A Woman's Place
The following is from a 1950's Home Economics textbook intended for High School girls, teaching how to prepare for married life.
1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with alot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.
4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.
6. Some Dont's: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.
7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.
8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.
9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.
10. The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.
2 comments:
Oh Hype, do we really want to go there? I would think that the recent "war" would have been enough excitement for a while. At the risk of: a)starting another war and b)suddenly becoming the very serious preachers wife that I have been trying not to bring here, I am going to venture to bring a slightly more balanced perspective to this "enlightening" article. Here goes.
In the beginning, God created man and gave him some specific responsibilities: care for the earth, be fruitful and multiply (not just procreatively). God saw that it was not good for man to be alone so he created a helper for him-woman. Now, everything was going swimmingly; Adam was caring and Eve was helping and no one was arguing about who's turn it was to take out the trash, then came the "apple incident." From this point on it has been all down hill.
Jumping to another text, we read that it is the husbands job to love the wife as Christ loved the church. How did he do that? By dying to save her, putting her needs first. What are wives called to do? Respect our husbands, put them first. With all this putting each other first you would think marriage would be a happier place wouldn't you? Unfortunately we get sucked into thinking that we should be first instead of our spouse. We get all up in arms over that little line that asks us (women) to submit. I should point out that there is a very good reason for this "command" (God's, not man's) and it has to do with the consequences of the apple eating- but that's another sermon.
In the real world of marriage (Handsome and I will celebrate 12 ys this summer)what works is both spouses making the daily effort to put the other one first, what ever that means.
Each couple needs to work out what things need to be done in order for the home to run, and the marriage itself to grow. This will constantly change as life changes so just because one of you always did the cooking and the other always took care of some other aspect, if your life has changed- a new baby, a job change- maybe the handling of the "chores" needs to change too. Remember; earning an income is someone's "job", caring for the home and family (feeding clothing,cleaning,maintenance etc)are all part of life. Everyone needs to eat, there for everyone should be willing to pitch in and be part of this "chore" together.
Obviously, if this is the era you grew up in, or your parents are from this generation, this type of "arrangement" is what was seen and is thought of as "the way it should be". This makes it difficult to know how to change now.
Ladies, if we are intelligent, gentle and consistant about presenting our husbands with the idea of taking a more active role in caring for the home, the children, and us it can be accomplished. ***One author I read recommends finding a way to express our needs in a way that shows him how it will benefit him to help us. Example: "Honey, if you could help me by putting the kids to bed while I tidy the kitchen then we could sit down together when you are done." In this case, I would probably up the ante by promising a back or foot rub as a show of appreciation*****
I think the article says some important things: respect yourself and your spouse enough to make the time to take care of yourself so you can look and feel your best. You don't have to be a super model, just the best you you can be. Remember how hard you tried to look just right for him when you were dating? Try looking like his "girlfriend" agian, and maybe he will treat you like he did then too. Do make your home a haven, find out what one thing he would really like to come home to and as often as possible make it happen, chances are he will try harder to be home more. And especially, don't greet him at the door with problems. Let him get his shoes off before he has to hear about one more thing that needs fixing. Do you like to have something frustrating or disappointing thrust in your face first thing in the morning or at work etc? I guarantee you will get farther by timing your "beefs" when he has had time to unwind, then careful presentation is the next key to having them well received.
We are not at war, we were created to work together for the mutual benefit and growth of this world and each other. Choose to make this the model in your life and/ or your marriage.
P.S. If you or someone you know is headed for marriage and could benefit from looking at how to have this kind of marriage, Handsome and/or I would be happy to chat with you. Since Hyperion knows who I am, perhaps he would pass on a message if you let him know you read it here. All the best, Harriet.
I couldn't have written it any better myself. Those were some damn smart women back in the '50's
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