Friday, June 06, 2008

2000th Post - Monkey Barn 3.0

The dawn of Monkey Barn was a solo affair, Hyperion's first actual website, called Hyperion Thinks too much. A Meet-Cute between Hypey and Interweb, I poured out all my odd thoughts too incomplete, inane or dangerous for The Hyperion Institute or The Hyperion Chronicles. (Or any of the other 47 websites I eventually came to run.)

After a few months of masturbatory verbal narcissism, I decided what the joint needed was other like-minded lunatics. Thus, Monkey Barn 2.0. (If you're curious; the name "Monkey Barn" came from back when I wrote Potpourri columns. I would end each one with the phrase, "That's life in the Monkey Barn.")

In this new guise did Monkey Barn thrive. The newbies ran around like monkeys in a....well, you get the idea. After a time we added Group Projects (Monkey Barn 2.5), a way for all of us in the Barn to come together with our own spin on some artistic venture. We did Art Shows, Collaborative Storytelling, Poetry, and even some avant garde interpretive dance for homeless Ivy Leaguers.

Yes, Monkey Barn was in a true Golden Age.

Like all days of Yore, eventually the Golden Age became the Gilded Age. Through a series of Non-Hilarious events Hyperion became unable to rein herd on the woolly monkeys, and they grew first defiant, then stagnant without his leadership.

Monkey Barn was still a Monolith, but more akin to the Roman Empire, circa A.D. 450. (Some of you just winced. For the rest of you, it was akin to where E.R. is now. Still drawing a fairly sizable audience on Thursdays--though fuggedabout repeats--but no longer the buzz of Friday morning.)

This is why, secretly, a few months ago, I got the Monkeys together in a secret barn. "Monkeys," I said dramatically, "something has to change. We can't just go on as we are."

The session lasted long into the night. Goldschlager may have been involved. Finally we realized that what we wanted to do, what we NEEDED to do, was follow our hearts. We started making preparations, which we are now ready to announce.

My friends, Monkey Barn is going boldly where so many talentless hacks dreaming of bathrooms big enough to play baseball in have gone before.

That's right:


Close, but no cigar. Maybe you didn't hear me:

MONKEY BARN IS STARTING A BAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1118!!!!!!!!!

We have been practicing for months now, and are just about ready to launch our world tour, which you will of course just kill yourselves to see. It is THE ticket of the summer, people. Start getting excited. Start spreading the news, because


{details to come}


Sea Hag said...

Hells yes peoples! Are you ready to rock out with your cocks out? Or jam out with your clams out?

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

That's right folks, we're ready to rock...and...roll!

Dragon said...

We're the sexiest rockin' kitties on the planet. Worship us!

Koz (former Barn Member) said...

I hope there's a Freebird cover in the works!

Mr. Fabulous said...

So...I should worship you instead of Jebus?

Sparky Duck said...

My head hurts

Sea Hag said...

Jeebus is our roadie. That's also the name of one of our songs on the new album.

Hyperion said...

Sea Hag - How about "Jazz out with your Vajj out"???

Lady Jane Scarlett and Dragon - Save some energy for the road!

Koz - All covers must be of the Wilson Phillips or Carpenters variety. TO THE EXTREME!

Mr. Fabulous - Yes. Yes you should.

Sparky Duck - [Insert "then she's doing it wrong" joke here]