Rumor #3

Health experts are quietly warning of a new menace to women visiting the beach, beyond sharks, sunburn and European men in Speedos: VSD. Vaginal-Silica Disease, or what beach residents call "Sandy Vagina."  Most sand is made of Silica (Silicon Dioxide, SiO2), usually in the form of crushed quartz, which most of us know as sand.  The problem is the chemical reactions of the Silicon Dioxide with the inner lining of the cervix.  Women and Silicone have had a troubled history.  In the late '80s and early '90s there was a scare with Silicone Breast Implants, and Dow Chemical even had to stop making most of their Silicone implants.  

Apparently something very similar is happening again. "Certain women react toxically to Silicon Dioxide, or sand," said Dr. Ramalla of Atlanta's CDC in an interview on Friday. "Sand gets into the vagina, and effectively starts shredding the inner wall."  Doctors in Florida have reported a 49% increase in incidents of Environmental Endometriosis, just one of the possible complications.  More common are reports of increased irritability, moodiness and irrational thoughts, although as one anonymous RN put it, "You put sand up my [vagina], I'm gonna be pissy, too."  It is not known if something in the water is chemically altering the sand, or if the problem stems from the much skimpier bathing suits currently in vogue on Florida's beaches. 

Rumor #2

Oprah may be preparing to step away from the Airwaves next June but is not quite ready to give up her Empire.  AP is reporting that HARPO Inc. (the company that syndicates Oprah's show) is negotiating with the 2245 stations where Oprah is currently seen to keep the timeslot when the mogul retires. To do that she needs a replacement with star power. Later this year, during a planned 3 week hiatus, rather than re-runs AP reports that Oprah will give three different people auditions. Each audition will be a week's worth of shows, and they will run under Oprah's name.  The identity of these three guest-hosts has been a closely guarded secret, but TMZ is reporting that former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin, reality-star Kate Gosselin and Lindsay Lohan will get the nods.  Palin's star power is obvious and it is thought she would be able to hold the "middle America" audience.  Gosselin has recently made a name for herself too with her show (and the headline-grabbing aftermath) of "Jon and Kate Plus 8."  The real surprise is Lohan, but TMZ reports that Oprah met the movie star several years ago (right after MEAN GIRLS) and the two hit it off. "Oprah really likes her," said a confidential source, "And thinks Lindsay has real potential.  All the problems she's had have been because of the Hollywood machine, and Oprah thinks with the right guidance Lindsay could be fantastic."  The shows are scheduled to tape in late July and to air in August. 

Rumor #1

Fresh off the sad news of Gary Coleman's passing this week (due to complications from a stroke) comes word that Emmanuel Lewis (known to most as the lovable "Webster") was bitten by a shark off the coast of Pensacola, Fla. on Saturday. Hospital and Police officials were not identifying the name of the person rushed to Baptist Hospital late Saturday night other than to say it is an adult male in his late 30s or early 40s, but numerous reports indicate it is indeed Lewis. 

Avoiding Jury Duty

from the Smoking Gun, How a man avoided Jury Duty.

I'm torn between shaking my head at such apathy, and actually agreeing with him. Actually, I'm leaning his way.

What is it with CNN and dicks?

Talk about your Mile High Club!

From Planet Blago -- Fox News' Shepard Smith Mystery Science Theater's Blago's press confrence

Classic, if I do say so myself. Just another reason why Fox News is more entertaining than ohters.

Supreme Court to Look into Girl Strip-Searched for Advil

You never want to judge a case until you know all the facts but........

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- A 13-year-old Arizona girl who was strip-searched by school officials looking for ibuprofen pain reliever will have her case heard at the Supreme Court.

The U.S. Supreme Court will decide whether school officials were right to strip-search a student over ibuprofen.

The justices accepted the case Friday for review. They will decide whether a campus setting gives school administrators greater discretion to control students suspected of illegal activity than police are allowed in cases involving adults in public spaces.

Arguments are expected to be heard in April.

At issue is whether school administrators are constitutionally barred from conducting searches of students investigated for possessing or dealing drugs that are banned on campus.

A federal appeals court found the search "traumatizing" and illegal.

Some parents say older children deserve the same constitutional rights as adults, but educators counter that a school setting always has been treated differently by the courts. They say a ruling against them could jeopardize campus safety.

The case involves Savana Redding, who in 2003 was an eighth-grade honor student at Safford Middle School, about 127 miles from Tucson, Arizona. Earlier that day the vice principal had discovered prescription-strength ibuprofen pills in the possession of one of Redding's classmates. That student, facing punishment, accused Redding of providing her with the 400-milligram pills.

The school has a zero-tolerance policy for all prescription and over-the-counter medication, including the ibuprofen, without prior written permission.

Redding was pulled from class by a male vice principal, Kerry Wilson, escorted to an office and confronted with the evidence. She denied the accusations.

A search of Redding's backpack found nothing. Then, although she had never had prior disciplinary problems, a strip-search was conducted with the help of a school nurse and Wilson's assistant, both females. According to court records, she was ordered to strip to her underwear and her bra was pulled out. Again, no drugs were found.

In an affidavit, Redding said, "The strip-search was the most humiliating experience I have ever had. I held my head down so that they could not see that I was about to cry."

With the help of the American Civil Liberties Union, Redding and her family sued, and a federal appeals court in San Francisco, California, ruled against the school.

The court wrote: "Common sense informs us that directing a 13-year-old girl to remove her clothes, partially revealing her breasts and pelvic area, for allegedly possessing ibuprofen ... was excessively intrusive."

The court said the school went too far in its effort to create a drug- and crime-free classroom. "The overzealousness of school administrators in efforts to protect students has the tragic impact of traumatizing those they claim to serve. And all this to find prescription-strength ibuprofen."

In its appeal to the high court, the school district said requiring a legal standard of "probable cause" to conduct student searches would cast a "roadblock to the kind of swift and effective response that is too often needed to protect the very safety of students, particularly from the threats posed by drugs and weapons."

The high court has had a mixed record over the years on students' rights. The court could now be asked to clarify the extent of student rights involving searches, and the discretion of officials over those for whom they have responsibility.

Weird News of the Week

Couple Gets Married at Taco Bell

NORMAL, Ill. (AP) —
Employees decorated the restaurant with streamers and balloons. The bride wore a $15 hot-pink dress, and the entire wedding cost about $200.Caragh Brooks, 21, of Australia, met Paul Brooks, 30, on a dating Web site. [For more, see "I Now Pronounce You Gordita and Chalupa"]





Australia Offers Tropical Dream Job

BRISBANE, Australia (UPI) -- Australian officials are seeking applicants to fill a "dream job" that includes swimming, sailing and living rent-free in a villa with a pool.

Anthony Hayes, chief executive of Tourism Queensland, said the agency is searching for someone willing to spend six months on the tropical Hamilton Island while blogging and posting pictures and videos to draw tourists to the area......[For more, see "Beach Blogger Bonanza"]

Man solves Rubik's Cube after 26 years

PORTCHESTER, England (UPI) --
Graham Parker of Portchester, England, said he first bought his Rubik's Cube in 1983 and has since spent more than 27,400 hours struggling with the colored cube puzzle....[For more see "Why Being Colorblind is such a Challenge"]

News from Iraq

ANAHEIM, Calif. (UPI) -- A California contractor working in Iraq stunned his mother on her 50th birthday by appearing live on a computer screen in a store window she was passing.

"That's my son!" Ginger Barnett of Anaheim, Calif., squealed Saturday night when she saw 33-year-old Carl waving hello from the screen inside Ben Bridge Jewelers in the Brea Mall.

Next to the computer screen was a Rolex watch with a card that read, "Happy 50th Birthday Mom," The Orange County (Calif.) Register reported.

Brown said he enlisted family and friends to set up the live Web cam and accompany his mother to the mall and past the store, where she had often admired the jewelry and watches.

"I can't stop shaking," Barnett said. "I had no idea."

Brown, a U.S. Army veteran who works under contract training Marine troops in Iraq, said the longer he is away from home, the more he values it.

"One thing will never change and that is, where Mom is, home is," Brown said.

Online divorcee jailed after killing virtual hubby

[this was sent to me by a loyal Monkey Barn reader]

Online divorcee jailed after killing virtual hubby

By MARI YAMAGUCHI, Associated Press

TOKYO: A 43-year-old Japanese woman whose sudden divorce in a virtual game world made her so angry that she killed her online husband's digital persona has been arrested on suspicion of hacking, police said Thursday.

The woman, who is jailed on suspicion of illegally accessing a computer and manipulating electronic data, used his identification and password to log onto popular interactive game "Maple Story" to carry out the virtual murder in mid-May, a police official in northern Sapporo said on condition of anonymity, citing department policy.

"I was suddenly divorced, without a word of warning. That made me so angry," the official quoted her as telling investigators and admitting the allegations.

The woman had not plotted any revenge in the real world, the official said.

She has not yet been formally charged, but if convicted could face a prison term of up to five years or a fine up to $5,000.

Players in "Maple Story" raise and manipulate digital images called "avatars" that represent themselves, while engaging in relationships, social activities and fighting against monsters and other obstacles.

The woman used login information she got from the 33-year-old office worker when their characters were happily married, and killed the character. The man complained to police when he discovered that his beloved online avatar was dead

Man Eats 15 pound burger plus 5 pounds of Toppings

From USA Today:

CLEARFIELD, Pa. (AP) — A chef at a western Pennsylvania Italian restaurant ate a 15-pound burger with 5.2 pounds of toppings in 4 hours and 39 minutes. Brad Sciullo, of Uniontown, is the first person to successfully eat the huge burger at Denny's Beer Barrel Pub, said pub owner Dennis Liegey.

The burger — called the Beer Barrel Belly Bruiser — include a bun, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, onions, mild banana peppers and a cup each of mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard and relish.

When asked what possessed him to eat a burger that big, the 5-foot-11, 180-pound Sciullo said: "I wanted to see if I could."

For more see: http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2008-10-16-big-burger_N.htm?csp=34

They have the actual picture of the guy and burger; it's much bigger than even the one I have pictured.


This segues nicely to the Word Lady Jane Taught Me This week.



Oh, and by the way: not for nothing, but I could totally eat that burger, if I could omit the onions (doubling up on pickles or something), and swap out the mayonaise for something tasty, like cheese sauce.

Boy Feeds Zoo Animals to Croc

From the AP -




SYDNEY, Australia — A blank-faced 7-year-old boy broke into a popular Outback zoo, fed a string of animals to the resident crocodile and bashed several lizards to death with a rock, the zoo's director said Friday.

The boy jumped a security fence at the Alice Springs Reptile Center in central Australia early Wednesday, then went on a 30-minute killing spree, using a rock to slay three lizards, including the zoo's beloved, 20-year-old goanna, which he then fed to "Terry," an 11-foot, 440-pound vsaltwater crocodile, said zoo director Rex Neindorf.

The boy, whose deadly acts were caught on the zoo's security camera, also threw several live animals to Terry over the two fences surrounding the crocodile's enclosure, at one point climbing over the outer fence to get closer to the giant reptile. In the footage, the boy's face remains largely blank, Neindorf said.

"It was like he was playing a game," he said.

He killed 13 animals worth around $5,500, including a turtle, bearded dragons and thorny devil lizards, Neindorf said. Although none were rare, some would be difficult to replace, he said.

"We're horrified that anyone can do this, and saddened by the age of the child," Neindorf said.

Alice Springs police said they identified the boy, who lives locally, but were unable to press charges because of his age. Children under age 10 are not criminally liable under the law in the Northern Territory.

"By all accounts, he's quite a nasty 7-year-old," said Neindorf, who plans to sue the boy's parents. "If we can't put the blame onto the child, then someone has to accept the responsibility."

The zoo's security system, which relies on sensors, probably did not detect the boy because he is so small, Neindorf said.

Woman sits on Toilet for 2 Years

We've all had our marathon sessions with the porcelain bowl. We've all sat there so long our legs fell asleep. (Getting up is the worst!) We've all been so bored that we end up reading the back of shampoo bottles.

BUT TWO FUCKING YEARS?



WICHITA, Kan. (AP) -- Authorities are considering charges in the bizarre case of a woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years -- so long that her body was stuck to the seat by the time the boyfriend finally called police.

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

"We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."

Whipple said investigators planned to present their report Wednesday to the county attorney, who will determine whether any charges should be filed against the woman's 36-year-old boyfriend.

"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," Whipple said. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."

He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.

"And her reply would be, `Maybe tomorrow,"' Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom."

The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.

Police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her sweat pants down to her mid-thigh. She was "somewhat disoriented," and her legs looked like they had atrophied, Whipple said.

"She said that she didn't need any help, that she was OK and did not want to leave," he said.

She was reported in fair condition at a hospital in Wichita, about 150 miles southeast of Ness City. Whipple said she has refused to cooperate with medical providers or law enforcement investigators.

Authorities said they did not know if she was mentally or physically disabled.

Police have declined to release the couple's names, but the house where authorities say the incident happened is listed in public records as the residence of Kory McFarren. No one answered his home phone number.

The case has been the buzz of Ness City, said James Ellis, a neighbor.

"I don't think anybody can make any sense out of it," he said.

Ellis said he had known the woman since she was a child but that he had not seen her for at least six years.

He said she had a tough childhood after her mother died at a young age and apparently was usually kept inside the house as she grew up. At one time the woman worked for a long-term care facility, he said, but he did not know what kind of work she did there.

"It really doesn't surprise me," Ellis said. "What surprises me is somebody wasn't called in a bit earlier."

News of the Weird

Suicide Links Heart Donor, Recipient

3 days ago

HILTON HEAD ISLAND, S.C. (AP) — A man who received a heart transplant 12 years ago and later married the donor's widow died the same way the donor did, authorities said: of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

No foul play was suspected in 69-year-old Sonny Graham's death at his Vidalia, Ga., home, investigators said. He was found Tuesday in a utility building in his backyard with a single shotgun wound to the throat, said Greg Harvey, a special agent with the Georgia Bureau of Investigation.

Graham, who was director of the Heritage golf tournament at Sea Pines from 1979 to 1983, was on the verge of congestive heart failure in 1995 when he got a call that a heart was available in Charleston.

That heart was from Terry Cottle, 33, who had shot himself, Berkeley County Coroner Glenn Rhoad said.

Grateful for his new heart, Graham began writing letters to the donor's family to thank them. In January 1997, Graham met his donor's widow, Cheryl Cottle, then 28, in Charleston.

"I felt like I had known her for years," Graham told The (Hilton Head) Island Packet for a story in 2006. "I couldn't keep my eyes off her. I just stared."

In 2001, Graham bought a home for Cottle and her four children in Vidalia. Three years later, they were married after Graham retired from his job as a plant manager for Hargray Communications in Hilton Head.

From their previous marriages, the couple had six children and six grandchildren scattered across South Carolina and Georgia.

Cheryl Graham, now 39, has worked at several hospices in Vidalia. A telephone message left Sunday at a listing for Cheryl and Sonny Graham in Vidalia was not immediately returned.

Sonny Graham's friends said he would be remembered for his willingness to help people.

"Any time someone had a problem, the first reaction was, 'Call Sonny Graham,' " said Bill Carson, Graham's friend for more than 40 years. "It didn't matter whether you had a flat tire on the side of the road or your washing machine didn't work. He didn't even have to know you to help you."

They've always creeped me out....

Don't send in the clowns

Bad news for Coco and Blinko -- children don't like clowns and even older kids are scared of them.

The news that will no doubt have clowns shedding tears was revealed in a poll of youngsters by researchers from the University of Sheffield who were examining how to improve the decor of hospital children's wards.

The study, reported in the Nursing Standard magazine, found all the 250 patients aged between four and 16 they quizzed disliked the use of clowns, with even the older ones finding them scary.

"As adults we make assumptions about what works for children," said Penny Curtis, a senior lecturer in research at the university.

"We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable."

(Reporting by Michael Holden; Editing by Steve Addison)

....which we called a "laser".......

[I found this on the Rick Dees website under "Rick Sleaze." Probably not the best source of hard news, but the story checks out]

Child Suspended For Doodling Laser Gun

An East Valley eighth-grader in Queen Creek, Arizona, was suspended this week after he turned in homework with a sketch that school officials said resembled a gun and posed a threat to his classmates. But parents of the 13-year-old, who attends Payne Junior High School in the Chandler Unified School District, said the drawing was a harmless doodle of a fake laser, and school officials overreacted. “I just can’t believe that there wasn’t another way to resolve this,” said Paula Mosteller, the boy’s mother. “He’s so upset. The school made him feel like he committed a crime. They are doing more damage than good.” The Mosteller family moved to Chandler from Colorado Springs only four weeks ago, but it's not the kind of greeting Paula Mosteller, the boy's mother, said she was expecting. "My son is a very good boy," Mosteller said. "He doesn't get into trouble. There was nothing on the paper that would signify that it was a threat of any form," she said. "He was just basically doodling and not thinking a lot about it." The principal at Payne Junior High School kept the actual drawing. The suspension follows an unrelated incident earlier this month in which Gilbert police were called to Payne Junior High School to investigate a rumor of a girl bringing a gun on campus. No gun was found and a letter was sent home to parents. In the letter, school officials told parents about the incident and indicated there would be a zero-tolerance policy toward gun threats. Chandler district spokesman Terry Locke said the school is not allowed to discuss students’ discipline records. However, he said the sketch was “absolutely considered a threat,” and threatening words or pictures are punished. The sketch was one of several drawings scratched in the margins of a science assignment that was turned in on Friday. The boy said he never meant for the picture to be seen as a threat. He said he was just drawing because he finished an assignment early. School officials issued the suspension on Monday afternoon and notified the student’s father, Ben. He met with school officials and persuaded them to shorten the suspension from five days to three. When Ben Mosteller came to the school to discuss his son’s punishment, he said school officials mentioned the seriousness of the issue and talked about the massacre at Columbine High School — the site where two teenagers shot and killed 12 students and injured 24 others in 1999 at Littleton, Colo. The Mostellers said the Columbine reference was extreme and offensive. They have contacted the district’s governing board about the incident. “We understand that there was zero tolerance and the sketch could look like a gun, but the way this was handled was so horribly wrong,” Paula Mosteller said. “Hopefully, when my son goes back to school on Friday this will all be behind him. But a school accusing a child like this can have a huge effect on a child for the rest of his life.”

Headlines

Headlines around American newspapers. My comments in (the parentheses).


- New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group (Stupid agenda-driven science....)

- Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft (Too bad there wasn't a dog)

- Kids Make Nutritious Snacks (I call them "tapas")

- Arson Suspect Held In Massachusetts Fire (Lucky he didn't bugger a horse)

- Ban On Soliciting Dead In Trotwood (Damn telemarketers!)

- Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years (This time they'll plug in the chair)

- Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One (Talk about spreading the Love)

- If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While (Calling Captain Obvious)

- Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures (Take That, Global Warming!)

- Deer Kill 17,000 (Guns don't kill people, Bambi does)

- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge (I pray this wasn't in Minnesota)

- Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead (Maybe Death Row convicts need typhoons!)

- New Vaccine May Contain Rabies (This is why I've never had a flu shot)

- Hospitals Are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors (Just give them a basketball court, already!)