Cat Playing Piano

For Lady Jane Scarlett, and Schrodinger's Kitten, and Tracy Lynn, and all the other insane cat-lovers who somehow see me as cat-nip. (Got this from my oldest sister, another crazy cat lover.)

Twitter Dreamz

I finally -- FINALLY! -- figured out a bit what I am doing on Twitter. "How Hypey got his groove back." I can now, with a clear conscience, totally recommend you follow me there. Whether you have a phone or just use internet, you need to be on Twitter, if only just for me. -

https://twitter.com/EmperorHyperion

Peaches - "Talk to Me"

Friend of mine recommended this. Lyrically it is not much, but sonically I was grooving.

One more reason to use Firefox

Trailer - HANGOVER

I'm not usually one to recommend a movie based on drinking and the lottery, but at least the trailer looks funny.

Lies by the Black Keys

This was recommended to me by Megan McCain. Good vibe.

Male/Female Geography

from my mother......



THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.




THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran, Ruled by Nuts.

What if Darth Vader and Batman had a kid?

Namata - Treasure in You - BAD SONG OF THE DECADE

There is almost no way to describe how bad this video is. Here is the best I have come up with: Imagine Flava Flav and Deangelo had a love child, and he became a singer.

That doesn't come close. The girl isn't even hot! And the dancers, the dancer.....ARE WEARING PIRATE LEGGINGS!!!!!! And the patches on his coat...

[wheezing]

Must stop describing video, or will die of coronary. Only, one more thing: the last thirty seconds are better than the rest of this masterpiece, so make sure you get all the way through! (starts about 3:51 into it.)


Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, Koz and Avitable, may I present: Namata - "Treasure in You"

Best Trick Shot EVER!

It's hard to see what's actually going on here, but this is the most amazing trick shot in the history of the Universe.

By tradition, on the 16th hole of the Masters (during a practice round), the players try to "skip" the ball across the water onto the green. This is pretty hard to do, and any player who does it is given a well-deserved round of applause.

But Vijay Singh....and I don't even like the guy! Vijay makes the shot! This has to blow away any full-court heave you've ever seen on the basketball court.

Betrayal Picture I couldn't dare put on the Home Page

I couldn't fit this into my Betrayal Quotes List. It's from my friend Uri, and It just blows me away with it's menace.

If Bill Gates Were on Facebook

P.O.D. - Moses Lolcat

Hugging Lions

Dudes,

I don't know what the story is with this guy, but this video is absolutely insane. It is written that Alexander was raised with lions, to teach him not to fear. Well, if I ever have a child, I'm hiring this dude.

P.O.D. - Delta Burke, the later years

I've had this as my MSN avatar for a few weeks. I thought you should get to enjoy it too.

What's this week missing? Oh yeah: FML!

You know you missed it!

Here are more of my favorites from F***MyLife.com

Today, I tasted the rainbow. By that, I mean a homeless man hit me in the face with a bag of Skittles for not giving him money. FML

[Hyperion - I cannot tell you how deeply ashamed I am that I have never hit anyone with a bag of Skittles. This will be remedied and right soon.]

Today, I finally convinced my husband of 8 years to partake in a threesome with a guy that works with me and for which I have developed feelings. Everything was going well until in the heat of the moment my husband started performing oral sex on my colleague. I can't face either of them now. FML


Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

[Hyperion - If I ever decide to not be a virgin anymore, I'm going to do this to someone.]

Today, I bought a new purple shirt and decided to wear it to this charity function I was going to. I thought I looked pretty good in it. Then I got home and realized I left the sticker on. I had an "XL" sticker on my boob all night. FML


Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML


Today, my mom has been calling me every ten minutes, asking me questions about her new computer. She called me at work, and I rudely answered her question. She called back, talked to my boss, saying she was a customer that called in, and I was rude to her. FML


Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML

[Hyperion - In his defense, he might have thought it was foreplay.]

Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML


Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML

[Hyperion - It could be worse. She could've walked in on grandma doin' it doggie-style with her bf. That's pretty much a "kill myself" moment, right? No way you're coming back from that.]

Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML


Today, I was going through my old MSN conversations. I then realized that when I first got MSN, I didn't know that messages you sent after people went offline would be delivered to them when they signed in. I used to type 'I love you' to my crush after every time he went offline. FML


Today, my girlfriend decided to strip me naked and blindfold me, then told me I'd get a reward if I caught her. So I ran around naked and blindfolded till I caught her, and then I yelled, "I want my prize on the kitchen table!" It was her mom who'd just got back from work. FML

[Hyperion - I spent 10 minutes trying to think of what he could say to the Mom to get out of this, you know, if he had a moment to eat a Twix bar and reflect - and the best I could come up with was, "I'm almost done with the ritual purification so that I may enjoy the food your daughter prepared as a reward."]

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I told my boyfriend not to tell anyone, because I know how boys are. He promises he won't tell. The next day, he wore a shirt saying "Rebecca was Here" with an arrow pointing down. FML

[Hyperion - I am TOTALLY getting these t-shirts made up. You KNOW you'd buy one]

Today, when my boyfriend reffered to my hair, I told him I was going to dye it. He responded by saying, "finally, so how much you going for, 40, maybe 50 pounds?". I said dye it, not diet. FML


Today, I was going to have sex with my hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "pollo frito". I then proceeded to have sex, constantly screaming pollo frito for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

[Hyperion - Not for nothin', but she may have turned him on even more that way. Yelling out "Beef Jerky Pizza" would be better than Viagara!]

Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML


Today, at my job as a cashier, a man and his 3-year old son got in line. The father said, "Give this to the pretty lady," looking at me. The kid looks at me, looks at his dad, and walks over to the next cashier. FML


Today, me and my boyfriend were telling each other secrets and I told him i've shaved my upper lip. He said "I know, it's prickly when we make out." FML

[Hyperion - Great; now I have to call every woman I've ever kissed. and Koz. (I haven't kissed him; he's just a womnan.)]

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we weere joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

[Hyperion - Hell; I'm going to start saying that to random strangers! (By the way, Schrodinger's Kitten tells me this is how she met her Boyfriend.)]

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "because you can't find a real girl I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

[Hyperion - About the only thing on Earth that could make that more embarrassing than that is if it was an Ankle Sock.]

P.O.D. - Judas

Yet more FML!

Because Lost Goddess asked so nicely, here are some more of my favorite FMLs

(from http://www.fmylife.com/)

Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend and she was grabbing the fat on my stomach I said to her "stop touching my fat". She replied "so don't touch you at all?" FML

[Hyperion - if a man said that to a woman....oh, man. I'm already cringing.]

Today, my over-protective mom decided to do a blacklight test on my room to make sure I wasn't doing the naughty in my bed. The bed was clean. My face wasn't. FML

[Hyperion - I'm not sure what's more disgusting; her whorriness or her lack of hygeine.]

Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML


Today, I told my girlfriend I needed someone to talk to because I just found out my aunt has cancer. She told me to talk to her in an hour, Spongebob was on. FML


Today, I woke up a little after seven. I felt sick to my stomach because last night was my bachelor party and I drank more than I ever have before. I checked my phone, and I had received 42 missed calls. It was seven o'clock pm. Today was my wedding day. FML



Today, my boyfriend sent me a text telling me to turn the radio on to a certain station. When I did, there was a talk show on, and the host was ranting about how important it is for women to control themselves and not be emotional. My boyfriend continued texting me, asking if I was listening. FML



Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "because you can't find a real girl I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

[Hyperion - That's just brutal. ]

give it up for my Peeps!

The End of Small Farms?

I'm not saying this issue does not have two sides, but from what I've looked into, what she's saying is pretty right on. If anything, the reality is far worse.

April Fool's Card (#6)

April Fool's Card (#5)

April Fool's Card (#4)

April Fool's Card (#3)

April Fool's Card (#2)

April Fool's Card