How do they make a 7-10 Split? (Magic!)

Speaking of Wizards......

I got my first Dinosaur Presen Day (Featuring T-Rex) gifts yesterday. I tell you the the truth, homies: anyone who is down on that holiday should have seen my haul.

My foodstuffs included: Skittles, Jelly Bellies, Spicy Peanuts, Granola Bars, Dark Chocolate Almond Bark, Dried Mangoes, two kinds of homemade cookies and lots of Beef Jerky.

Besides that, I got a cool sweater, Canadian Beanie Babies (to commemorate my time here, which is fast coming to an end), TO CATCH A THIEF, RAGING BULL (not to be confused with BULL DURHAM), and Norah Jones.

Plus....I got more wizards.

In this cool little black box (with a rose on it) were three wizards and a dragon. (Not our dragon; I'm sure she wouldn't be shacking up with three men, but a pewter dragon). All of the wizards were holding objects such as these (these are not my wizards; they refused to be photographed, but you get the idea):

I realized what I had on hand: A Wizard Bowling Team! I am currently trying to come up with a cool-ass name for my Wizard Bowling Team. If you have a suggestion, I am all ears.

Oh, and if you feel left out and want to exchange gifts for Dinosaur Present Day (Featuring T-Rex) write and ask me. I can't tell you my address, but I can give you the address of my aunt, who should know how to get it to me, wherever I end up.

Fantasy Football Team Name Update

So, last week I told you I got to rename my Fantasy Football Team, and needed some suggestions. After several terrible ones (thanks guys, for coming through when I needed you), I went with "the Albigensian Crusade." (Right now, 4 of you just laughed, and I love you for it.)

Of course, I had a change of heart based on two of my pewter figurines (more on that in a minute), but with the crappy internet service here at Camp Outlaw I could not change my team name before the first game commenced on Thanksgiving (per league rules). However, seeing as how the League Commish is Bear, and how he hopes his sisters never find out he offered me both of them once for a Chicken Biscuit, I went ahead and changed by team name anyway, even though we were mid-game.

And of course I lost.

But I shouldn't've. If someone had started Joseph Addai like they were supposed to (read: Koz), I would have gotten Addai's 37.80 points instead of Travis Henry's -.60.

The result of this debacle is that not only did I A) Lose, but B) missed out on being the high scorer for the second week in a row, with the second highest total of the season (second only to my total the week before), but C) the loss eliminated me from playoff contention. To add insult to injury, when I mildly complained (not whining, just pointing out that with Addai I'd have been there), the guy who beat me, normally a class act, gives an entire post bent to mocking me. Sadly, I should have known, as no one from Mississippi is ever classy for very long.

Anyway, I'm letting the playoffs go, and for now just focusing on my new team name.

First, let me tell you how it came about. Awhile back (for Hyperion Day, as I recall), I received two pewter figurines, a Faery and a Wizard. I started carrying them around in my pocket for luck, and wouldn't you know it, the Faery seduced the Wizard. If you don't think that's possible, let me show you what they look like.

Tell me you wouldn't be seduced? Unfortunately, the Faery was going up against more than she bargained for, and that ol' crafty Wizard turned her out.

I know; shocking, but it happens.

So, ladies and gentlemen, for the next few weeks, please root cheer (and heck; maybe even pray) for my fantasy football team

FAERY SLUTS & WIZARD PIMPS

Hyperion Wants an Apron

So last night I'm rewatching the end of Rescue Me Season 1 (and if you haven't seen it, WATCH IT NOW). Anyway, uncle Teddy had on an apron that read this:

Of course, now I want one!


In other news, I'm announcing a contest, blantatly ripped off from Chicky Babe (but I don't think she reads me any more, so we should be safe, plus, even if she does, Chicky's Australian, and they are noted wusses).

Anyhoo, you know how when you leave a comment there is a Word Verification code? And it's supposed to be random and everything, but sometimes it spells a word, which reallllly creeps me out. Anyway, I've been storing the most interesting of them, but of course they are all currently on my home computer, which is Light knows where.

So I turn to you. Start saving the more interesting Verification Codes and post them on here. Winner gets 32 Monkey Barn Cool Points.

(This one isn't funny, but I post it anyway for the dumber Monkeys who aren't sure of whence I speak.)

Sorry

Sorry I haven't posted for awhile, but I've literally been unable to stand up without feeling like I was going to pass out since Thanksgiving, a fact that has made my life significantly more interesting than it needed to be.

I promise to be funnier soon.


Tracy Lynn

Sigh

Anyone else feel like this today? No? Sigh.....maybe its just me.

xo,
Dragon

What won't they make a movie of?

This just emailed to me...Jordan Kerner (producer of the new Charlotte's Web) is making a big screen Smurfs movie using Shrek technology. Oh the insanity!

http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=17693

I wonder what it will be like...what the will they include?

Will it be wholesome like the original....

Or will they take another spin on it...

Monkey Barners can only ponder at this time.

Have a "Smurfie" day! (wink wink - nudge nudge)

Good Idea?

So, these two movie trailers rock, but I am totally ambivalent as to whether the movies are the best or worst ideas of the year:

The Simpsons Movie



The Transformers Movie

What say you?

T-H-A-N-K-S-G-I-V-I-N-G

I asked each of the Monkey Barners to come up with things they were thankful for beginning with the letters in the word THANKSGIVING. They came up with some interesting stuff. (Toward the end, when the letters double, we did some "creative" thankfulness.) I think you will enjoy it enough to cry.


T (Bear)

H (Lost Goddess)

A (Koz)

N (Dominique)

K (Lady Jane Scarlett)

S (Schrodinger's Kitten)

G (Dragon)

I ('Chelle)

V (Tracy Lynn)

I (Sea Hag, playing a variation on the theme)

N (Tiff)

G ("ing" words; the whole Barn)


If you are thankful for things, be sure to leave them in the comments!

Now that's one cool Turkey!

To all my favourite Americans, Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy your time with friends and family and don't overdose on the tryptophan.

xo,
Dragon

Fantasy Football - changing of the guard

Guess what?

I scored the most points last weekend in my Fantasy Football league. Not only the most points of any team, but the most points this season!

My team sucks, but for one shining week....

Anyway, the reason I bring this up: The rules are that if your team is the high scorer you can change your team name.

My team was called IRANIAN JEWS FOR JEBUS

Right now I have ISRAELI MUSLIMS FOR BUDDHA, but that's just a place holder. I need a good team name by game time tomorrow.

The more offensive/clever the better.

You people know me. What would be good?

Asking for help,

Hyperion

I am liking to be thanking for Thanksgiving

For the Second “G,” I wanted to mix it up, so I asked the Monkey Barners to send me words that ended in ING that they were thankful for. This is what they came up with. [Any comments I have are in brackets like this]

BEAR
Playing
Living
Seeing
Knowing
Believing
Eating
[It cracks me up that Bear is thankful for belief, since as a scientist that's usually the last block in his wall. Maybe Bear is referring to believing that Schrodinger will one day love him)

DOMINIQUE
Kissing
Holding
Hugging
Knitting
Singing
Listening
Swimming
likely won't make the list but still thankful for...
Necking
Screwing
69ing
[What do you know? They made the list after all, as Dominique blushes a furious red]

LOST GODDESS
bling bling (rings and things)
Sing(ing in the rain)
Spring(the best season-EVER)
Buffalo wings (the hot kind)
Natrual springs (for well, being natural)
String (to tie “things” up with ;)
[From this list it looks like Lost Goddess does a lot of partyING, and if I ever get to go to one I'll be thankful too]

SEA HAG
ING (the bank)
cock rings
plundering
pruning
plumming
****ing

[the ING bank one cracks me up. I asked Sea Hag what the ****ing one was, but she wouldn't say, wanting us to guess. Hmmmmmmmm]

TRACY LYNN
Spelunking
Baby-sitting
Writing
Reading
Peeing
[I am speaking to Tracy Lynn as I write this, and she wants me to emphasize peeing. So again, PEEING]

KOZ [his original list was rejected by management, but if he's brave I suppose he could always put it in the comments]
Passing (the football, before Thanksgiving Dinner)
Eating
Drinking
Passing (gas)
Passing (out on the couch)
[This one is so boring I almost wish I'd kept his first list . Almost]

DRAGON
Breathing
Laughing
Loving
Sighing
Smiling
[I have it on good authority that Dragon sighs like a champ, and that tendrils of smoke come out of her nostrils]

LADY JANE SCARLETT
Panting
Running
Sleeping
Snuggling
Laughing
Driving
Biking
Outvocabularing
Pirating
Looting
[It's too easy, you know?]

TIFF
Sleeping
Swimming
Kissing
Showering

Gardening
Baking
Spring (hee)
"Bling"
Thing(s 1 and 2)
[I like how Sleeping is first for her. And what's up with “Spring” being a joke? I need someone less funny to interpret. Also, I happen to know that Thing 1 and Thing 2 are her kids, so let's all together say Awwwwwwww!]

So that's them. I wanted to add something myself, and for two weeks have been looking for this song I saw on Captain Kangaroo. I only saw the show twice, but both times they had this song at the end, leading me to believe they always played it, yet I have searched high and low without a simple bite, so maybe not. The song was a list of “ING” words that you can do, with video of all these things. The words are sung quickly, so it comes out almost like a music video. I can hum the damn thing, but cannot remember the words, other than I am pretty sure swimming, hiking and biking are in there. At the very end they sing, “There's so much to do, these things are just a few!”

I wanted to end with that video, but since I can't find it (and 98 Monkey Barn points to anyone who can), I will give you my own list. If Audioblogger still worked I'd sing it for you, but feel free to sing along in your own tune, or the Captain Kangaroo one if you happen to remember it.

What I am Thankful for (by Hyperion)

READING FEEDING WATCHING SLEEPING WRITING

TRICKING LICKING CARD PLAYING AND FIGH– I – TING

DRINKING WINKING JOUSTING VERBING

SNEAKING PEAKING (DO NOT DISTURBING)

THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO

THESE THINGS ARE JUST A FEW!

Stupid Blogger

I wasn't finished yet! They only let me post ten I have a few more so here you go.





I think I like them because in some sick twisted way they are all my secrets. Some however more so than others

Post Secret Pick of the Week- Week 6

Okay, so last weeks secrets sucked. Which means I posted none of them. Sure some were good. I just know there is better. The thing is, it is one thing to have the same secret but, its another to tell it the same way. It is like steeling a story and not making it better or even you own for that matter.

As they say in the Lion King,"akuna matata" It gets better. This week is blowing up with great post. I going to list them all. Well all the good ones, at least to me. I might even tell you why I chose them.

Who wants to be a Pirate?

Mark Burnett is looking for a few good pirates for his new show. I think we should get Lady Jane Scarelett to apply to be on the show. The other contestants wouldn't know what hit them. :)

xo,
Dragon

Sloppy second "N"

Sure, sure, sure. I get the second N. The FIRST N list was exhaustive, don't you think? What, you didn't read it?

For shame. Go back and take a look at it, then come back here.

Really, what could I do to compete with THAT?

Fortunately, I don't HAVE to compete, because I was given a rule to play by, and that was that whatever I came up with for my Thanksgiving list had to be in the style of "x 'n' y".

"Pork n' beans," for example. "Strippers n' poles," for another.

So, um, HERE GOES!

Things I'm thankful for that are "something n' something" else, by Tiff

FOOD:

Surf n’ turf

Peanut butter n’ jelly

Salt n’ peppah

Pepperoni n’ sausage

Franks n’ beans

Pie n’ ice cream

DRINK

Rum n’ coke

Bourbon n’ soda (skip the soda)

Black n’ Tans

ENTERTAINMENT

Chutes n’ ladders

Hop, skip n’ jump

Twist n’ shout

Rock n’ roll

Hugs n’ kisses

Twigs n’ berries

In n’ out

Moan n’ groan

RANDOM

This n’ that

Nuts n’ bolts

Soap n’ water

Hopes n’ dreams

Bits n’ pieces

Bells n’ whistles

Life n’ death

Yeah

Tracy Lynn

Girls that make you see Red

[Editor's Note: The following contains pictoral depictions of scantily clad womyn, but these photographic representations are for scientific and theological purposes, and are not in any way meant to demean womyn as a gender, nor be objects of lust. Thank you for your cooperation.]


My favorite Sports Columnist Bill Simmons has this theory that certain women are more dangerous to guys than others. For example, Bill says, guys can say that Ann Hathaway is hot and the does not bother wives and girlfriends, as they find her unthreatening. (Even though she seems to be going out of her way to slut up her image.)

On the other the other hand, this same GF who might say, "Oh, Ann Hathaway is nice" will start dropping F Bombs and throwing things if that same guy says BrittanyMurphy is hot. (Bill also says the same applies to some girl from MTV's The Hills, but never having seen it I am not sure who he meant.)

Anyway, I was watching a movie the other day I'd rather not say that included Amy Smart, and I think she might belong on the second list. Not the most beautiful girl in the world, but when you talk about her to girls, they get mad. I remember once mentioning Amy Smart to my sister, and she immediately trashed the girl's talent, looks, everything. I mean, wow! I just casually mention her and I get a litany back.

I was definitely on to something.


The pictures don't really do her justice. You have to see her in action to understand.

So, what makes a girl threatening to you ladies, and what makes her not? I asked a couple of people for an example of a non-threatening woman, and got Gwyneth Paltrow. Is this true, ladies? If your man said Gwyneth was hot would you be upset?

What about the original non-threatening girl of the '90s: Julia Roberts?

In the end I still need to collect a lot more information. So I throw open the question to the women. What names piss you off when your man says they are hot? What names are you fine with?

And for guys, who are more likely to be honest in this situation, what names have you found your women freaking out over, and what ones pass by without much jealousy at all?

This should be good.

Letter I, The Sequel

Gee, I got stuck with the second letter I. Woo-freakin-hoo. What can I say that hasn't already been said? I mean, all the good, clever stuff is already taken, and the world isn't exactly overrun with a whole lotta awesome I-letter stuff. Igloos? Isosclese triangles? Izod shirts?

Well, if I got screwed over with the redundant I, then I'm gonna rock this out Sea Hag style, your rules and social conventions be damned!

Sea Hag is thankful for (Thanksgiving style):

Star Wars Episode IV- somewhere right now, some little kid is watching this for the first time, and a nerd is born. If that's not cause to celebrate, I don't know what is.

Eye candy-who wouldn't be thankful for some of that hawt stuff?
(Extra credit: Ay papi!- what you say when you see eye candy.)

Hawkeye Pierce- M*A*S*H is one of the best shows ever, and any time I'm flipping channels at 3 a.m. and I find an episode, I'm profoundly grateful.

Firefly- One of the best TV shows that met an untimely death. I am thankful to Joss Whedon for introducing me to the creamy goodness that is Nathan Fillion.

Ryan Adams- I've just gotten into his music (and NO I don't mean Bryan Adams!) and it's good stuff. He's a stupidly talented singer-songwriter capable of incredibly haunting music. If you're ever in the mood for some music to mope to, try 'Blue Sky Blues', 'The Shadowlands' or 'Elizabeth, You Were Born to Play That Part'.

Christmas play- OK, stay with me on this one, it actually does have to do with the letter I. When I was about 5 or 6, there was a Christmas play at the afterschool/daycare place my mom worked at, and I got to be in it. The whole premise was that a bunch of little kids each got to be a letter in the word C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S, and as it turns out, I was, you guessed it, the letter I. Anyway, Letter I runs away and Christmas is ruined and Santa Claus sings a song about it, which went something like:

I, I, where have you wandered to?

You know I've been so fond of you

Haven't I loved you and blah blah blah I forgot

I, won't you please come home now?

So I got to make my big entrance and run up on the stage and say something about running away to Florida because it was warmer than the North Pole. As I remember, one of the kids in the play got sick and my mom had to stand in for him. I think she was the T. I'm thankful that I got to be the star of the show for one time in my life, and I'm thankful that I can even remember any of that, in spite of my attempts to kill off many brain cells with sweet, sweet alcohol.

Love,

Sea Hag

What I Am Thankful For - V

No thesaurus was used in the making of the post.

Valor - of our men and women in the military
Virtue - the everyday kind
Velocity - without which, I achieve nothing
Veracity - the active side of Truth
Villainy - cuz I find that shit amusing
Vibrating Pillow - if you don't have one, you won't understand. If you do, no explanation is necessary.
Vespa - Hol just won one, but I get to ride it
Vanilla - the base for all things delicious
Vanguard - cuz I'm SO on it
Vituperation - so I can deal with Hyperion and all the other people who work my nerve
Vociferousness - sort of speaks for itself, doesn't it?

Happy Thanksgiving, kids.






Tracy "Lord of Linguistics" Lynn

What I'm Thankful for - I

Icarus - for daring to dream he could fly higher.
Ice cream - :)
Idealism - my source of hope.
I think, therefore I am - self awareness and dualism.
Ireland - I loved being there.
Imagination - for which, I am eternally tortured and blessed.
Isaac Newton - My lack of coordination proves the law of gravity over and over again.
Intelligence - the part of my mind that keeps me from insanity.
Intimacy - yum.
Irony - Without irony, I may not laugh as much, if ever.
Internet - I learn something everyday and electronically meet people who encourage me and challenge me to be imaginative. (Yes, I am talking about you Monkey Barners.)

Love, Chelle

Ross the Intern visits the fire house

http://john.textamerica.com/?r=5177258

I think we should try sending Hypie on a such a trip with a camera :-)

The Brown Bag

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a Brooklyn construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.
She walked up to the group and with a big smile said: "Do you men know Jesus Christ?"

They shook their heads and looked at each other. One of the workers looked up into the steelwork and yelled "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"

One of the steelworkers yelled down a "Yea. Why?"

The worker yelled back, "His wife's here with his lunch."

What I'm thankful for..... letter G

Goddess
Gardens
Games
Glances
Greediness
Groans
Gifts
Grope
Glisten
Grabbing
Gyrations
Grins
Glowing
Generosity
Getaways
Glimmers
Giddiness
Gentleness
G-spot
Gloves
Gasps
Gushes
Geishas
Grinding
Giving
Gazes

love,
Dragon

We're going to Hoff YOU up

I know you want a bit o' the Hoff...especially you Tiff! Hmmmm, furry chests. I'm inspired.

Furry Chest Haiku

Go where Nair treads not
The male chest, a regal sight
Entangled fingers

:) LJS

Is your Betty ready?

Now no one will be able to tell if you're a true blonde or not. Betty will keep your secret.

xo,
Dragon

ThankSgiving

Things I'm thankful for, that begin with the letter S:

Skeetball

Sado-masochism

Sailing with the Captain

Sausage

Saber-toothed Tigers

Sachmo

Satin Sheets (+2 points)

Sex on the Beach

San Francisco

Slim Shady (+2)

Samurai

Samuel L. Jackson

Safety Dance

Sailboats

Sandwiches

Sand

really big Salads

Shatner

South Park

Second Base

Severus Snape (+2)

and...

Space-docking.

Vidalia Onion Pie

Try something a little Southern on Turkeyday (besides deep frying that bad boy)

1 cup chopped vidalia onions
2 cups crushed Ritz crackers
1/2 cup melted butter
1 can cream of mushroom roasted garlic soup
1 (8 oz) container sour cream

* combine melted butter w/ the crushed Ritz
* with 1 1/2 cups of the cracker mixture, press into a 9 in pie pan (or casserole dish)
* mix the chopped onions w/ the soup and sour cream
* pour mixture into the cracker pie crust and sprinkle the remaining crushed crackers on to the mix
* bake at 350 for 30 - 40 mins (or until the mixture begins to bubble and the onions are soft)

Gobble Gobble y'all :-)

One for the the Ladies

xo,
Dragon

New Math Formula

For those who don't want to sit down and read a "relationship" book, here is a mathematician’s take on women.

xo,
Dragon

What I am thankful for -K

Sponsored by the Letter K

Kisses: From a peck to a passionate kiss that lasts for days, kisses are wonderful!

Kindness: I think that if we each did one random act of kindness, our little world be a better home.

Karma: For when people aren’t very kind, and for when they are…

Kansas: Home of most of the nation’s nut jobs, I’m thankful they’re centrally located and far far away from me.

Kilauea: An active volcano on the Big Island, going to visit it reminded me how cool nature is.

Kaida! She took over the Monkey Barn when we needed a swift kick in the collective butt, so thanks for being a tough (but tender) cookie.

K (as in Potassium): Without K, we’d all be dead!

Kittens: They’re so small and adorably fuzzy, every time I see one, I smile.

Kernels: Of popcorn!!!

Lady Jane's Scarlett Chili

Now that the weather is getting cooler, a bit o' chili is much needed elixir. And, I wanted to share my chili recipe with y'all.
:) LJS

Post Secret Pick of the Week- Week 5

You all know what time it is.... Yes it's time for me to bored you, no commenting fools, with yet another one of my post secret picks.

Okay so this wasn't the best week for post secrets...Maybe they don't want to be repetitive with the same ol' secrets, but those are some of the best ones!!! What is a matter with you people. Send them the goods!!! I need to be tied off!!! ...........................And we're back....With Harry Plams! Sorry there, I weirded out there for a minute. Its ok now the world is better.

And now for my post secret pick of the week