Monkey Barn Interviews (IV)

[Tracy was the second interview completed, but I kept her in reserve for Friday to run concurrent with Ask HAT, a weekly advice column the two of us do together. Obviously I think very highly of Tracy (but don't tell her that). Tracy's Home site is Kaply Inc. This interview was conducted on Google Chat, and both of us had clothes on....supposedly]

Hyperion: Welcome to another edition of "Get to know your Monkey Barner!" I'm here today with Tracy Kaply, a more recent edition to the Barn. How are you today, Miss Kaply?

Tracy Lynn: What do you mean by that?

Hyperion: And I see we're ready to go, so let's get right to it. Question 1: Why did you agree to join the Monkey Barn in the first place?

Tracy Lynn: Well, it looked like a lot of fun. I started by reading it, then I began commenting on the last getting to know you quiz, and suddenly I'm a Monkey Barner and I'm taking orders from you on a regular basis. Or not taking orders from you on a regular basis. Whatever.

Hyperion: I've never known a woman to do what you tell them to. Next question: Tracy Kaply is a fairly normal name, but you know how cruel kids can be. What were some of the nicknames kids teased you with growing up?

Tracy Lynn: Honestly, I have never had a nickname. My family calls me Tracy Lynn, but everyone else just calls me Tracy. And Kaply is actually a very unusual name. If you meet anyone with that name, they are definitely related to me by blood or marriage.

Hyperion: Wow. Hard to believe you didn't engender some wicked insults growing up. (Probably said them behind your back if they knew what was good for them.) Moving on, if the Monkey Barners had a baseball team (the Monkey Barn Morons, natch), what position would you play?

Tracy Lynn: I'd have to be the catcher. I'm just way too bossy to play any other position.

Hyperion: (must resist urge to make obvious "used to having balls thrown at your head" joke. Make it up to the Sam Kinnison's ghost later....), Uh, next question: Where is Tracy Lynn in 10 years?

Tracy Lynn: Dude, if I'm not dead, I'll be doing really well. I hope to have a new kidney by then, to be in Seattle, and to be doing more stuff with my partner in appalling jackassery. It would be nice if there were money to be made out of it, too.

Hyperion: I'm assuming that's your way of roundabout proposing marriage. I'll get back to you after the interview, which brings us to our next question: If the Monkey Barn was actually a big clubhouse we went to after school to play cards and make cool hats, what would the password be to get in?

Tracy Lynn: EAT THE BABY!!!!

Hyperion: I just laughed so hard that I sneezed skittles. Not often that happens! Let's finish this before I get incontinent. What is something everyone should know about Tracy Lynn? What is something no one should know?

Tracy Lynn: Yes, I do actually have a real violent past. Sometimes, I sing songs to my cats.

Hyperion: (but which answer is to which question?????) Finally Miss Lynn, and please, feel free to go into as much detail as possible, if you had to sleep with one other Monkey Barner (not "sleep" sleep but the "Spring symphony"), who would it be and why?

Tracy Lynn: I'm sorry, I've already answered seven questions, eight if you include the 'How are you?'. You have reached your limit, pal.

Hyperion: Total cheat!

Tracy Lynn: Life isn't fair, buddy.

Hyperion: And that's all the time we have with Tracy Lynn, who for obvious Hyperion-related reasons prefers not to answer the final question (which is totally understandable). Let's all give Tracy Lynn a big round of applause and join us here again soon when we continue to find out, "What's in your Barner?"