Monkey Barn Interviews (IX)

[Today's Monkey Barn Interview is with Ajax, an original member. This interview was conducted live at Denny's, and Ajax wanted me to point out that he got out of bed to come there at six in the morning, so he may not have been at his best. I think he did fine, but then again, I always cut him a few breaks, because I know he feels bad that his wife likes to see movies with me. Enjoy]

Hyperion: Welcome Freaks and Frizzards once again to “Get to know your Monkey Barner.” I’m here today with Ajax, an original homie from back in the day. Ajax: come the Revolution, what position do you want to hold in the New World Order?

Ajax: Colonel of the Secret Police. C’mon, man: I’ve been talking to you about this for years. Not the guy who sits beside the road with a radar gun, but the guy who “disappears” the enemies of the Fur…I mean Hyperion.

Hyperion: I’ll goose-step you! Next: how are you like a mighty Greek warrior? How are you like a cleanser?

Ajax: Well, I have the body of a Greek Warrior…How am I like a cleanser? See the first question.

Hyperion: That’s all you, sugartits. Moving on, what’s your favorite post you’ve ever seen on Monkey Barn?

Ajax: the pieces I’m the most proud of are the Israel/Lebanese rants, mostly because they weren’t intended to be comedic, but were instead as cathartic pieces…like I’d put them in a journal. And getting the Hyperion front page props…..well!

Hyperion: Way to pick yourself! Actually, those are the best posts of the year period, so I got nothin’ but love for you. What’s your personal motto or, what phrase defines you?

Ajax: “A patient, thoughtful, analytical person is made invisible in this world of sustained screaming.” (Jerry Herron) It defines my personal philosophy. It’s harder and harder for non-hysterical person to be heard in this day and age.

Hyperion: But which one are you?

Ajax: You’re still mad about Yoda, aren’t you?

Hyperion: Grrr. Next (before I explode), we’re in the Monkey Barn Clubhouse, and you get to pick the first three movies we’re going to watch. What are they?

Ajax: Charlie’s Angels…

Hyperion: Does anyone know you’re here?

Ajax: Why?

Hyperion: ‘Cause if I killed you for picking that, and you disappeared, no one will come ask me.

Ajax: Okay, okay. I’d start with SLC PUNK, take it up a notch with SAVING PRIVATE RYAN, and end the evening with something sweet and romantic...THANK YOU FOR SMOKING.

Hyperion: See, you’re married, so you don’t have to try to get laid. But some of us need some help, and those movies aren’t going to do it. In the past I’ve declared “deck” to be the new cool. What if you had to come up with the word for cool. What would it be?

Ajax: It would be a Canadian classic: Good’er. As in, “That’s a good’er.”

Hyperion: That’s just dumb enough to catch on. (Note to Monkey Barn. NO! DANGEROUS! HURT THE BABY!) Last question, and please, take it seriously: right now, sitting here in Denny’s: tell the world what you’re wearing, and what you’d like to be.

Ajax: I’m wearing a burlap thong. I’m happy with my choice, but I gotta say, I wish it were satin.

Hyperion: And that’ll do it. Join us next time when we ask once again, “What’s in Your Barner?”