Model internet dating questionnaire

1. Do you chew your mashed potatoes?

A: Only when lumpy.

2. If terrorists got their hands on massive quantities of a toxicbiological agent and threatened to release it, exterminating all lifeon earth, unless you had sex with a internationally famous person ofthe same gender, who would you choose to save the world with?

A: This is a tough one, but I think I would go with Tom Cruise. It’s about time that someone screwed those damn Scientologists (for the purpose of this hypothetical, I’m a top). If there was time for an emergency operation, however, I would get a sex change so that I could save the world with Jessica Alba.

3. What words or phrase would you like displayed on your tombstone (assumingyou had one)?

A: Citius. Altius. Fortius.
P.S. Drinking and boating don’t mix!

4. If you had to name your child after food, what would you callhim/her?

A: For a boy: T-bone. For a girl: Romaine.

5. What's your super hero power?

A: I can fly to another city in like, under 4 hours.

6. Do I know what rhetorical means?

A: Don’t you think I know the meaning of a word as common as rhetorical?
Well, don’t you? Answer me, damnit!

7. Do you think that the FCC should develop V-Chips that allow adults to block tv programs from even themselves, thereby preventing theirwatching 2 Seinfeld reruns, followed by 3 hours of Law and Order?

A: Um, yes. Preferably before finals start.

8. What fairy tale best describes your life so far and what character are you?

A: Humpty Dumpty. I’m one of the King’s horses.

9. When somebody uses a word that you don't understand, what do you do? Do you ignore it and nod your head, or do you simply absquatulate and look it up in the dictionary?

A: I just assume that I can figure out the meaning from the context, then immediately start using the word myself. “A young trophy wife, in the parlance of our times….”

10. If you were a piñata, what would you be full of?

A: Starbursts, mood rings, and Vicodin.