Customer....Service

So,

Just a while ago my Internet service went out. This is bad. You all know how much I depend on that. I have SUCH a full week planned for you ingrates, and I was loathe to have it all come tumbling down.

So I called the Customer Service Center with some trepidation. Sometimes they are very helpful and sometimes it's like pulling teeth. Last time, for example, I got this Euro-Chick who refused to tell me where she was from, made fun of Canadians (I know; shooting fish in a barrel, but the point is, she thought I was Canadian), and told me she was located in Pakistan. I later found out this wasn't true. Oh, and she mocked my computer abilities, which aren't that great, as you all know. Total hatred.

This time I got a girl with a voice that sounded like smoky velvet. I immediately told her that she could use her voice to make much more money if she wanted to. It then occurred to me that A) not the most appropriate comment to someone who's supposed to help me and B) these calls were monitored.

I quickly backpedaled, claiming I meant telemarketing, but she'd gotten my original meaning and was laughing in that smoky velvet way. She told me the call wasn't being monitored. Heck, if she was enterprising, she could make money on the side while working in Technical Support.

Anyway, we tried a number of solutions. At one point, she accused me of purposely being dense and not making it work, just so I could stay on the phone longer with her. Perish the thought. I said, "I'll have you know that wouldn't make up computer distress just to hear your voice. I'm perfectly capable of coming up with other lies for that purpose."

Eventually (obviously, as you're reading this), we got it fixed. Then I had to come up with a name for her so I could write about this. "What's the most beautiful name in the world?" I asked. We brainstorm's. "I could use Helen of Troy." I said. "I'm sure she opened her mouth a few times for Paris."

She starts laughing in that husky way. "To talk to him!" I yelled. She said, "My mind is so close to the gutter already that it doesn't take much."

I decided on Esmerelda Villalobos. Doesn't it seem like a woman with that name would have a great voice? That's her alias from here on. Now, if I could just figure out a way to make sure I talked to her each time....is there any way to do that?