Monkey Barn Interviews (II)

[My second Monkey Barn Interview is with Lady Jane Scarlett, who has her own site. (Creatively called Lady Jane Scarlett's Den. Seriously: go visit.) The interview was conducted via Yahoo Messenger, and at least one of us wasn't wearing many clothes....]

Hyperion: Welcome back, Hyperion Nation, to another edition of “Get to know your Monkey Barner.” Today we are with Lady Jane Scarlett, popular member, and a contributor for a few months now. Lady Jane, first let me ask you: how did you feel when you first got the call to join the Barn?

Lady Jane Scarlett: I was excited, I was honored. I had been reading the Hyperion Chronicles since it was just an email from Hypey, and always thought that he was an interesting character; someone who challenged what I thought at times, someone who plucked thoughts from my head at others. Besides, Dominique was a part of the Barn and I was excited to be doing something fun and creative with her. To be part of a project with these two folks was just the outlet I needed for my creativity.

Hyperion: What a great answer! (sniff sniff). Keeping it sentimental....why pirates?

Lady Jane Scarlett: I had stumbled upon a webpage that talked about how pirates are responsible for keeping global warming in check, and I thought that it would be great fun to be a pirate in my spare time. I got Lord Mullett hooked on being a pirate also, I can't imagine sailing the open seas with anyone else. During last Christmas break, we were at a museum where they had pirate hats and he gave me the name Lady Jane Scarlett. I still have the hat.

Hyperion: Touching. Here's one for your wheelhouse: Can Monkey Barn save the world? If so, how?

Lady Jane Scarlett: No, I don't think the Monkey Barn can save the world. But, it sure makes the journey down the cosmic toilet that much more enjoyable.

Hyperion: says you! Anyway, speaking of the cosmic journey, if you had to wipe one country off the map, who would it be?

Lady Jane Scarlett: Heh. I don't think that I would wipe one country off the map would solve any of the world's problems. Change has to be made for the people, by the people. I had thought about this earlier: what are the root causes that lead people to use terrorism versus nonviolent resistance. My conclusions are still too disjointed and too long to share here, but it's interesting to think about eh?

Hyperion: Bwawk Bwawk Bwawk Bwawk Bwawk Bwawk!

Lady Jane Scarlett: Can I toss out an ASSHAT here?

Hyperion: You may not. We'll move along, to save you the embarrassment of your total failure to answer the question, and ask this: If the Monkey Barn was a clubhouse, where we all met after school, what would your Monkey Barn Clubhouse Nickname be?

Lady Jane Scarlett: I'd be Scooter Pigtails, because it sounds fun. Just like me!

Hyperion: Scooter Pigtails. I'm going to hold you to that. Okay, ten years ago, those who knew you best would describe you in one word with: ______. Today, that word would be _______ and ten years from now, that word will be ____________.

Lady Jane Scarlett: Ten years ago, I think that people would describe as nerdy. Today, that word is smart. Ten years from now, that word will be wise. The same thing, but more refined names. I wonder if things ever truly change. If they don't, then I'm surely happy that Tracy Lynn has that bodacious rack.

Hyperion: What a fountain of sagacious wit you are! Okay, last question (and you can't duck this one like others might)....If you had to sleep with one member of Monkey Barn, who would it be?

Lady Jane Scarlett: Well, we all know that I have soft spot in my pink spot for Tobias. But since he gone and left me, I have no choice but to take refuge in the arms of Philogynist. A quiet man, he never contributes to the Barn for fear that his massive crush on me will be revealed. But, I know that he wants me. They all do.

Hyperion: I'd always wondered what his problem was! That concludes our questions for Lady Jane Scarlett. Join us again next time when we ask, "What's in Your Barner?"

[Hyperion’s note: after reading “soft spot in my pink spot,” Tobias begged on his knees for half an hour to be let back into the Barn, and, despite my better judgment, I agreed. However, now that I know LJS is in love with Philogynist, his days are numbered.]