face and runs away. FML [With the puking I just felt sorry for the guy - but you have to admit the Punch in the Face raises it to pure Art. Gotta admire that, if only for the Pure Genius Evil]

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML [Hey, it could be worse. If she REALLY wanted him to be like Edward she'd have cut off his dick....]

Today, a man stopped me to tell me I was the most beautiful woman he'd seen all day. He promptly followed that up with: "Then again, you are the only woman I've seen today, so, it can only go up from here." FML  [Again, how can you be mad at pure Genius like that?  I've read this 50 times and it ALWAYS makes me chuckle. I'm way too nice a person to pull this off, but damn if it wouldn't be fun to try.]

Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML [My love for you is on Fire!]

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML [Those pussy pics will get you every time....]

Monday Comics

This explains my system perfectly.

Chicks; you just can't make 'em happy

I'm going to use this....

Aren't we ignoring the strong possibility that JPS WAS a Ninja?

See what can happen?

This would be my reaction too....damn Unicorns!

I'm going to start doing this.


Is this true? Do women really not think they look good in green? Come to think of it, you don't see a lot of green in fashion. Hmmmm....

I bet chicks would really go for this. They already love to gamble. (See: bad relationships; Fashion Choices)

One of the more wise things a cat has ever said.

I am utterly convinced many people who know me do this on a regular basis.

That's why Tennis has "love"

This was me, as a kid


I hate drinking but even I gotta admit- that's funny!

"Cons - everything else" has just become one of my new personal mottos.

I DARE you to do this next time one of these yayhoos comes to your door.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Lady Gaga - Telephone

Glory jee to bezus - this is the first Lada Gaga video I've ever seen and...whoa. It was recommended to my by a friend of mine, who may or may not need serious psychiatric help. I'm either going to have to write a 3000 word column on Lady G. or else never think about her again as long as I live.  

Monday, June 07, 2010

Weekly Comic Roundup

This must be how a Schizophrenic feels

As I find myself saying almost once a week with Andy Capp, this will be my new motto.

Ladies, raise your hand if this is you. Be honest!

I saw my mom pull off this move a couple of times as a kid.

You could get me to check out any potential noise by selling me on the idea that not only was there a burglar, but he quite possibly was eating my pie AT THAT VERY MOMENT!!!

I like this. Women have to keep guys on their toes, so they don't get too complacent. Jealousy is an ugly thing, but every woman wants her man to be just a little bit jealous. (At least according to my buddy Satchamo.)

You KNOW guys have already tried this.

Sigh. If only....

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Kia Soul - "Hamsterdam" - I WANT ONE

I now know my purpose in Life. It is to own this car. (I'm thinking metallic blue or purple.)

I want to rob banks and make cool getaways in this car. I want to be the Hamster Bonnie and Clyde.

If you have this car in a cool color and a larcenous/murderous heart, I am for sale.

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

P.O.D. - The things we do for Bacon

Searching for a Hippo picture for my Bacon Top Ten list I ran across this. Is it the Awesomest picture in the Universe? I'm inclined to vote yes.