Friday, October 31, 2008

P.O.D. - Halloween 1

I hope you've enjoyed the Halloween POD series, and if not, feel free to go to Hell!

Dirty Halloween Joke of the Year

You've been warned that it's dirty, though I defy you not to tell it at work today!

Why don't witches wear panties?

Korean Culture coming to a Universe Near You

Mark my words, friends. Korean culture is the next big thing in America. It will explode on the scene with more power than the Latin wave and Grunge put together.

We're going to get into this more at another time, but I thought I would give you a heads up on Boa Kwon, or BoA, as she prefers.

BoA is a Korean popstar, and this is her first American single. Notice how much it resembles Britney's coming out party. The music is anything but unique, and if BoA has a great singing voice you surely can't tell it here, but ignore all that. This girl's a star. Remember her.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

P.O.D. - Halloween 2

This one just forever creeps me out.

Foamy the Squirrel on Halloween

From reader Skittles:

(some bad language, but hilarious, so definitely listen at work, but keep the volume down)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

P.O.D. - Halloween 3

Lady Jane Scarlett = Monkey Terrorist?

I told Lady Jane Scarlett to come up with the new Logo and Motto for Monkey Barn.

Her motto:

A Cute Hat just doesn't cut it anymore

Her picture:

Unfortunately, Lady Jane doesn't do spatial relationships very well, so the when her 300x300 picture went into the 900x300 frame, see the result.

I like it.

I like it because if the banner were regular size (as it is above), one can clearly see that the "monkey" (okay, ape, but who's counting?) has been morphed with Che Guevara. Hyperion is not a fan of Che Guevara, who has more in common with bin Laden than Thomas Jefferson.

Lady Jane's explanation: "We're honoring him for his diary, not his political actions."

Fair enough. That's why we honor Anne Frank: 'cuz God knows that girl fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

One other Lady Jane note:

If you will look down and to the right, you'll see I put up a Lady Jane Scarlett Widget. (Actually, a "Blidget") Similar to my own, this gives you direct access to Lady Jane's latest post.

I give LJS the sole honor of this to thank her for doing her best to post on Monkey Barn, and quality stuff at that. Would that her fine example light a fire under her monkey sistren and brethren.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

P.O.D. - Halloween Day 4

Bill O'Reilly on The View

This video was sent to me by Monkey Barn Reader "Skittles." There are two things I try to assiduously avoid: O'Reilly and The View, so I haven't watched this, but she assures me it's awesome.

Online divorcee jailed after killing virtual hubby

[this was sent to me by a loyal Monkey Barn reader]

Online divorcee jailed after killing virtual hubby

By MARI YAMAGUCHI, Associated Press

TOKYO: A 43-year-old Japanese woman whose sudden divorce in a virtual game world made her so angry that she killed her online husband's digital persona has been arrested on suspicion of hacking, police said Thursday.

The woman, who is jailed on suspicion of illegally accessing a computer and manipulating electronic data, used his identification and password to log onto popular interactive game "Maple Story" to carry out the virtual murder in mid-May, a police official in northern Sapporo said on condition of anonymity, citing department policy.

"I was suddenly divorced, without a word of warning. That made me so angry," the official quoted her as telling investigators and admitting the allegations.

The woman had not plotted any revenge in the real world, the official said.

She has not yet been formally charged, but if convicted could face a prison term of up to five years or a fine up to $5,000.

Players in "Maple Story" raise and manipulate digital images called "avatars" that represent themselves, while engaging in relationships, social activities and fighting against monsters and other obstacles.

The woman used login information she got from the 33-year-old office worker when their characters were happily married, and killed the character. The man complained to police when he discovered that his beloved online avatar was dead

Free Taco From Taco Bell Today Only!!!!!!

Tampa Bay Short Stop Jason Bartlett stole a base in the first game of the World Series.

That wasn't it, but it's it's the best I could do, showing Jason stealing a base. The reason I bring this up is that his stolen base earns you a:


Today, from 2 - 6 pm, Taco Bell is giving everyone who shows up a free taco because of Jason Bartlett. As I am stuck in this godforsaken house, I cannot get mine, but I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR OF ANY OF YOU SQUANDERING THIS GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY!!!!!!

That is all.

[For more info, see]

Friday, October 24, 2008

Quote of the Day

P.O.D. - Nosferatu

McCain and Obama after the Debate

After the televised debate, John McCain and Barack Obama ran into each other backstage.

"You know, John," said Obama, "out there in the debates you and I are damaging each other's reputation. Why don't we settle this contest like men? You and I will have our own private competition, and then whoever loses will endorse the other candidate."

"What type of competition do you have in mind?" asked McCain.

"A game of basketball," said Obama.

"No way," said McCain with a grin. "You're a foot taller than me -- it wouldn't be fair."

"O.K.," said Obama. "Then how about a foot race?"

"No, that's not fair either," said McCain. "I'm twenty years older than you, and I don't have much endurance left."

"Well what would you propose?" asked Obama.

"How about a speed-talking contest?" said McCain. "We'll both be given a speech, and whoever reads it fastest wins."

"No, that's not fair to me," said Obama. "I can only talk out of one side of my mouth."

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Looking for a Scary Book - Monkey Barn Help!

So, every year around Halloween I try to read a new scary book that I haven't gotten to yet. I have no real criteria, other than I like to read good (=quality) books. However, when it comes to scary stories, it's almost more important that they're interesting/scary than how well-written they are.

You can forgive much bad prose if the story works, while no matter how well-crafted, if you're not jumping in fright, you've lost.

So, I ask the Barn:


P.O.D. - Chosen One

After the joke below I felt I needed to do equal time.

Palin and the Pope

Sarah Palin is invited to meet with the Pope while he is vacationing in Venice.

The liberal press reluctantly watches the semi-private audience, hoping they will be able to allot minimal coverage, if any.

The Pope asks Governor Palin to join him on a Gondola ride through the canals of Venice.

They're admiring the sights and agreeing on moral issues when, all of a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water.

The gondolier starts to reach for the Pontiff's cap with his pole, but this move threatens to overturn the floating craft.

Sarah waves the tour guide off, saying, 'Wait, wait. I'll take care of this. Don't worry.'

She steps off the gondola onto the surface of the water and walks out to the Pope's hat, bends over and picks it up. She walks back across the water to the gondola and steps aboard. She hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence.

The next morning the topic of conversation among Democrats in Congress, CBS News, NBC News, ABC News, CNN, the New York Times, Hollywood celebrities, and in France and Germany is:

'Palin Can't Swim.'

Man Eats 15 pound burger plus 5 pounds of Toppings

From USA Today:

CLEARFIELD, Pa. (AP) — A chef at a western Pennsylvania Italian restaurant ate a 15-pound burger with 5.2 pounds of toppings in 4 hours and 39 minutes. Brad Sciullo, of Uniontown, is the first person to successfully eat the huge burger at Denny's Beer Barrel Pub, said pub owner Dennis Liegey.

The burger — called the Beer Barrel Belly Bruiser — include a bun, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, onions, mild banana peppers and a cup each of mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard and relish.

When asked what possessed him to eat a burger that big, the 5-foot-11, 180-pound Sciullo said: "I wanted to see if I could."

For more see:

They have the actual picture of the guy and burger; it's much bigger than even the one I have pictured.

This segues nicely to the Word Lady Jane Taught Me This week.

Oh, and by the way: not for nothing, but I could totally eat that burger, if I could omit the onions (doubling up on pickles or something), and swap out the mayonaise for something tasty, like cheese sauce.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


I found out yesterday that my little iPOD shuffle can be laundered-as in washed and dried. Ooops. My bad.
:) LJS

Friday, October 17, 2008

Sporty 'Stache

I lurve me a mustachooed man, it's a kitsch thing I know. Imagine my delight at finding the top 9 mustashed men in sports today. Soooo disappointing. How could they miss Mark Spitz?

So I am obligated (it is a moral imperative!) to give a list of some great mustaches in political and art history.

1. Vicente Fox. Ahh, the man who started the obsession. Check out the fab belt buckle too.
2. Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Mi amore Gabo!
3. Kurt Vonnegut. I seriously think his 'stache held 90% of his genius.
4. Pancho Villa. That slight upturn at the ends is an indication of spontaniety, I've read.
5. Friedrich Nietzsche. When he's not running for president, he's maintaining his full 'stache.
6. Mohandas Gandhi. From peace comes wisdom. From 'stache comes greatness.
7. Dali. A post-modern, surrealistic interpretation of the 'stache. The critic approves!

:) LJS

It's possible I'm a little too awesome

Two of the finest moments in this general election. Both men were funny as heck, complimentary and just plain awesome. The videos are long, but fun.

John McCain's video.

Barack Obama's video.

:) LJS

Thursday, October 16, 2008

P.O,.D, - Jaunty Chapeau

Daily Lynx - Explosion

Three more cool Lynx:

1. There are a Million websites out there telling you how to get girls. But what if you have too many of them? What if they won't leave you alone. (A problem Hyperion knows all too well.) One man has the answer: How to Lose Girls.

2. Curious what the Internet looked like back in the day? For their Tenth Anniversary, Google has unveiled Google2001. It's their earliest cache of Internet sites. You can see what various sites looked like then, which is interesting. Other interesting things to look up: Sarah Palin, Britney Spears, your girlfriend. (Make sure you select the 2001 look of the site, or it may be gibberish or modern.)

3. Okay. You're home. You're bored. You have a kitchen. Clearly the next step is to see what happens when you microwave various food (and non-food) items. Admit it: you've done this. (Mine was a raisin, microwaved for seven minutes. Not much happened, but it was hard as a rock.) Then there were these guys who (and I'm quoting), decided to Microwave the Fuck out of Shit.

Some of the things are only nominally interesting, like jelly beans, pineapple, deodorant, gum, jellow (still in the packet), gummi worms and a nerf football.

Some are moderately interesting, like ketchup packets, parfait, cake, crayons, crispy dessert bar, eclairs and a bottle of glue.

And you truly do not want to miss Christmas lights, soap, foam, breath mints, tomato, marshmallows and eggs. Good times.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Duelling Videos

I received two different videos in recent days from Monkey Barn readers, praising (more or less) our presidential candidates.

As always, I'm not endorsing anyone, and I'm not comparing the videos, either. One is a clip from a live event, and the other is a produced video. (Although: it must be said: where did the Obama video people come up with those white folks?)

Anyway, we're all about equal time here at the Barn, so watch the videos and decide for yourself.

If you have something for the Barn, send it in!

P.O.D. - Memorial.

Is that Spanish? What the Hell is this monument memorializing?

Latino Peeps - Help!

Hip-Hop Violin

I would totally buy an album of these guys.

Hip Hip Violin And DJ - More bloopers are a click away

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Daily Lynx - Rooster

Got three really cool Lynx for you today.

1. I would totally marry the woman who made me this sandwich. (Admit it: so would you.)

2. Put the Morality to the side for a moment. I'm obviously not endorsing the guy or the website or anything like that, but still....what a fascinating interview with a cocaine dealer. I don't know what I was expecting, but not that.

3. Dude. All seven Seasons of The Sopranos for 78 bucks, no shipping. Normally they'd be about $420 altogether. I can't believe this deal, and I can't believe it will last too long, so I pass along the link. If you have a husband or a good friend, get him this for Christmas. Likely he'll know what it costs and will be totally blown away. (by the way: they also have Seinfeld the Complete Series for 85 bucks, all seven seasons of Buffy for 109, the entire series of Friends for 99, the entire series of West Wing for 128, and the 132 Disney box set, everything they have ever done, for 260 (normally 1000). How the Fuck have I never heard of DVD Rooster Before?

P.O.D. - Politics

Monday, October 13, 2008

Breastfeeding at 8

Hyperion was never breastfed, a fact which may or may not explain everything you need to know about him. Down here (in the South), I see breastfeeding often occurring much later in kids' lives than other places. Apparently England is the same way.

This video is a clip from a documentary about breastfeeding. It is REAALLLLLLY CREEEEEPY.

Not pornographic or anything, although there is a shot of a woman breastfeeding her child large daughter, so it might be kinda/sorta not okay for work.

What do you think? Is this just a Mother's decision, or just a case of a woman pimping out her kids for her own pleasure?

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Friday, October 10, 2008

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Are Democrats responsible for the Housing Crisis?

Koz sent me the following video. It is about Obama's alleged connection to Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac and the Housing Crisis.

I am not endorsing it. You all know me well enough to know I don't want either major political candidate to win. I am not even saying it is entirely accurate. (Several times in the video the filmmaker challenges the reader to google the material yourself.) I am currently working my way through it, pausing and reading where I have not already. I am already familiar with a good bit of it, and much of what the video says is true enough.

My initial take is that the first seven and a half minutes are very interesting and well done. (Although: I don't like how quick it moves, almost like you don't have time to digest the info. I do understand that in the information age attention spans are low, but still.) The last three minutes you can skip, as it veers into more conventional politics.

Again, I'm not endorsing this, but we have run videos/links in the past critical of McCain, and fair is fair. If you are not in Monkey Barn, and have a video that offers other ideas, send me the link and if it's good I'll post it.

My only criteria here is "Interesting" and offering other views.

I'll say lastly that much of this I have known about for some time, and for the life of me I cannot figure out why McCain hasn't made a bigger deal of it. Who cares about '60s radicals when you have this fall into your lap? The Fannie/Freddie crisis could have been McCain's single biggest coup and wrapped up the election, but like the rest of his campaign, it was poorly and ineptly executed.

Anyway, watch the video and decide what you think.

P.O.D. - Chucky

Quote of the Day - Dog Economy

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money."

~ Joe Weinstein

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Pics that Didn't make the Cut

I wrote a column on a John Keats poem this morning. Initially it was a Hyperion-X, but when it got cut down to regular column, not only did the racy talk have to go, but some of the pictures. There is nothing pornographic about them, but they are erotic. I present them here (and if you're easily offended, don't look).

No way this Leonardo painting makes the regular column. Pretty sweet, though.

She looks so bored!

You go, Ancient Greeks!

Nothing really offensive about this one, but it's more of a "Gather Ye Rosebuds" kind of painting.

You see, I really respect these people. They can't wait until after the party. Hell, they can't even wait to get upstairs!

I have no idea what the hell is going on here.

The painting right above this one? It's a freaking basket of fruit by comparison. What the hell, man?

This was the last to get cut. I almost thought I could pass this water-maiden off as a Devon Maid.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Happy Birthday Sparky Duck

Today is Sparky Duck's Birthday, which he was classy enough to tell us by making it International Fall at a Duck's Webbed Feet Day.

Sparky's own website is Philly Transplant. You should drop by and help him blow out some candles. Sparky is 67 today, so he might need the assistance.

Happy Birthday, Sparkster!

My new book

"To keep and Idiot entertained for hours, read the next sentence.

To keep and idiot entertained for hours, read the previous sentence."

Daredevil blu-ray cover

DAREDEVIL came out in Blu-Ray. I'm not recommending it; haven't even seen it. I bring this to your attention only to highlight something. Look at the art.

Do you see it?

DAREDEVIL stars Ben Affleck. It also stars Jennifer Garner. Where are those names, larger than life? Nowhere.

Instead, we see Jon Favreau, who plays a minor character, as the "Feature."

Why? Because he directed IRON MAN. In fact, if you look at the colors, all red and gold, you might think DAREDEVIL has something to do with IRON MAN. Maybe if you buy this movie, you'll know more about IRON MAN!!!

I find that fascinating.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Boy Feeds Zoo Animals to Croc

From the AP -

SYDNEY, Australia — A blank-faced 7-year-old boy broke into a popular Outback zoo, fed a string of animals to the resident crocodile and bashed several lizards to death with a rock, the zoo's director said Friday.

The boy jumped a security fence at the Alice Springs Reptile Center in central Australia early Wednesday, then went on a 30-minute killing spree, using a rock to slay three lizards, including the zoo's beloved, 20-year-old goanna, which he then fed to "Terry," an 11-foot, 440-pound vsaltwater crocodile, said zoo director Rex Neindorf.

The boy, whose deadly acts were caught on the zoo's security camera, also threw several live animals to Terry over the two fences surrounding the crocodile's enclosure, at one point climbing over the outer fence to get closer to the giant reptile. In the footage, the boy's face remains largely blank, Neindorf said.

"It was like he was playing a game," he said.

He killed 13 animals worth around $5,500, including a turtle, bearded dragons and thorny devil lizards, Neindorf said. Although none were rare, some would be difficult to replace, he said.

"We're horrified that anyone can do this, and saddened by the age of the child," Neindorf said.

Alice Springs police said they identified the boy, who lives locally, but were unable to press charges because of his age. Children under age 10 are not criminally liable under the law in the Northern Territory.

"By all accounts, he's quite a nasty 7-year-old," said Neindorf, who plans to sue the boy's parents. "If we can't put the blame onto the child, then someone has to accept the responsibility."

The zoo's security system, which relies on sensors, probably did not detect the boy because he is so small, Neindorf said.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Quote of the Day

"All we hear about is pain on Wall Street and Main Street. How about Sesame Street? People are living in trash cans there."

She sure is....something.

I think we should let Sarah Palin do what she does best - play flute!!

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

P.O.D. - Manly Man

I was going to use this to open my MANLY Man Ranking yesterday, until I saw what the cowboy was doing. Thought I would share it with the horny sluts of Monkey Barn instead.