My football team sucks

So last week my fantasy football team got beat like a Republican running in San Francisco. Terribly. Most seasons when the NFL comes around I’m all excited, thinking my team is the best. (Most people think that or they wouldn’t have made the draft picks they did.) This year I hated my team from the start. I initially named them Snuggle Bear Pussy Posse to punish them. I hate the Snuggle Bear, as you all know, and I felt my team was a bunch of pussies.

Some how my team thrived each week. In fact, one week I was the highest scorer in the league, which, under league rules, allowed me to change my team name. I chose My Lovely Lady Lumps, after that horrible Black Eyed Peas song I hate. Scroll down and see why.

Secretly, I assumed my team would be high scorer once again and I’d finally give them a good name.

This hasn’t come close to happening. Some how I made it to 6-2, and the wheels started to come off. I lose my best player, Priest Holmes, and then last week, not only am the low scorer, (which hurts in the mythical “Shadow Championship, that pits each team against all 11 other teams to see how they would have fared if the league were set up that way), but to add insult to injury, I was Frenchified by my friend Laureate.

In year 2 I came up with a rule idea soon adopted: each week the team who gets beaten the worst on the field of battle has to wear the French flag as his logo until the next game is over. It looks like this:

Getting beat is one thing, but getting beat like I’m French…the humanity.

This week isn’t faring much better. Bear (it’s his league but he’s always terrible) is on track to beat me unless I pull a miracle tonight on MNF, which will leave me 6-4 and only a game in first place. Can I hang on to make the playoffs? I doubt it, but I’ll keep you posted.