As you are all aware, I am the winner of the coveted seventh slot in the Monkey Barn. You are no doubt thinking, how did that woman with those firm, shapely thighs win? What did she promise Hyperion that I didn't? I saw most of the submissions, and I can tell you, there was some crazy stuff: first-born children, various naughty pleasures, money, the antidote, the list goes on and on.
So what did I promise? Well, let me give you a little Sea Hag history. Hyperion and I have known each other for over 12 years. And, of course, in knowing someone for that long, you tend to witness certain 'events' that could seriously tarnish one's reputation later on if the public were to ever find out. Now, you may be thinking, if Sea Hag knows of some skeletons in Hyperion's closet, then Hyperion must have some dirt on her as well. This is true, except for one cruical thing: Sea Hag took pictures.
And there you have it. My secret to winning was...blackmail.
(As side note, I long-ago promised Hyperion my first-born child. I don't even remember what it was that made me promise him such a thing, but it was either so mind-blowingly awesome that my brain simply couldn't handle it and momentarily shut down, or it was so incredibly stupid that I willingly forgot so I wouldn't want to jump off a bridge later on.)
So what have we learned today? That flattery and empty promises won't get you anything (but thank you for that compliment about my thighs!) and that my silence can be bought for a reasonable price.