Monkey Barn Interviews (III)

[Today's Monkey Barn interview is with the Kitten herself, Schrödinger. Check out her hilarious website, Schrödinger's Kitten. The interview was conducted on Yahoo IM, and even though the interviewee threatened to be pissy it turned out to be a hilarious good time.]

Hyperion: I'm here with the divine Miss S. as we play another edition of "Get to Know your Fellow Monkey Barner. Schrödinger, first question: how has Monkey Barn made you a better woman?

Schrödinger: Despite my photos, Schrödinger was a man...so, clearly Monkey Barn has helped me unmask my Freudian issues. I also now know that pirates are better than ninja - a fact that will help me in the frequent real world rumbles I encounter. Rumbles like West Side Story. But with better clothes. Hmmm...what else? I think Monkey Barn has exposed me to a world of dementia (no offense) that makes me feel like a more NORMAL woman. So self-esteem has skyrocketed - thanks guys!

Hyperion: On that same subject, explain to the readers (especially the ones too stupid to read your archives) the origins of the "Schrödinger" name

Schrödinger: Erwin Schrödinger was an Austrian physicist who won the Nobel for Schrödinger’s equation in quantum mechanics. It's a 'cat thought experiment' which has become known in physics circles as 'Schrödinger’s Cat' paradox. The basic experiment demonstrates that quantum mechanics is incomplete when you transfer the idea from subatomic to the real world. A cat is sealed in a box with a radioactive nucleus and poison. If the nucleus decays, the particle emitted will trigger the poison and kill the cat. If the nucleus does not decay, then the cat is fine. According to QM, the nucleus exists in dual states - decayed and undecayed - simultaneously....meaning the cat must exists in those same states - alive and dead - simultaneously. Clearly this is not the case, and the cat exists in one state or the other. The purpose of this is to illustrate that QM is incomplete. So anyway...now that you're bored to death: I did my senior thesis on this in college, presenting it to faculty. I rocked, being that I had spiffy graphics and the presence of a stand up comic. I have since gone on into another field, and feel like I exist dual-state. I am also a paradox :^) Hence the spin-off into Schrödinger’s kitten and my blog/name.

Hyperion: well, I'm glad we have one smart person on board to counteract all the dead weight! Moving on, if we were going to do an All-Monkey Barn cast production of Grease, and an all-MB production of Star Wars, which character would you want to play in each?

Schrödinger: I am a virgin blonde, lol, so I get to be Sandy. In Star Wars, I'm going to say....Ewok #4. Of course I'd LIKE to be Han, but I just can't pull off the tight pants like he can. And really...Leia is a bitch. Sorry boys.

Hyperion: Sacrilege! But, speaking of tight pants, what are you wearing right now?

Schrödinger: How did I know this would come up? I have a very nice pair of Strawberry PJs on.

Schrödinger: Not slutty at all.

Schrödinger: Nope.

Schrödinger: They do have lips on them EATING the berries, so maybe that's a bit tacky.

Schrödinger: Ok, I'm a whore.

Hyperion: that reminds me of the time I was caught..."in a jam...." Next: If there was a Monkey Barn Clubhouse, where we all went after school, what would our theme song be?

Schrödinger: sigh. Bad pun. Ok...clubhouse. I think our theme song would have to be O Rey Paalan Harre, a Hindi Bollywood song, which loosely translates to 'Den of Infidels dancing to Brady Bunch while wearing underoos'. Specific, I know...I was amazed it wasn't a hit. And it's catchy.

Hyperion: I'll look for P. Diddy to start sampling it any day now. Okay so Schro: what are three words that people don't usually use to describe you, but dammit, they better start!

Schrödinger: Sugartits, effervescent, and pleasant.

Hyperion: Works for me! Finally--and this is the serious question--if you had to commission a tastefully erotic painting of one of the Monkey Barners, who would it be and why?

Schrödinger: I'm going to say Tracy...since she's got smoking glasses - and could be the new Katherine Hepburn. On a tiger rug. With only 4 inch patent stilettos. mmmm...nice. I know you wanted me to say you...but Tracy needed coaxing. I predict you'll get an erotic painting of yourself anyway. And I will enjoy them both. Simultaneously. Mmmm.....

Hyperion: Well Then! That's all the time we have for today. Thanks to our lovely Schrödinger, and please join us next time on "What's in Your Barner?"