Monday, April 09, 2007

Monkey Barn Mythos - Team Alpha

The next installment of the Monkey Barn Mythos comes from Team Alpha which was Elvis, Schrondinger and Dominque. They toiled for many days and a host of farm animals and small children were hurt in the process and this is what they come up with.

Monkey Barn Mythos - Part 4

The Monkey Barn Mythos was born before Man, before Dinasour, even before George Burns. As the molten crust of the planet Earth was solidifying, a small website managed to put forth a single Monkey grunt. It was the beginning of the Barn, and this grunt was thereafter known in the Monkey Barn Mythos as "The Monkey Grunt Heard the World Over."

"Eeee...oooohhhh" echoed through the skies, and it was repeated without meaning and without comprehension. Only years later after extensive analysis and anal probing would the true meaning behind the Monkey Barn grunt be understood.

The Barn was not heard from again until a small child happened upon a horrifying creature in a small enclave in rural France, 1762. This child was frozen in fear at the sight of the gelling mass of fluid that came to be known as Hyperion. Not man, not machine, not Manimal...Hyperion was an enigma to this small town. He came to live with the child and her parents as one of their own, but was never really respected, never really accepted, and never really allowed to bake pies. And a household with no pie-baking is not a true household at all.

Once after telling him he would never make a pie again, Hyperion's adoptive father told him the story of the "Monkey Grunt Heard the World Over. " As if hearing a call from his own sphincter, Hyperion recognized the grunt as his CALL. He would find this rumored website, find this home, and begin a family of his own. And bake pies.

So Hyperion at the very mature age of 6 set off to find where he belonged. The Monkey Barn.

To prepare for the journey, young Hyperion headed to the local jerkeysmith with the intention to collect some Beef Jerkey. The jerkeysmith was crippled and strange. Hyperion asked him for some beef jerkey, but the jerkeysmith instead offered young Hyperion one of three magical gifts:
(1) Beef Jerkey
(2) Naked Photos
(3) The Answer To Any Question
Hyperion was strongly tempted by the first two options, but he could not resist choice number three. Could the jerkeysmith lead Hyperion to his destiny? The call of the Monkey Barn grew louder.

Smithy told Hyperion, “Kid, I like you. You’ve got spunk; a love of the jerky; a need to make pie; and a thirst to know. You remind me of me but I choose the Jerky. I was hoping to make you my apprentice but you’ve chosen a different path. Follow me and I’ll introduce you to who can help you.”

“Who is that,” inquired young Hyperion walking around the counter and following Smithy into the back room which smelled like heaven with all the jerky curing. Smithy remained silent, ignoring Hyperion’s questions and inquisitive looks unlike he knocked on the back door of his own shop to the tune of “Yes we have no bananas.” Hyperion wondered what kind of cruel joke Smithy was playing on him by knocking the banana song until the door was yanked open by a squat, dirty creature who crankily bellowed, “This better be good, Smithy. Wait, that’s no wench!”

“Shut it, Tobias!” boomed Smithy with a sneer.

From some where in the dark behind the midget, a deep voice boomed – “Let him in Tobby. This is the one we’re here for.” The voice made Smithy and short Tobby cringe.

“Yes, Carny. He came. Just like you said.”

"It's you!" Hyperion exhaled.

"Yes." Tobias sighed.

They stood entranced for moments, neither able to move. Fear overwhelmed them.

At last, Tobias ran to Hyperion, and jumped into his arms.

That night, Hyperion slept in the bed of Tobias, his true solemate, finally fulfilled at last. They both smelled of jerky and pie, content to know that the end of their quest lay within sight. In the darkness of night, they made the Monkey Grunt Heard The World Over ... together.

The next morning, they set out to find the elusive Barn wherein they could Monkey forevermore.

They encountered many strange creatures along the way, many sages with advice. But the most important of these was a small rock. Yes, Rocks can be sages.

As Hyperion queried direction of the rock, Tobias realized that the rhyming rock had something very important he was saying...

1 comment:

Dragon said...

Great job!