Groovy Pumpkins

Jadriana sent me this kick-ass Pumpkin song.  "Blue Moon" is one of the best Oldies songs, and Pumpkins just makes it better!

"Stand back, fancy pants...I show you how to sing a classic....Maestro?"

International Lady Jane Scarlett Day

On this day- September 15th, in the era of free love, hip huggers, disco, and shiny lip gloss, a child was born. Lady Jane would become a great pirate who fearlessly led her legion of followers to the path of slackerhood, great spaghetti sauce, and a quest to reduce global warming. LJS was born to a humble family in Ohio where she learned how to read by age 3 and got her first broken bones by age 5. In addition to her legacy as a fearless purveyor of the seas, Lady Jane is the only person ever to earn the Nobel prize in every category. She is adulated in 6 continents as a "cat whisperer" and is world-renowned as the best crooner of lullabies, ever. Due to the "penguin incident", she is an outlaw in Antarctica.


So today, September 15th, we celebrate International Lady Jane Scarlett day with a pirate "arggghhhhh!" and a shot of tequila.


[taken from International Day]

Daily Lynx - Hyperion Day Style

Since today is Hyperion Day, I thought I would reward you with a monster edition of the Lynx. (These have all been vetted for coolness. Not a Biden in the bunch. Ooh, that's a great motto!)


1. You need something to get pissed off about. Admit it. I'm your huckleberry. In New York, mothers are taking their 8 year old daughters for their first Brazilian wax. A rite of passage, right? When will you liberals learn shame?


2. Thinking about drinking Tequila, but not really sure it's for you? Take a look at what things look like sober vs. drunk on Tequila.


3. One more cheap shot at liberals. (Conservatives will take it up the ass from me next week.) Some older women are cougars. Then there are some who are PUMAs.



4. Switching gears, a really cool food site: the Encyclopedia of Spices. I always wondered what the hell to do with Asafoetida.



5. Just for the Awesome: The 10 most incredible feats of The Incredible Hulk.



6. How to get laid in 1977. I want you to know; I have personally seen Sparky Duck wearing three of these outfits.



7. One of the greatest short videos of all time. How many times does 5 go into 25? If you said 14, you really know your maths.


And finally, not to EVER be forgotten, the Lady Jane Scarlett decreed International Bow Down Before the Hyperion Day. She said it, not I.


Those are your Daily Lynx. Use them wisely, people.

International lolcat day

I just realized it was International lolcat Day. S0, these go out to Lady Jane Scarlett (except the fourth one, which goes out to Schrodinger.....)

International Un-Birthday Day

Today is International Un-Birthday Day

Tuesday is International Do a Favor Day

Wednesday is International Apathy Day

Thursday is International Sing in the Store Day

Friday is International Top Ten List Day

Saturday is International Respect the Dog Day

Sunday is International Procrastination Day

All of these world-renown holidays can be found at International____Day. Get celebratin’!

International Um.....Ya Know Day

This week’s festive holidays:

Monday – International Um….Ya Know Day

Tuesday – International Michael Corleone Day

Wednesday – International Cliché Day

Thursday - International Take a Penny, Leave a Penny Day

Friday – International Say it, Don’t Spray it Day

Saturday – International Punch a Cyborg Day

Sunday – International Farfelonus Day

All of these holidays can be found at International_____Day. Make sure you celebrate them….or else.

International Eat Something New Day (and no, your neighbor doesn't count)

Some crazy holidays going on this week.


yesterday was International Pizza Day. Actually, you can celebrate this all week and be cool. I myself had a Three-Meats Totino's Pizza, baked on a cookie sheet (because I like it a little bit chewy).


Today is International Eat Something New Day. I'm contemplating ordering the new Island Fire Burger from Sonic. If not that, any suggestions?


Tomorrow is International Razor Burn Day. (I do have to shave, but maybe I can just cut myself a little.)


Friday, alongside Independence Day, is also International DUDE Day. I'm fairly sure you must watch THE BIG LEBOWSKI, at least for a few minutes.


Saturday is International Don't Drink Pee Day. You know, if you were planning on it, don't.

And the week rounds out with Sunday's International Blogocile Day. (Combination of Blog and Imbecile, and more than that you'll have to read Wordnerd's explanation.)

These holidays can be found at International Day. Enjoy.

Daily Lynx - Big Batch Day

A big batch of links to get your week started.


1. First, a SHAMELESS PLUG. There are seven international holidays this week, brought to you by your good friends at International Day. They are:

Monday - International Be Nice to French People Day

Tuesday - International String Theory Day

Wednesday - International This Day in History Day

Thursday - International Call in Sick Day (may be celebrated all week)

Friday - International Jealously is Cool Day (I just celebrated this five minutes ago, getting a jump start)

Saturday - International I Don't Care Day

Sunday - International Food Court Day

Drop by and check them out.



2. Forbes Magazine's annual Celebrity 100 List is out. Not quite sure how they did their amalgamation, but you can isolate by Overall, Money, TV, Web and press. The top two are gimmies; after that it's a bit odd.



3. MuchBetterThanThis.com. There is simply no way to describe it.



4. For you nut jobs (walnut paneled nut jobs) who treat HGTV as a religion, How to Install Invisible Shelves. Seems like more trouble than it's worth, but I'm guessing several panties just moisturized. (I say panties because any guy who is into HGTV is basically a girl, so the metaphor fits.)



5. Not remotely dirty, just totally fucking mango: What every man wants in bed. Some day, friends, this will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine.





6. I love watches like I love to smack a sweet ass, but I cannot imagine ever wearing one of these Cool Watches that take a P.h.d. to read. They are cool, though.



7. I'm sure you have been following the R. Kelly Trial, and know by now that he was found not guilty of Child Pornography. Slate.com writer Josh Levin has a wrap up column after watching the the entire trial, including links to previous dispatches. Some of the Defences R. Kelly's legal team will have you in hysterics. (Well, it would if it wasn't so serious.) Then again, maybe they have a point. Just because the video looked like R. Kelly doesn't mean it was him. That shit is easy to fake. Scroll back up and look at the picture at the top. I don't mean to scare you but, THAT'S NOT ACTUALLY R. KELLY!

Somebody's Balls are about to Drop

This is (if I counted correctly) the 1999th post in Monkey Barn history. Tomorrow, the 2000th post, will unveil Monkey Barn 3.0; or Monkey Barn the Next Generation. (And no; it will not include anything about Picard.)

I was trying to think about what to do for this 1999th post, and I thought about doing a Top Ten posts from 1001-1999, but that proved too difficult, and I could just see hurt feelings, etc.

I would point you to the very special 1000th post, which Lady Jane Scarlett organized without my knowledge. And our Archives are over on the right, which you are more than encouraged to take look through.

And, since I don't really have anything else, I guess this is as good a time as any to tell you the International Holidays from this week.

June 1 was International Be Ferris Bueller Day

June 2 was International Banana in the Tailpipe Day

June 3 was International Styrofoam Day

June 4 was International Disconnect Day

June 5 WHICH IS TODAY is International Chuck Norris Day. This one never gets old.

Tomorrow is June 6, International "Wars were better in My Day" Day

Saturday is June 7, International "The Count" from Sesame Street Day

And Sunday, which is also my sister's birthday, is International Hug a Sister Day

You can find out about the proper dress, decorations and celebratory activities for these days by visiting International Day, where every day is a Holiday.


And get ready for tomorrow, which is going to blow you the fuck away.

Via Dolorosa

and just to show equal time, Happy Easter from that other meaning of the day.....

Rabbit Tales

[this was originally supposed to be an all-monkeys project, but I lost heart and decided to just do it this way instead]


Okay, friend reader; I have a game for you. As you may have noticed, I have gone bunny crazy over on my home page. One of the pictures was a tad too racy for those sheltered folk, which makes it perfect for you degenerates!

My goal, as is yours, should you choose to play along in the comments, is to come up with the first and last sentence of a story based on the picture below. You do not have to provide the story. Frankly, we don't want to read it. All I care about is the first and last sentences of the story. Surely you can do that!

Here is the picture:




And here is my first attempt:

First Sentence:

"Jane would later reflect that the idea of breeding chocolate bunnies like regular bunnies would only seem wise (and only be attempted) by the very odd and the very Very inebriated."

Last Sentence:

"'On the bright side,' said Jane, wiping her mouth of the last of them, 'I no longer have to worry about getting pregnant.'"

CAN YOU DO BETTER?

St. Joseph's Day

Today is St. Joseph's Day, which is the Italian-American version of St. Patrick's Day.

As such, you are honor-bound to eat Italian food




and watch an Italian movie



Also permissible would be anything with Monica Bellucci. (Actually, it is perfectly appropriate to do this every day of the year.)




YOU'VE BEEN TOLD!