Because I, Hyperion, of the Monkey Barn Tribe (MBT), do desire all good things for my fellow monkeys, various hangers-on and assorted groupies (cough cough avitable cough cough), I bring you the following three items that you should not, nay dare not live without:
1. Monster 1200W I don't know the last time I watched an entire infomercial on a cleaning product, but the Monster 1200W fit the bill. Not just a steam cleaner, but with a non-toxic cleanser/sanitizer hooked in at the bottom, which is good for the germ-killing and odor removing and whatnot. OCD clean-freaks will love it, but I can't see anyone not wanting one of these. Check out the Monster 1200W website, which has a small clip from the infomercial. I would actually do housework if I had one of these.
2. For the men (and really cool women), isn't it time you ordered some more beef jerky? And not just beef jerky, but how about ostrich, elk, alligator, even kangaroo! Personally I thought the Cherry Maple Smoked Turkey Jerky looked divine, but there are plenty of favorites to choose from. Just make sure you send me some.
3. Ladies, you didn't think I forgot about you, did you? From our good friends the Trojans, I bring you the new Vibrating Touch. Meant to go on a finger, and after that it's up to you! (If someone orders this, please leave a long, detailed and steamy comment about how it works, eh?)