Christmas Bells

I can't believe I go out of my way to post little tidbits here on Monkey Barn, and you bastards aren't even commenting! I tell you the the truth...when I get full-time Internet access back, Monkey Barn is going to get a collective ass spanking the likes of which have not been seen since Hyperion had to hide out in a Tulane Sorority one weekend from the cops. (Long story.)

I'm tempted to not even post more jokes, but that'd be letting the Terrorists win.


A man who knows his meat.....
Frank the butcher mangles his finger and is rushed to the emergency room. His wife calls, concerned.

"Did you lose the whole finger?"

"No, it was the one next to it."


I'm sure they're laughing on the inside...
Two Lions are eating a clown, and the one says to another, "Do you think this tastes funny?"


Christmas Bells (from Dave Barry, who swears this is the funniest punchline ever.....)
There was a lady who was in bed with her lover one day, when she hears a noise and realizes that her husband is home early from work. She has no idea what to do with her lover so she sticks him in the closet and successfully covers up every part of his body except his balls. Thinking quick, she paints his balls red with some spray paint. Her husband comes up to the bedroom and opens the closet doors to get out some clothes and notices the red balls hanging there. "What are these?" he asks. "Oh, those are just some Christmas Bells I picked up on sale this afternoon," she answers. He toys with them for a second and realizes that they are not making noise, so he pulls them apart and clangs them together, but all he hears is "uuuggghhh." He says, "Honey, these things aren't working right, let me try again. So he pulls them farther apart and bangs them together. Still the only noise made is "uuuugggghhhh." He is beginning to get a little annoyed and he says, "I am gonna try once more and if these things do not chime, I am gonna throw them in the fireplace and burn them. So he stretches them as far apart as he can and slams them together. At that moment the guys sticks his head out of the closet and screams, "Ding dong, dammit, ding dong!!"