Thursday, May 31, 2007

I know where I'm going on vacation in 2009!!!

LONDON, England (Reuters) -- J.K. Rowling, who became the world's first billion-dollar author on the back of Harry Potter's success, has given the go-ahead for the creation of a Florida theme park dedicated to the schoolboy wizard.

"The plans I have seen look incredibly exciting and I don't think fans of the books or films will be disappointed," Rowling said of the Orlando park that is scheduled to open in 2009.

Read further on it at too -

Here's what we learned from Potter set designer Stuart Craig and a representative from Universal Studios (both of them hosted the big reveal):- "The Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Orlando Resort"- Announcement was made live via internet at 12:01 AM EST today to select media, including MuggleNet.- Areas of park to include Hogsmeade, Hogwarts Castle, and the Forbidden Forest.- 20 engineers working on project.- Universal came to WB looking for authenticity.- Potter park to be built in "Islands of Adventure" area of Universal.- Stuart wants to "take his grandchildren" to the park.- Opening early 2010.- Universal's Potter website to be available at this link.- JK Rowling has been involved "since the very beginning" of the project. Also "supportive and encouraging."- Stuart thinks that the park will be better off in the United States.- Have been in design "for at least a year and a half."- "Important that the theme park represents the entire saga from Book 1 to Book 7"

Feel like slapping someone.....

Tuesday, May 29, 2007


This is the strangest thing I've seen in a while. I find it funny that the penis took about 1/5 the time to make. I guess women are just more complicated.


Guess Who

Without cheating (and we'll know), can you guess the following four celebrities? There are hidden hints if you get stuck

#1 Hint - Loves to be naked on film; think is only time truly vulnerable

#2 Hint - has won an Oscar

#3 Hint - A devotee of the livelyarts

#4 Hint - a lifelong goal for one major religion

Leave you answers in the comments

Monday, May 28, 2007

Blinded by the Light

This is the new Monkey Barn Picture. The motto comes from Manfred Mann's Earth Band. I know the lyrics are supposed to be something else, but you listen and tell me this is not what they are saying:

"Blinded by the light...wrapped up like a douche, another rumor in the night."

Speaking of obscure '70s songs, there is some song from tha decade that has, like, a 3 and a half minute intro. It is the single greatest intro I've ever heard in a rock song--all instrumental. Unfortunately, I've only heard the song a few times and can never get who sings it. Anyone who can help me will win TBJs. (Thankful Blow Jobs.)

That is all.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Computer Upgrades

Time marches on and so do computer upgrades - I'm glad to finally have a few that will be useful and enjoyable.

Eva Avila

Most Americans have no idea that there is actually a Canadian Idol too. The competition often looks like it's being produced four about 4 dollars, but there have been some good winners. Sadly, they haven't managed to break out down here. This often happens with Canadian artists.

Anyway, Eva Avila won last year. I think one of her songs has managed to make it down here, but there's another much better one. Be the first on your block to turn people on to "Fallin' for You."

More Sentence Fun.

That sentence thing turned out pretty cool.

Why? 'cuz I rule and you all suck donkey dicks, that's why.

Anyway, let's do it again!

I'll start, since I'm way smarter.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

The Sentence Game

Greetings to all the ladies I've screwed and all the ladies I've yet to screw (which is really the only way I know how to distinguish you all).

Uh, and to the dudes, too, although I don't swing that way.

I learned a new game. I was at the Preakness in Maryland last weekend, and learned this from a girl actually named "Marilyn." (And in case you're wondering, when I met her she belonged to group 2, now she belongs to group 1. That's how I roll: right up in there.)

Anyway, here's the game. The first commenter writes one word. (I'll go first, else none of you dumb mother-fuckers would figure it out.) The second commenter writes two words, the first word being the word from the first comment. The third commenter writes three words, with the first two words being what came before.

Basically we are writing a sentence one word at a time. Let me give you an example.

Let's say I went first, then Lady Jane Scarlett (she likes to come right after me), then Avitable, then Sparky Duck, then Dragon, then Sea Hag, then Hyperion, then Biff Spiffy, then Lady Jane Scarlett again, then Sparky Duck again and finally me. The sentence might look like this:

Tobias: Milk
LJS: Milk can
Avi: Milk can taste
SD: Milk can taste like
Dragon: Milk can taste like strawberries
SH: Milk can taste like strawberries when
Hyp: Milk can taste like strawberries when licked
BS: Milk can taste like strawberries when licked off
LJS: Milk can taste like strawberries when licked off her
SD: Milk can taste like strawberries when licked off her inner
Tobias: Milk can taste like strawberries when licked off her inner thighs.

See how it works? The goal is to make a complete readable sentence one word at a time.

The only rules are that you have to follow actual rules for sentence construction (don't talk like you're from Michigan), and you can't go twice in a row, although you can go as many times as you'd like. When we were playing at Pimlico we had a group of 6 people and some of the sentences were over 50 words. (Each person had to repeat the entire sentence leading up to it, which got very funny the more we drank.)

Got it?

Then Lez do it!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

In Other News....

You will notice the list of CONTRIBUTORS has shrunk. Several people had already quit; I just made it official, and there are a couple of mainstays that are welcome back, but they have yet to join New Blogger and I had to re-invite them; only time will tell.

However, I am all for fresh blood, especially for what I plan this summer. So, if you're new around here or wondered how you get on, now's your chance. A good way to get noticed is to leave comments, and not idiotic comments, but actual good comments, and of course you could always write me and tell me you're interested, eh?

400th Simpsons

So, new picture. I did it in honor of the 400th episode of The Simpsons. The 399th was a spoof on 24, and quite clever in its own way, but the 4ooth was unbelievable, not flashy, but simply brilliant, and will go down as one of the best episodes ever when it's all said and done.

I was going to change the motto to my favorite quote from the episode, but I realized the current quote fit the picture better, so c'est la vie.

Monday, May 21, 2007

That's What I am Talkin' bout

A boy and his mother are watching a Discovery channel program about elephants.
He asks his mom, "Hey, mom... what is that thing?

"She replies, "That's the elephant's trunk."

"No, not that," says the boy, "that thing right there."

"That's his tail," she answered.
"No, what is that thing... right in the middle?

"Flustered, the mother says,

"Ummm, that's... that's nothing, son.

"So the boy's mother quickly leaves the room and his dad walks in. The boy asks his dad, "Hey pop, what's that thing?

"His father answers, "Son, that's the elephant's penis.

"The boy looks at his old man with a puzzled look and asks, "Well, why did mom say it was nothing?

"His father turned to him and said, "Because your mother is spoiled, son."

Publishing note*

* I am now taking application for the audition of the Youtube reenactment. Or person or persons to fill the husband position

Friday, May 18, 2007

Dirty Dancing

Ahh Spring, when thoughts turn to love and weddings. This is Julia and James' first dance. No one will forget their wedding. Bravo!


Thursday, May 17, 2007

McDonald's Happy Meal

Now this is a Happy Meal. I'm just glad the 8 year old didn't know what to do with it. What a sad, sad world this can be.

post secret pick of the week

Happy belated Mother's Day
Take a minute to really tried and understand all aspects of this story.
It just makes me want to cry.

Blondes Do Windows

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive, double-pane energy-efficient kind.

Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them yet.

Now, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year... namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! "Helllooooo?" I told him, "it's been a year."

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.... He hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Sweets from my kitchen

Hi Y'all (chanelling Paula Dean)

Hyperion has been complaining that I haven't posted new recipes in a while. Well here you go....

Dragon's Lemon Blueberry Cake This lemon blueberry cake is moist and not too sweet. You'll love it.

Dragon's Rolo Brownies I made the brownies last night for our divisional picnic today and they were gone in a flash. Greedy buggers!

Fresh Banana Layer Cake This cake has become a real favourite for alot of people. My friend Tim requests it for his birthday every year.

Drop by Dragon's Kitchen whenever you like. I'll always make you something good.


I am the world?!?!

You are the World

Completion, Good Reward.

The World is the final card of the Major Arcana, and as such represents saturnian energies, time, and completion.

The World card pictures a dancer in a Yoni (sometimes made of laurel leaves). The Yoni symbolizes the great Mother, the cervix through which everything is born, and also the doorway to the next life after death. It is indicative of a complete circle. Everything is finally coming together, successfully and at last. You will get that Ph.D. you've been working for years to complete, graduate at long last, marry after a long engagement, or finish that huge project. This card is not for little ends, but for big ones, important ones, ones that come with well earned cheers and acknowledgements. Your hard work, knowledge, wisdom, patience, etc, will absolutely pay-off; you've done everything right.

(Please no USA for Africa jokes. Thanks!)

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Follow the bouncing ball...

Empress Dominique in the Barn!

Thanks for sharing, Dragon - That was a great one - Here's my card:

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

My Tarot Card

I 'borrowed' this from Sparky Duck's awesome blog. Isn't that a gorgeous dragon?

You are The Sun

Happiness, Content, Joy.

The meanings for the Sun are fairly simple and consistent.

Young, healthy, new, fresh. The brain is working, things that were muddled come clear, everything falls into place, and everything seems to go your way.

The Sun is ruled by the Sun, of course. This is the light that comes after the long dark night, Apollo to the Moon's Diana. A positive card, it promises you your day in the sun. Glory, gain, triumph, pleasure, truth, success. As the moon symbolized inspiration from the unconscious, from dreams, this card symbolizes discoveries made fully consciousness and wide awake. You have an understanding and enjoyment of science and math, beautifully constructed music, carefully reasoned philosophy. It is a card of intellect, clarity of mind, and feelings of youthful energy.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.


Monday, May 14, 2007

Would you rather ......

Be able to have sex but not be allowed to kiss


be allowed to kiss, but not be allowed to have sex?

Tough one, eh?


Thursday, May 10, 2007

Chances is you ain't havin' a Good Day

Monkey Barn Derby ..... And the winner is.....

Since Hyperion has neglected to tell you who won the Monkey Barn Derby, I fill you in. I won!!
That's right; my lovely, horse "Dragon's Kiss" won the derby easily. It wasn't much of a competition (did you see the other horses). In fact my horse was the only one who got out of the gate. It was a pitiful showing by the other horses. Pitiful!

Tobias's entry HUNG LIKE A RIVER MIDGET was too busy making sweet River Midget love to Lady Jane Scarlett's sexy sleek stallion LADY GODIVA'S SCARLETT REIGN. Who can blame him. Have you seen the ass on LJS's horse?

Schrodinger's feisty little entry DRAMA QUEEN - SAY HEY! tripped on her way out of the gate and shattered in a billion pieces. Wonder how many years of bad luck that makes?

Sea Hag's horse, GRAVY TRAIN, sadly died on her way to the gate. Seems she can't survive out of the water. She was flushed, um, I mean given a proper burial after the race.

Koz's horse, SIR-BARTON GALLANT-FOX OMAHA WAR-ADMIRAL WHIRLAWAY COUNT-FLEET ASSAULT CITATION SECRETARIAT SEATTLE-SLEW AFFIRMED III, was the only one I thought would give my horse a run for her money. So you can imagine my surprise when he didn't show up for the race. When I went looking for him after the race, I found him in his stable hanging from the rafters. His suicide letter (pinned to his ear) said that he was distraught over the fact his love for LADY GODIVA'S SCARLETT REIGN was rejected.

So there you have it folks. DRAGON'S KISS is the undisputed winner of the Monkey Barn Derby. Yay me!!

Monday, May 07, 2007

Dave Brubek Rulz

I've been learning some new moves, and I can play this song now. (Not as well as this cat, but don't hate)

you only wish you wuz this cool

Friday, May 04, 2007

The Facts of Life

Monkey Barn Poll

Next joke

Do you want the next joke I post to be political or religious

The Monkey Barn Derby

{You didn't think we were going to let the folks in Kentucky have all the fun, did you?}

We thought in honor of the Kentucky Derby we'd have the first Monkey Barn Derby. I asked the Monkeys to send me their horse name and picture. Unfortunately, not every monkey got out of the starting gates, but the field we have is wonderful indeed. Let's take a look.

From the #1 position, we have Tobias's entry:


In Position #2 we have Schrodinger's feisty little entry:


In the 3rd spot is a sexy sleek stallion from Lady Jane Scarlett:


The 4th slot is reserved for that tempestuos would-be bronco from Dragon:


The 5th position was drawn by Sea Hag, and a worthy vessel did she bring:


Gravy Train (Sea Hag)

The Sixth slot was wrangled by Koz himself. He presents:

These are your 2007 Monkey Barn Entrants. Check back Monday to see who won it all.

Kentucky Derby Picks

Tomorrow the Kentucky Derby is on, which, along with the Preakness and the Belmont make up horse racing's Triple Crown. I'm not a big horse guy or anything like that but I find those two minutes absolutely fascinating.

The Derby post time is 6:04 PM Eastern Time tomorrow. Take a few moments and watch it, won't you? You will find yourself absolutely mesmerized by how exciting it all can be. Everything from watching the horses get into the starting gates to that frantic dangerous opening all the way to the end: awesome.

A few days ago I asked the Monkeys to send me their Kentucky Derby picks. Few did (something I will address another time), but I wanted to print those who did, and there will be prizes for the winners. If you want to play along leave your picks in the Comments BEFORE race time.

Here is the list of Horses and where they post from.

1 Storm in May
2 Teuflesberg
3 Hard Spun
4 Liquidity
5 Bwana Bull
6 Street Sense
7 Cowtown Cat
8 Scat Daddy
9 Imawildandcrazyguy

10 Zanjero
11 Tiago
12 Circular Quay
13 Sam P.

14 Nobiz Like Shobiz
15 Stormello

16 Sedgefield Miller Leparoux
17 Any Given Saturday
18 Curlin
19 Great Hunter
20 Dominican

Here are the Monkey's Picks:

Sea Hag
win: Scat Daddy

place - Liquidty
show: Great Hunter

Lady Jane Scarlett
Win: Sedgefield
Place: Zanjero
Show: Cowtown Cat

Win - Scat Daddy
Place - Street Sense
Show - Circular Quay

Tobias the River Midget
Win - Street Sense
Place - Zanero
Show - Bwana Bull

And here are my picks:
Win - Tiago
Place - Curlin
Show - Scat Daddy

See if you can do better

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Theme Song to House


For those of you who are fans of House, take a look at the song that the House theme comes from. It's called "Teardrop" by Massive Attack. You will never look at the House opening again.

Here are the lyrics (which the House opening doesn't get to):



[Liz Fraser]

Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Fearless on my breath
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me makes me lighter
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Nine night of matter
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Water is my eye
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire of a confession
Fearless on my breath
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Stumbling a little
Stumbling a little

And here is the video, which will fuck you the fuck up to watch, so fair warning. (Safe for work; just crazy)

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Would you rather ...... [naughty bit]

Would you rather......

be introduced to your future in-laws just as they catch you naked in bed with their son/daughter


have your grandmother catch you in bed having a threesome?

I'd hate to have my granny catch me kissing
anyone let alone catching me in a threesome!