Monday, May 11, 2009

Oh, FML is back, baby!

As has become a cultural tradition, I present more of my favorites from, along with my comments.

Today, my boyfriend was wearing a new shirt he had bought over the weekend. It was really cute and I always borrow his shirts so I asked to borrow his new one. He replied with, "Okay but please don't stretch this one." FML [Hyperion - Notice me sitting here quietly not saying a word]

Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang... straight to the table to see if there were any scratches on it. FML [Hyperion - I TOTALLY understand this guy's pain. I can't tell you how many times this happened to me, and when it wasn't concern over some piece of their home I might have broken, it was laughing at how funny I looked falling down. One time I was coming down the stairs, and I have to come down stairs sideways because my feet are too big for the each stair, and my family has so much crap piled up on the stairs that I can't maneuver and I fall on SOMETHING and tumble all the way down the stairs, AND TO THIS DAY, if the story comes up, my mom cracks up over the idea that my feet were too big to walk down the steps normally. F MY Life!]

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. After writing the ticket, he asked me why I was wearing a surgical mask. I told him that swine flu was found in our area and I was scared. He thought that I was insulting him and wrote me another ticket. FML [Hyperion - This was from a few days ago, before everyone knew what it was. Pretty funny, though.]

Today, my girlfriend's friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl. When I came back home my girlfriend punched me in the face and asked who the girl was. Apparently her friend didn't tell her the cute girl was my three years old niece. I lost a tooth because of that punch. FML [Hyperion - I don't trust that "friend," who seemed to conveniently leave out a detail. Chicks, man.....]

Today, I was folding the laundry. At one point, I had to take a moment to figure out whether a pair of underwear was mine or my mothers. I'm 18. She is 56. Enough said. FML [Hyperion - Hey, it could've been worse. Could have been a guy posting. Or was it?....]

Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML [Hyperion - Pretty damn hard to feel sorry for soccer moms. My mom was not a soccer mom, but I've met many of them, and there are very few I wouldnt' call "some fat bitch" just on general principle. F*** you, Soccer Moms!]


Lady Jane Scarlett said...

I think you're being a bit harsh on the soccer mom species.

Hyperion said...

I'm not saying all Soccer Moms are evil, but on the whole, if all Soccer Moms were eaten by poodles, would not the world be a better place?