Friday, April 14, 2006

Quality Family Time

The following conversation actually took place between my mother and me.

MOM: I’m going to tell you something, and then you say ‘that’s bad.’ Then I’ll tell you something else, and you say ‘that’s good.’ And back and forth.

ME: Mom, you’ve done this one before.

MOM: Oh. (Looks crushingly disappointed)

ME: (Sigh.) Let’s do it again.

MOM: Okay! A Man fell out of an airplane.

ME: That’s bad.

MOM: No, that’s good.

ME: Why’s that good?

MOM: Because he had a parachute.

ME: Oh, that’s good.

MOM: No, that’s bad.

ME: Why’s that Bad?

MOM: Because his parachute didn’t open.

ME: That’s bad.

MOM: No, that’s good.

ME: Why’s that good?

MOM: Because There was a field with a big haystack for him to land in.

ME: Oh, that’s good.

MOM: No, that’s bad.

ME: Why’s that Bad?

MOM: Because there was a pitchfork in the haystack.

ME: That’s bad.

MOM: No, that’s good.

ME: Why’s that good?

MOM: Because he missed the pitchfork.

ME: Oh, that’s good.

MOM: No, that’s bad.

ME: Why’s that bad?

MOM: Because he missed the haystack too.

ME: Oh, that’s bad.

MOM: I can’t remember what comes next.

Still, she’s happy. I felt I had to do my part too, so I reached back to my childhood and said,

ME: What’s grosser than gross?

MOM: What?

ME A pile of dead babies.

MOM: Ugh!

ME: What’s grosser than that?

MOM: (Tentatively) What?

ME: A live one at the bottom.

MOM: (Says nothing, but throws a wash rag at my head)

ME: What’s grosser than that?

MOM: I don’t even want to know

ME (not perturbed in the least) It’s eating it’s way to the top.

MOM: Hyperion!

ME: What’s grosser than that?

MOM: (Cringing) What?

ME: It’s going back for seconds.

Remember folks, it’s not so much quantity time that counts, it’s quality time!


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