Monday, July 25, 2005

I miss Applebee's all you can eat ribs....

One more reason why I don't drink

This one actually reminds me of a good story:

Years ago (when Hyperion had money) we used to go to Applebee’s every Wednesday night after close (the end of Pizza Hut's week). We always had a good time and tipped the servers well, since we ourselves worked for tips.

Well, one night my friend Darius was with us. D was a professional drinker. He bragged that he and two friends tapped a keg once in an afternoon. Another along for the ride was Carlos, who wasn't even 21 at the time (legal drinking age), but Carlos was half Cuban/half Mexican, so pride forced him to try to keep up with Darius. They each drank four large pitchers of Foster's (Australian for Beeah), and while Darius looked fit enough to engage in spirited Middle-East policy disputes, Carlos was sloppy.

[Side note: I kept ordering these frozen drinks called a "BananaBerry Freeze" because I liked the taste. The others kept egging me on for not drinking, but I didn't worry about it too much. Finally our server tried to help and said, "Don't be ashamed. Lots of men order BananaBerry Freezes....Of course they’re usually 10...." Carlos laughed so hard he fell off his high stool, and Darius tipped the man ten dollars on the spot.]

Anyway, at some point they switched to liquor, because nothing caps an evening massive beer drinking like getting the alcohol more quickly into your system. Darius ordered Sambuca, which no one had every heard of. The idea is to light it on fire, and then drink it through the straw, but very quickly, because otherwise the straw could catch on fire.

No one had ever seen this before, so they turned down the lights and everyone watched us, Ooohing and Ahhhing. On the second round Carlos got carried away and spilled his all over his track suit, made of that shiny track suit material. Don't know what that's called, but it's flammable, and Darius then proceeded to pretend to light Carlos on fire, which scared him so badly that he pitched backward into the table behind us and broke the table in half. One of the girls at that table laughed so hard that she wet herself and had to go running into the bathroom.

Good Times.

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