Friday, April 04, 2008

Monkey Barn Wedding Toasts

Keeping with the Wedding column theme I’ve been running this week on the home page, I asked the Monkeys to come up with Wedding Toasts. They didn’t have to make them up, they just had to send me their favorites. This is what they sent me:


From Friends Espisode 7.06: Monica tells Rachel and Phoebe to decide who is going to be her Maid of Honor. They can't come to an agreement, so Joey and Ross hold "auditions" for the part. One of the tasks is to come up with a Maid of Honour toast. This is Rachel's…..

Rachel: I've known them separately and I've known them together to know them as a couple is to know that you are truly in the presence of love. So I would like to raise my glass to Chandler and Monica, and the beautiful adventure they are about to embark upon together. I can think of no two people better prepared for the journey.


Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.


I have never been prouder of the two of you then this moment right now. And now a nice little Irish Toast

There are 4 things you must never do: lie, steal, cheat, or drink.

But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love.

If you must steal, steal away from bad company.

If you must cheat, cheat death.

And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.


Here's to the prettiest, here's to the wittiest, Here's to the truest of all who are true, Here's to the neatest one, here's to the sweetest one, Here's to them, all in one - here's to you.

Schrodinger’s Kitten wrote to ask if she could do a Pirate Toast. Idiotically I said yes.



(This is from Four Weddings and a Funeral, when Hugh Grant’s character is giving the Best Man Toast)

Ladies and gentlemen, l'm sorry to drag you from your desserts. There are just one or two little things I feel I should say, as best man. This is only the second time l've been a best man. I hope I did OK that time. The couple in question are at least still talking to me. Unfortunately, they're not actually talking to each other. The divorce came through a couple of months ago. But l'm assured it had absolutely nothing to do with me. Paula knew Piers had slept with her sister before I mentioned it in the speech. The fact that he'd slept with her mother came as a surprise, but I think was incidental to the nightmare of recrimination and violence that became their two-day marriage. Anyway, enough of that. My job today is to talk about Angus. There are no skeletons in his cupboard. Or so I thought. I'll come on to that in a minute. I would just like to say this. I am, as ever, in bewildered awe of anyone who makes this kind of commitment that Angus and Laura have made today. I know I couldn't do it and I think it's wonderful they can. So, back to Angus and those sheep….

So, ladies and gentlemen,

if you'd raise your glasses.

The adorable couple.

Finally, Sea Hag reminded me that no wedding toast montage could be complete without a visit from our friend Rowan Atkinson. It’s a little long at 8 minutes, but I promise you’ll see nothing funnier all month. You owe yourself a laugh today. (I'd embed it but for some reason you can't.)


The worst wedding toast EVER!

1 comment:

Sparky Duck said...

Kitten:Winner hands down.

LJS-what wedding is she going too where the toast is at dessert. I was in the bag by the appetizers for my brothers wedding