A little quid pro quo, Clarice?

1. Do you chew your mashed potatoes?
I do. When Doc Brown on CSI finds a case where someone has drowned on garlic mashed, I know I'll be vindicated.

2. If terrorists got their hands on massive quantities of a toxic biological agent and threatened to release it, exterminating all life on earth, unless you had sex with a internationally famous person of the same gender, who would you choose to save the world with?
DJ Qualls. He looks... ah... smaller. And I hear he's jewish.

3. What words or phrase would you like displayed on your tombstone (assuming you had one)?
Is this is one of those Zen things, where you're supposed to know the answer before you're asked the question? Because I feel I'm only minutes away from Nirvana here. Back with the answer in... OMMMMMMMMMMMMM....... OMMMMMMMMMMM........ Ah. The answer to the secret of the universe, grasshopper, is 'Wax on. Wax off.' Go in peace.

4. If you had to name your child after food, what would you call him/her?
Tiramisu. So he could write a song called, 'A Boy Named Tiramisu' without getting sued by Johnny Cash's estate.

5. What's your super hero power?
Self-confidence. At the peak of my powers, I sucessfully used the pick-up line, 'Listen, I'm so confident, you'd be crazy NOT to date me.', on a complete stranger. Of course, parenthood does take some of the starch out of the spandex...

6. Do you know what rhetorical means?
... Sorry, did you want an answer to that?

7. Do you think that the FCC should develop V-Chips that allow adults to
block tv programs from even themselves, thereby preventing their watching 2
Seinfeld reruns, followed by 3 hours of Law and Order?
I think there ought to be a V-Chip that activates, self-actualizes, and personally hunts down and terminates Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie with a laser-sighted Colt .45 any time anyone over the age of twelve watches The Simple Life.

8. What fairy tale best describes your life so far and what character are you?
Beauty and The Beast. But if anyone else calls my wife a beast, I'll rip your lungs out. (Thank you Jack Nicholson).

9.When somebody uses a word that you don't understand, what do you do? Do you ignore it and nod your head, or do you simply absquatulate and look it up in the dictionary?
That would depend on what our definition of 'is' is. (Thank you Bill Clinton)

10. If you were a piñata, what would you be full of?
'I Voted For Pedro' T-Shirts.