But for that one word.....

Okay, so I was reading this post over at Kapgar, about working with a 17 year old girl.

Now, in my defense, I am realllllly tired. Anyway, Kevin works at a gym, so I thought he wrote "working out" with a 17 year old girl, not "working with," as in the front desk. Big difference.

I left a comment:

I can't believe you wrote an entire post about working out with a 17
year old girl and didn't mention how great it is to work out with a 17
year old girl. You, sir, are a better man than I.

Kevin wrote back:

I wasn't working out with her, I was working with her. We were in charge of
the front desk at out gym. Plus, I'd rather not redflag my blog with the
FBI.

The lesson here, as always: I'm an idiot.

Wendy's Salad Dilemma

I'm totally torn about Wendy's new salads.

On the one hand, they do look, um, sensational.

On the other hand, the commercials are so bad (with the blonde girl saying "Sensational!" fifteen times in 30 seconds), that honor demands I boycott the salads. Sigh. Why do prinicples and greeny roughage have to butt heads so often?

Moral Dilemma

The teller gave me too much change back. I was faced with a moral dilemma. Should I give the money back, or go ahead with the bank robbery as planned.
Well I guess my conscience caught up with me, because he came into the bank completely out of breath. "There you are." said my conscience. I gave back the extra change and we went out for some sodas.

Opinions are like undies

S0, I was talking to a friend – giving her some encouragement, she really has come a long way, which I told her - and she replied….

Lavender: you are so sweet I wish more ppl seen me the way you do

While I can be a bit of a Pollyanna – this got me to thinking and I came up w/ a different view on opinions / how people view others – so I says to her….
Domie: some ppl see the negative and that's all
Domie: others don't change their mind enough
Domie: opinions are like underwear - gotta change 'em sometimes
Domie: other times just not have them (free bird it!) :-D

Ajax's QotD: No lumps of coal around here

What was the absolute coolest Christmas gift you ever got as a kid? No sharsies with other siblings, no group gifts. Something with your name on it, straight from the North Pole. Bonus points if you actually throught Santa brought to for you.

Aside from the Ajax-household-traditional carton of cigarettes on Christmas morning, one Christmas long ago I got the Star Wars AT-AT, probably better known to the non-twerpy folks who watched The Empire Strikes Back and marvelled at the ultraasskicking snowwalkers, which sent the Rebel dogs running for their lives. A great big awkward gray lump of noise-making, battery-operated plastic, also known as the best present evah!

Now here's a Revolution we all can support

Viva La Revolucion!

H

And I would walk 500 more

I'm so ashamed to be so un-pirate like, but I can't help it. I was wondering from y'all what was the nicest thing that anyone's done for you? Walked 500 miles?

Google Idol

I could not stop laughing at these this morning. Check out Google Idol (half way down the page) and vote for your favourite. This is the reason webcams were invented!

I voted for The Back Dormitory Boys' version of "As long as you love me" by The Back Street Boys but Pomme and Kelly's version of Aretha Franklin's "Respect" is stellar.

Enjoy!
Dragon

Apple battle

The Beatles' record label Apple Corps has accused Apple Computer in court of breaching a trademark agreement by selling music.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/4854408.stm

Heist Reminder

Just a reminder that Heist is on tonight, in the old Law & Order time slot.

Aitch

Dudes, Tobias here. I think someone ratted me out to Hyperion. He’s been acting awful ‘spicious. The only reason I could hop on now is that he went looking for his bat to beat me with. I have so many things to post, but I have to be careful.

Shit, here he comes! Gotta go.

The Simpsons

If you didn't watch The Simpsons Sunday night, what's the matter with you?

Anway, in case you're a heathen, here's a look at the live-action opening.

Aitch

Ajax's QotD: Because the volume of responses demand it

In retrospect, what would you say was the worst fashion decision you ever made, on the basis that it was horribly trendy at the time?

I myself had several pairs of acid wash jeans I wore through most of the 1980s, along with a matching acid wash denim jacket. And a thin, pink leather tie.

Ajax's Question of the Day: Bringing the heavies out...

The Question:

Death With Dignity, or Sanctity Of Life?

Speaking personally, I feel a personal responsibility to miserly grasp every moment of lucid conciousness. But when lucid conciousness is no longer possible... it becomes a much grayer sort of area.

Ajax's Question of the Day: The Dinner Party

You'll have to forgive me, this is an old one. Its been a long weekend. And not just because of all the hotties on Spring Break.

The question is:

You're throwing a dinner party for eight, plus yourself (and a significant other, where applicable). The eight people invited can be anyone, living or dead. For the purposes of this question literary, movie, and television characters are NOT considered dead. Only the living and once living may be invited. As well, for purposes of simplicity, we assume a single common, shared language will be used by all attendees. Whom do you invite?

I would invite religious icons, along with the folks I feel most likely to benefit from being in their prescence.
Mohammed, representing Islam: President Ahmadinejad (of Iran), Ismail Haniyah (leader of the new Hamas Palestinian Government), and King Abdullah (Saudi Arabia). (apologies for any incorrect or misspelled names).
Jesus of Nazareth, representing Christianity: Pope Benedict XVI (Catholic), Pat Robertson (oh yes indeedy, U.S.A.), and Pastor Jim Marshall (Canada, formerly U.S.A.).

Now you're saying to yourself, putting Benny, and Pat at the table (I wanted to sneak George Walker Bush in as a waiter, but I think that sort of thing might be held against me later) might make a certain kind of 'Let He Who Is Without Sin Cast The First Stone' sort of sense, who the heck is this Jim Marshall fellow? Well, I'll just say that of all the christians I've known, Pastor Jim is one of the few folks I think who would be able to sit easily through that meal, and enjoy the conversation as it comes.

See you tomorrow.

Questions from last week

I just wanted to say that we had a lot of good questions last week, especially by Ajax. Plus there was a Music Meme taken from Claire that is fun too. If you weren’t around last Friday scroll down and answer them; you’ll be glad you did.

Hyperion

Tobias here. As most of you know, Hyperion has cruelly and unfairly kicked me off Monkey Barn. However, even though he's now posting again, I happen to know that he's not reading Monkey Barn in order to try to honor his stupid "giving up Monkey Barn for Lentils" thing.

So, while Hyperion is monitoring whether or not I post, the chances that he'd re-look at one of his posts is slim. Which means, I can come in and post over his boring words (I mean, did you see what was above there? Get a room why don't you!) with my totally radical ones.

Just make sure you don't tell him, or the jig is up. I know everyone missed me, and I'm here to say and back and ready to piss you all off all over again. I love you all just the much. (Especially the ladies, who are more than welcome to come over here and find out just how much.)

Heist Encore

I'm not sure why I keep harping on this, but if NBC can, I guess I can do my part.

I told you last week about a new show HEIST, airing Wednesday nights in Law & Order's slot. NBC ran an encore Friday trying to get people on board.

Well, they are running a second encore tonight. It won't interfere with 24 or anything, but should be afterward. Anyway, check it out if you're interested.

H

Sea Hag is sick. Again.

You know what the worst part about being sick is? I mean, besides the copious amounts of phlegm and non-sexy hacking and coughing? It's the overwhelming amount of crazy remedies that people suggest to you. Most have to do with disgusting combinations of food or alcohol. Yesterday a friend of mine told me to eat raw garlic or raw ginger. I suppose this doesn't really cure anything, but temporarily diverts your attention from your cold to your uncontrollable puking. I've also been told repeatedly to drink a few shots of whisky, also with the same intention of making me concentrate on barfing instead of boogers.

So far chamomile tea with lots of honey has made me feel better. But I think it's because I love the Celestial Seasonings bear on the package of tea and not the tea itself.

love (and snot)
Sea Hag

The Squid and the Whale

This is a movie I had never heard of before tonight. I'm not sure if Hyp has reviewed this movie but if he has someone please link to it in the comments. Anyway best movie you've never heard of, and it has a stellar cast. Yes there is a Baldwin in the movie - but isn't that true of every movie? It takes a real life look at how divorce affects families. It takes a different approch by giving you the perspective of each member of the family and how it affects them individually. I'm not sure why this movie didn't do better at the box office except maybe it was in limited release? Anyway if you haven't seen it - do, if you have seen it let us know what you thought.

Foxy

Many words have been very popular and trendy and then fallen out of style. Foxy is one of those words. I say Foxy is now poised for a comeback. I for one am starting to use it - at first just to get a laugh but now it is slowly working it's way into my vocabulary. Try it you might like it.

Connecting the Dots and Prequelitis

A couple of days ago I saw V for Vendetta, which I did enjoy, but I'll leave the movie reviews to the Hypester. There's one thing I noticed, though, that kinda bugged me. In fact, it bugs me whenever a movie (or video game) does this. For whatever reason, the creators think the audience can't make simple connections, even if it's subtle. WARNING: MINOR SPOILER AHEAD. In the movie, they throw this image of V coming out of fire at you, oh, I don't know, perhaps four times. He's screaming in pain and holding his arms to the heavens. Then later on Evey steps out into the rain, wincing with relief (some pain, but mostly relief) and holding her arms up to the heavens. The creators keep interchanging the previous fire shot with the rain shot, to show the juxtaposition. It's a pretty cool scene, but I can't help but wonder whether or not it would have been better had they not interchanged the fire scene in there. It's the kind of thing where you go home after the movie and then make the connection yourself, instead of having had it given to you, and you're like "Wow that's damn cool."

On a different note, have you noticed the ever-increasing use of the word "prequel"? Good jeebus the term is misused frequently. It's like ever since The Phantom Menace came out it's trendy for people to use it.

PEOPLE OF EARTH, I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT:

A prequel is a story that takes place before the original story but it is written after the original. Or as www.dictionary.com puts it: A literary, dramatic, or cinematic work whose narrative takes place before that of a preexisting work or a sequel. This is not a hard concept to grasp, but it's consequences are life-altering to many. This means that The Hobbit is not a prequel to The Lord of the Rings and Spider-man is not a prequel to Spider-man 2. Know it, live it, love it.










Bear

All hail Dragon

I just wanted to say that I forgot to give thanks to Dragon. Monkey Barn's new look is because of her hard work.

Actually, anything good you see on the Institute, visual-wise, is because of her.

And to celebrate her good works, I bring you this


Aitch

Ajax's question of the day (on time and on budget)

And the question is:

If you were an exotic dancer, and had to pick three songs for your set, which three songs would they be?


Ajax's answer:

1. Don' Cha- Pussycat Dolls
2. Push It- Salt N Pepa
3. You Can Leave Your Hat On- Joe Cocker

Life Through Music (stolen from Claire)

In honor of Claire being our newest Evil Kitty of the Realm, I thought I would steal something she had on her site.

It's 12 questions, and you're supposed to answer the questions all with songs from the same singer or band. Claire picked Sheryl Crow; I'm trying Garth Brooks.

What I want you to do is go to her site and leave a comment, answering the questions. Then copy and paste your answers in a comment here as well. I'll be checking, so anyone who leaves a comment here without there will incur my wrath. Grr.



1. Are you male or female?
"Friends In Low Places"

2. Describe yourself:
"Two Of A Kind, Workin' On A Full House"

3. How do some people feel about you:
"Unanswered Prayers"

4. How do you feel about yourself:
"Much Too Young (To Feel This Damn Old)"

5. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend:
"Dixie Chicken"

6. Describe your current significant other:
"Mr. Blue"
"Somewhere Other Than The Night"

7. Describe where you want to be:
"Walking After Midnight"

8. Describe how you live:
"The Thunder Rolls"

9. Describe how you love:
"Shameless"
"Ain't Goin' Down (Til The Sun Comes Up)"

10. What would you ask for if you had just one wish:
"We Shall Be Free"
"Two Pina Coladas"

11. Share a few words of wisdom:
"We Bury the Hatchet (but leave the handle sticking out)"

12. Now say goodbye:
"If Tomorrow Never Comes"

Hyperion

I've kind of gotten out of the habit of making posts, so I don't know what to talk about.

I would give a huge recap of LOST, which was fantastic Wednesday, but I know most of you losers aren't into it. My only slight frustration is with waiting so long between episodes, sometimes I lose the thread a bit. I understand why they do it, but still. (On the flip side, I bet LOST will kick major ass on DVD, when you can watch whole bunches of them together.)

I know what I want to mention. NBC is encoring their new show HEIST tonight. (Normally it shows on Wednesdays.) The set-up is that a group of thieves are trying to steal an entire town.

Well, maybe that's a bit much, but at least Rodeo Drive. The plan is to do it during the Oscars, when all the expensive jewelry is moving in.

The program has dual narratives, with the thieves as the main characters, and the detectives trying to chase them down highlighted as well.

Critics have trashed the pilot, and I guess I see where they are coming from. It's slick and doesn't take itself seriously. But I liked that. I found the chemistry to be awesome. Highlights: the two main thieves, a black guy and white guy, arguing obscure Catholic Theology and big butts in the same conversation.

(One wonders who Mother Theresa felt about booty)

A black cop and his seemingly racist Irish partner.

(the chick is in charge, but the guys are the funny ones)

Oh, and this old dude who makes jokes and punches out his fellow thieves.

The one liners are pretty funny, it doesn't take itself too seriously, and had a fun feel. Heist is taking the Law & Order spot the next few weeks. If you're home tonight give the Encore a spin, and see if you like it.

Most humble apologies

People, I must apologize. As you know, I gave up Monkey Barn for Lentils, and thus haven't been on here to see what's been going on. I let my River Midget Intern Tobias post in my stead, thinking he'd be as sweet as he normally is.

Ye gods did that not happen. You see, as long as I've had Tobias he's been an adorable little boy, like this:

However, lately, he's been more like this:




I finally found out the problem. River Midgets mature on a different scale than the rest of us, and Tobias is going through an accelerated puberty. So, all the awkwardness, spite, and uh, hormones you experienced as a teen he's going through....in about six weeks.

Obviously I made a huge mistake bringing him into Monkey Barn. Rest assured that I will be keeping him off of here until this stage passes.

And again, you have my apologies.

Gas Safety

Yesterday I was ridiculously low on fuel so I stopped at a gas station. Apparently the gas station was full service, so the attendant came out and I told him to get me 4 dollars worth of gas (that's all I had on me at the moment). After he was done, I went to drive away when, to my horror, I realized that I had left the engine running the entire time!

I don't know why this scared me so much. I guess I always thought from movies that even just a spark will make an entire gas station instantly explode in a blaze of glory, taking the neighborhood with it. But I did a bit of cursory Google research after I got home only to discover that most incidents of gas fires are caused by static electricity - especially when people get back in there cars while pumping. There's a pretty crazy video on the website and I guess if anything it made me a bit more paranoid.

So I was a bit on edge today when I saw that my 4 dollars of gas had run out. I went to the gas station with my sister and told her to go get help if there were any problems. I was wearing a fleece sweater and I thought about taking it off because of the static electricity, but then realized that the act of taking it off might charge me even more.

Fortunately, nothing exploded while I was pumping, but I did get into a dispute with my sister: I went to get the Regular 87 octane gas and she was like, "Are you crazy? You need to get Premium." I always thought that the Regular gas was for nice new cars and Premium was for old junkie cars because they need a little something extra to keep them running. Mid-Grade is for people who can't make decisions. My parents purchased this car (it's a nice car) just a couple years ago, so I thought that Regular was a safe bet. I was also thinking that 89 octane somehow seemed less likely to explode.

But my sister said that it's the other way around: Good gas is for good cars, bad gas is for bad cars. And I said, "There's no way. People pay big money for nice cars so they won't have to pay for the expensive gas." But she completely disagreed, saying that high-performance cars need high performance gas.

So I'm asking you, dear reader, which is it? Who gets the expensive gas? Is it just a ploy to try to get people to pay more for the same thing? Or am I slowly ruining my car by putting in the Regular gas?

We couldn't decide, so we ended up getting Mid-Grade.

Ajax's (really late) question of the day...

And the question is:

If a movie was being made of your life, what songs would you select to play over the opening and closing credits?

Ajax's answers...
Opening credits: Loser, performed by Beck
Closing credits: Amazed, performed by Lonestar

Because if two songs can, collectively, sum up this individual's evolution from around junior high to current day, those would be the two.

See you tomorrow, folks. More to come.

VOTE

Hiddy ho, all! I've been unpacking - rearranging - buying -- all the settling in things involved in a new place. I'm loving it! I have found a set I'm thinking of getting for the patio, but I'm not married to the notion of it. I thought maybe y'all could help me decide - you've proved you have taste by coming to the barn.

Ya or Na?

Laisse Tombe Les Filles

So, many of you don't know, but Hyperion is a complete fruit. He's always listening to this music that just sucks, like lately, he's been into '60s-style french pop.

The song he's been absolutely driving me crazy with is "Laisse Tomber Les Filles" by France Gall

However, I've had a slight change of heart for two reasons. One is that the song kind of grows on you. (I can totally see Quentin Tarrantino using it in his next soundtrack.)

I don't know how to put music on here, but we searched far and low and found a site that had it.

Go here: and do nothing; the song will come up. http://www.myspace.com/neeq (We don't know the girl at all, so leave her alone. Just listen.)

The lyrics are totally in French, although they sound naughty. You can find the lyrics online. April March has actually done an English version called "Chick Habit," but this one is much better.

the second reason the song has caused me to grow, well, see for yourself




Tobias

Sporty Simpson

Who wants to see the Top 100 Simpsons Sports Moments?


tobias

606 takes

Honda Commercial

There are no computer graphics or digital tricks in this 2 minute commercial. Everything you see really happened in real time exactly as you see it. The film took 606 takes. On the first 605 takes, something, usually very minor, didn't work. They would then have to set the whole thing up again. The crew spent weeks shooting night and day.

The film cost six million dollars and took three months to complete including full engineering of the sequence. However, it is fast becoming the most downloaded advertisement in Internet history. Honda executives figure the ad will soon pay for itself simply in "free viewing's".

There are six and only six hand-made Accords in the world. To the horror of Honda engineers, the filmmakers disassembled two of them to make the film. Everything you see in the film (aside from the walls, floor, ramp, and complete Honda Accord) are parts from those two cars.

I thought this was pretty neat. See for yourself.

Dragon

You do it; I don't feel like it

Hyperion told me to change the Monkey Barn motto and put up a new quote. (Actually, I'm supposed to change the quote every day or two, but with him not on Monkey Barn, he won't know). But I don't feel like it.

So I'm taking suggestions. Best motto and quote left in comments here by tomorrow afternoon get the honors.

And since I have nothing else to add, here's a nerd who got cut at the last minute this morning:

Mizidget

One shudders to imagine the My Little Pony implications....

You know how sometimes the Top Ten lists have cool pictures? You think that's Hyperion. Yeah right. He wouldn't know his head from an unclosed html tag. He makes me do all the picture collecting.

Anyyoohoo, while I was looking for nerds (in all the wrong places) I came across a community I shall call "The Eternally Un-Laid." These dateless wonders spend their time creating actual art (in some cases very stylish) of childhood cartoon chracters.

For example, Here is Brainy Smurf like you've never seen him (or wanted to) before. The picture is so bad, I refuse to post it. If you want to see Brainy as a teenager, it's up to you.

Then there is the Hand-cramped crowd over at Conceptual Art. Actually, I kinda like the Danger Mouse montage and Skeletor, but that He-Man has to go. (Scroll down a bit)

Finally, there was the jaw-dropping discovery that Fred and Daphne may get the scarves, but Velma gets the action. While I was hunting down the orange-sweatered vixen, I came across a whole new world, and I don't mean Aladdin and Jasmine. (Although you know some sick freaks have them in menage with the monkey somewhere.)

Hyperion would wring my wittle neck if I linked to the Velma pix, but he can't stop me from telling you how to get them. Do a Google Image Search and type in "Velma." You were warned.

Time Magazine's People of the Century (5 of 5)

So, you know how Hyperion has been running those Time Magazine Most Influential people of the last Century thing? Anyway, he's been bugging me to do the fifth since he gave up Monkey Barn for Lentils. I didn't want to because the first four sections I sucked at. He gets his 18.5 and 19 and whatever, and I didn't crack 10 on any of them!

But the fifth section is a little different. First, a recap of the first four if you is new to the Barn and want to see how stupid you really are (like me).

Part I (Leaders and Revolutionaries)
Part II (Artists and Entertainers)
Part III (Builders and Titans)
Part IV (Scientists and Thinkers)

Now we come to the section that us Normies can get. Don't cheat, and unlike a gangsta rap song, it's not enough just to "recognize" the name. You have to know what they are famous for.

Muhammad Ali The American G.I. Diana, Princess of Wales Anne Frank Billy Graham Che Guevara E. Hillary & T. Norgay Helen Keller The Kennedys Bruce Lee

Charles Lindbergh Harvey MIlk Marilyn Monroe Mother Teresa Emmeline Pankhurst Rosa Parks Pelé Andrei Sakharov Jackie Robinson Bill Wilson

Of course Hyperion got all 20, but I got 16! Well, 15.5. Inch for inch I'm way better than ol' windbag himself.

Tobias

I wish I knew how to quit you

Brokeback mountain in 30 seconds (and reenacted by bunnies).

The Answers You've Been Waiting For

My apologies for this belated posting. You see, I was all geared up for this, but when I learned that my answers would be smooshed together in the in the same post as all these other riffraff... well, I couldn't have that. Despite much pleading and gnashing of teeth, I was unable to persuade Hypey to post my answers separately, so really, it's all his fault. I'm sure you all understand.

1) Do you chew your mashed potatoes?

I'd drink them if I could.

2) If terrorists got their hands on massive quantities of a toxic biological agent and threatened to release it, exterminating all life on earth, unless you had sex with a internationally famous person of the same gender, who would you choose to save the world with?

Bill Clinton. He'd feel my pain.

3) What words or phrase would you like displayed on your tombstone (assuming you had one)?

My princess was in another castle.

4) If you had to name your child after food, what would you call him/her?

Since I'm going to have twins, I'd have to go with O'Rangello and Le Monjello.

5) What's your super hero power?

If I could have a super hero power, I'd choose dancing. I suck at it. Ladies love it. It would be the single greatest advancement of my sex life since the Internet.

6) Do I know what Rhetorical means?

Don't absquatulate with me. I hate when people do that.

7) Do you think that the FCC should develop V-Chips that allow adults to block tv programs from even themselves, thereby preventing their watching 2 Seinfeld reruns, followed by 3 hours of Law and Order?

If they could do that, they should just develop a chip to project images of our favorite shows directly into our brains. Then we can download them from Napster. Or better yet, we can download entire books and break Ken Jenning's Jeopardy record.

8) What fairy tale best describes your life so far and what character are you?

I'm the frog in the The Frog Prince. I just need someone to have a little faith in me and they'll see what I'm really worth.

9) When somebody uses a word that you don't understand, what do you do? Do you ignore it and nod your head, or do you simply absquatulate and look it up in the dictionary?

I don't and say that I did.

10) If you were a piñata, what would you be full of?

Liver and a nice Chianti.



Bear

Get to Know your fellow Monkey Barner

Hyperion came up with the Idea that each Monkey Barn Contributor think of one question, and then we answer them all. (Of course, you'll notice he doesn't answer, but I guess he's too good for that.)

Below are the questions we all came up with, and the answers. You're invited to answer the questions yourselves, so we can get to know you. Leave your answers in the comments. Enjoy. (Mine's clearly the best.)

Questions:

Lady Jane Scarlett - Do you chew your mashed potatoes?

Ajax - If terrorists got their hands on massive quantities of a toxic biological agent and threatened to release it, exterminating all life on earth, unless you had sex with a internationally famous person of the same gender, who would you choose to save the world with?

Bear - What words or phrase would you like displayed on your tombstone (assuming you had one)?

Tobias - If you had to name your child after food, what would you call him/her?

Dominique - What's your super hero power?

Koz's Question - Do I know what Rhetorical means?

Philogynist - Do you think that the FCC should develop V-Chips that allow adults to block tv programs from even themselves, thereby preventing their watching 2 Seinfeld reruns, followed by 3 hours of Law and Order?

Dragon - What fairy tale best describes your life so far and what character are you?

Elvis - When somebody uses a word that you don't understand, what do you do? Do you ignore it and nod your head, or do you simply absquatulate and look it up in the dictionary?

Sea Hag - If you were a piñata, what would you be full of?



ANSWERS:

Elvis

Ajax

Dragon

Dominique

Sea Hag

Koz

Philogynist

Lady Jane Scarlett

Tobias the River Midget

Bear

Tobias exposed