All my Exes have dated Wreckses.....

I recently asked whether you'd want your EX's next paramour to be HOTter or NOTter than you.

Some interesting answers. Here's mine.

It's a little known fact, but a long time ago Hyperion dated one of the Monkeys in the Barn. No, I'm not going to say who, and we're just friends today, but I remember once after we broke up for the second time (we were one of those couples who broke up several times, but it wouldn't work out so we'd get back together). Anyway, after that second time "Shirley" went out with some real losers.

At first I was happy, because of their loserdom, but after a while it kind of got to me. I mean, if that was the kind of man she picked, what did that say about me? Was I an abberation, or the norm?

More importantly, those guys and I belonged to a special club: people who at one point dated Shirley." It's an exclusive club (well, relatively speaking), not open to just anybody. Forever more I would be in this group, and as such, I wanted it populated with pretty great people. I continually badgered Shirley to date Brad Pitt (she was cool enough to have pulled it off, had she wanted to), so that I would be in a group of men that included Brad Pitt. I felt this would, by comparison, make me a better man.

That's my two cents.

Are you ready for the next question?

QUESTION #2

How is it that every Monkey Barn lady is...uh, well endowed? I mean no offense here, but it seems staggering to me that of all the women we have, not one is a pirate's dream (sunken chest).

You can't blame me. I've only met three of you, and only knew two before they became monkeys. I had no idea that most had large chests, until the information filtered to me, either through photographs (sadly, normal ones) word of mouth or "testimonials."

Even our latest member, who isn't even with us yet, and I'm quoting Tiff verbatim here because I have no idea myself, is "spectacularly racked."

So what's the deal? Am I subconsciously seeking out an All-Star Team for the Blogger Stripper Olympics? Is this some Oedipal issue owing to the fact that I was never breast fed? Or is the real cause reversed, and bosomy babes are seeking out the Barn on their own?

Please enlighten me with your theories. (And guys? I'm probably in enough trouble for bringing it up. I'd keep out of this and just thank the Light it is so.)

Hyperion